z

Young Writers Society



Epitomy of Perfection

by AutoPilot


it's hard to write without thinking about her eyes, so dark that at times they feel like traveling through an endless black hole, truly devoid of color but fully capable of swallowing me whole

It's hard to pen a single verse without thinking about her laugh and the way it stretches my smile broader than the horizon over the ocean

Writing calls to mind her eyelashes fluttering gently in her sleep as nightmares filled with car crashes and faceless drivers cause her terrified outline to slip closer against me

My arms are a safe haven form fitted to her hips and shoulders, made only for her because no one else fills them anywhere near so perfectly

When she whispers her hopes and dreams against my lips, surrounded in the private darkness of dawn, I'm glad it's so dark because otherwise she'd see that my cheeks match the sunrise in both their heat and intensely vivid color

Some days I don't need the sun because the brightness of her happiness far outshines it, and I look at her only to be completely blindsided by how well the colors of her soul compliment mine

She's the world and I am it's sole inhabitant, I don't need sleep because I survive off of pure adrenaline, the need for air is eradicated by the scent her skin in my lungs, and food and water are unnecessary because the taste of her lips is enough

Perfection had a definition before I met her, but she redefined it so thoroughly that the original is lost forever

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121 Reviews

Points: 110
Reviews: 121

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Sat Apr 07, 2018 10:29 pm
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manilla wrote a review...



Hi, Manilla here for a quick review. The speaker seems like they're really in love with their S.O. The imagery and figurative language is used well here, for they come hand in hand. I don't have nitpicks for this poem (which is a good thing), so I'll get into the overall message you have.

This style that you're using in this poem seems more like a hybrid between freeverse and narrative fiction. I like it and I think it's unique. The way you wrote this "poem" also works with your content, which flows nicely as well.

The girl that the speaker loves just seems perfect in their eyes, perfect in a way that they go beyond just working for each other. The message is conveyed loud and clear! :)

I can't pick favorite verses like Radrook, so I'll say that I just liked your poem and will look forward to more of your work!

-Manilla out ^^




AutoPilot says...


Thank you so much for the review!



manilla says...


Very welcome :)



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841 Reviews

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Reviews: 841

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Sat Apr 07, 2018 2:26 pm
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Radrook wrote a review...



Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:


I am very impressed by the many poetical expressions that this poem contains.


A few of the Expressions I liked:

....stretches my smile broader than the horizon over the ocean
....eyelashes fluttering gently....
....form fitted to her hips and shoulders,
....faceless drivers....
She's the world and I am it's sole inhabitant....
....need for air is eradicated by the scent her skin in my lungs,....

There are many other beautiful expressions as well which beautifully demonstrate the intensity of admiration and love that the speaker feels for a female he has come to consider almost a goddess. The conclusion summarizes the previous admiration very well. A wonderfully written poem which conveys a special relationship which not everyone is blessed to experience in our brief stay on this earth. A privilege to have read it. Thank you.

Suggestions:

[I]t's hard to write....

....[I] feel [as if I’m] traveling....
....her [laughter]....
....car[-]crashes....
....form[-] fitted..




AutoPilot says...


Thank you so much Radrook! I very much appreciate this review, it's so encouraging!




It's a pity the dictionary has only one definition of beauty. In my world, there are 7.9 billion types of it- all different and still beautiful.
— anne27