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140,653 Literary Works • 673,582 Reviews
I really loved your poem! It was so touching and the detail was amazing. You knew exactly where to accent your poem. One thing I would fix though, is the Kashmir part. It's a bit lengthy. You could shorten it to maybe four spellings. Because nobody will want to read five lines of cashmere. Other than that, I thought your poem was beautiful! I have almost no other suggestions.
One thing that I would add is correct punctuation and capitalisation in all parts of the poem. I've always been picky about it!
Your poem must be about a war, right? and the character is waiting for it to end. He's fighting in the war? You made that very clear and it makes the poem that much better!
Again, I loved your poem and I hope my review helps!
Hey, Arcticus! VegasLights here to give you a review!
I really love the message of your poem. I believe it is beautifully written and with a few touch ups, it will be even better. I like how the name of your poem connected with the actual poem. Often, I see poems that have a name that is the exact opposite of their poem. But with yours, it connects to stanza one and I am happy to see that. I liked the imagery that your poem gave off. It gave me a clear image, but a few times it blurred up. Let's get onto the few things that I noticed in your poem.
For the grammar and punctuation part of the review, I noticed that there were a few things that could have been fixed. But I don't know if you are as big of a nitpick as me, so if you aren't, don't pay attention to this part.
In stanza 4, after the word "tired" I would put a comma. In stanza 6, I would put a period after "echo". On line 24, I advise putting a period at the end of it, but you don't have to. I mean you don't have to do any of the stuff I suggested, that is just the nitpick inside of me.
The flow of your poem felt a little off to me, just a little. It might be off to me just because I'm used to having punctuation, but it probably is perfectly fine. If I were you, I would wait for someone else to review your poem, and look from there. The structure of your poem was just fine, and I thought it worked out well. That is really all I noticed about your poem, so congrats on that. I feel like you are a talented writer, and I would love to read more of your works. Sadly, all reviews must come to an end and here is the end of this one. I thank you for your time and I hope you have a great day!
~Keep Writing!~
VegasLights
(Previously Steam1244)
the end <3