Pressing my lips tight
Every day I add another
And with each stitch
I am solidifying my silence
•
I close my eyes
And drag the thread through
Beads of life cling to the fibers
Staining them red
•
Those around me clamor on
Nonsensical prolixity
For the sake of filling silence
Useless, meaningless, unendingly vexing
•
My silence is my armor
And for every sturdy suture
Laced evenly across my mouth
I become more and more, at peace
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Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,817 Reviews
Hello there AutoPilot
I am Kostia and I will give you a brief review along with my honest opinion for this poem.
I want to start by saying that I really liked your poem. I love how brief and simple your verses are, and yet full of meaning. I loved your vocabulary and most part if the words you used were very fitting to what you wanted to describe. Delicate and lovely wording well done.
Moreover I think your poem looks good on a free verse style. You don't need to use stanzas since your poem is brief, including only one theme and it is very to the point as it is.
The only thing I think you should work on is the title. If I was you I would take advantage of these lovely words and verses and make the title something from the poem. That would also achieve a beautiful and dramatic repetition. If I was you I would probably use
"My armor" as the title, I thought it is more fitting and engaging for the reader.
Overall, great meaning, fair symbolism, lovely vocabulary and wording, structurally good and simply great ending!
Good work and keep writing!
Best regards
Kostia
Self protection,got to say, it's a good one.The description you gave is pretty catchy and the starting and ending lines just give a very nice effect.
I think you could modify the second line just to make the meaning more prominent,maybe by specifying what you are adding.
Effectively it is a good poem with a nice imagery,the rhyming doesn't fit but nevertheless it is good.
I hope you publish more such works Autopilot
I love the title, to me it was very good. And I didn't know silence could be an armor, I should maybe try that armor on one day.
So you're poem flows very nicely and I really love how you described the feeling of Silence. You masterpiece expresses more than a poem, it expresses life.
When you said pressing my lips tight that really went good with the whole poem because it was about silence and then if you press your lips tight that technically means you're trying to shush yourself.
Automatically reading this i new it was a poem. It flows nicely and i love how you used thread. It is very attracting, i love it honestly. Its strong and it get the words out there. I would love to know why you wrote it. But i would understand if you don't want to tell. Anyway Its very good