Stay Away From the Deep Spots, Kid

This work of art scared me, and I love the way you scared me. That's how poems are supposed to be, they are supposed to have emotional feelings that people can feel themselves, the fact that you describe the person in jail really scared the heck out of me. Which I love the way you did it.

Maybe put some punctuation, that would help the reader no one to take breaks and pause so that the reader doesn't think this poem is a huge run-off.

I really like the last line and the last two lines because they come together very perfectly. Also, it bring suspense.

This is really good! I especially like the last two lines where you separated the line "And everything/Collapses." That separation really enhanced the feeling of something collapsing.
Great imagery of being under water! It was really interesting to read a descriptive, almost loving view of what it might feel like to drown. The prison metaphor really worked, made the feeling of being trapped under water accentuated, especially in the topic of drowning. I can't imagine how scary it would feel to be drowning, how one will feel like they are "Inhaling the end". Super interesting work!

Hello! I am new, but wanted to say this piece is really amazing. It truly made me think. I really like the line that says "surrounded by abusive guards who swear they're here to help." Like I said before, I am new to this site, but am currently trying to get some points so I can write more stuff. That being said, my advice to you is to make it a little more personal. For example, tell the reader or readers why this is important to you and how it spoke to you as a person. You've stated you have always been drawn to water, but as a reader, I must ask, why? Thank you again for this beautiful piece of art you have created! If you have not already, I ask you to stop by the Green Room and read the poem titled "Hurt" by me! Thank you!!

Hello!
I absolutely love this poem!! I like the first few lines, but the fifth line doesn't really make sense to me. Besides being repetitive in conjunction with the following line, I feel like it doesn't convey whatever you were trying to say here. Is there another to phrase what you meant that could be more straightforward?
Also, "until my brain is surrounded" feels a little basic in context of the rest of the poem. Maybe try to elaborate on this more, and use more descriptive language.
Other than that, it was a great poem!

Hey!

I love this poem because of the great detail you've enforced and the imagery. What i think would help this poem become even better is to have it in stanzas. Separate the different ideas into their own stanzas because right now everything is just running into each other, and as a reader I got a little lost trying to follow along.

Also, I think repeating the idea of the end in the fifth and sixth lines is redundant. Like maybe inhale devastation or desperation or doom? Something else that falls into your theme, so that the question is this the end will make sense. And, I may be just nitpicking here, but don't we inhale before we exhale?

I also suggest, since you've added a question mark, to add some punctuation to the rest of your poem, so it flows properly. Maybe describe the prison the main character is in and the abusive guards that surround them more because right now it could stand for anything. Are they metaphors for something else or are they in an actual prison?

Like i said, I love this poem, and I believe if you elaborate just a tad more it'll be magnificent. If you need anything or more reviews let me know.

Thanks for the great read
Rascalover