this heartbeat (this hurtling, runaway train)

Hello! Irid here with a review.

First off, I will apologize in advance given the fact I haven't reviewed in a very long time.

Now, I will say I loved this poem. It's just beautiful and well-written. I really love how you compared a drum and a train to the heartbeat and just how you crafted and worded it. It's just so lovely.

I'd like like to talk about the repetition. It was an interesting choice and pretty creative because I mean a heart gives off the same noise. If I understood correct, you're repeating those lines and parts to add to the metaphor of a beating heart, which I do like

Overall, I have no complaints for this. This is a very lovely poem and I enjoyed this. It's probably now one of my favorites. Thank you for sharing this!

-Iridescence

Hi, Arcticus! Becca here for a review.

This piece is so so lovely. I think you beautifully described the visceral presence of a heartbeat and expertly executed the train metaphor. I like how you write about the beating heart, and the poem's rhythm matches the feeling it's trying to evoke, beating along with it. I love how you describe the sound of the heartbeat as "Life's own percussion," and "this tribal, ancient recurrence."

The ending also really worked for me. It is simple, yet gives the beat an actual sound.

I think the only lines that didn't really work for me were "you're here, like everyone else/like everyone else." You've already established a second person narration, so that's fine, but these lines were a bit jarring to me and I'm not sure they are needed. If you removed them, I think the poem would be equally as effective if not more so. But, obviously your call as the author. Hope to read more of your work!