It is said there was massacre here
here in this city, in the past
but no one asks the dead how they are
I sometimes
think of writing a letter to them
but to what name, what address?
these graves are unmarked, there are
no stones to mark the burial spots
no epitaphs.
I sometimes
want to dig the ground and try
to hold their lifeless hands, feel for a pulse
but they are bones by now
I wonder if the bullets in them have decayed
and if the torture marks on their flesh
have scarred the earth
wherever she touched them.
I wonder if these thoughts
will leave me,
when I walk out the gates
of this graveyard with no epitaphs.
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140,327 Literary Works • 673,107 Reviews
Hi shoaib! It's been a while!
I think you've got a great start here. I thought the topic of the poem was nice (can you say that?), and even though I'm not usually a huge fan of "I wonder" sort of poems, it sort of works here.
You don't use a lot of punctuation here, but I think it would make the reading a bit easier and create some natural breaks and stuff. The lack of it makes it seem sort of mushy (I don't mean sappy, just like it's all mushed together with little variation). Especially in the first stanza, I'd have liked to see a bit more of punctuation.
The "I sometimes" line felt a bit strange in the first stanza, like "why would you have just those two words on a line" but the second stanza "explained" it and tied it together nicely. At the end of the second one, I wasn't sure who or what "she" was referring to. The earth touching the torture marks, maybe?
Despite the deathly theme, I feel like this poem is quite relatable. I've sometimes felt a bit odd seeing a memorial monument to the victims of an accident/a massacre addressing the people as a group. Which is all very fine, but it's weird to think that so many nameless people are clumped together as one. This is what this poem reminded me of, but I have a feeling this is describing a very particular incident.
I hope this helped at least a little! I couldn't come up with that many things to point out!
Demeter x
Thanks a lot D !
One thing about talking to the dead is that we don't expect any response...I think human beings get a kick out of that. If the dead were to reply I think one would just rush onto the next thing, curiosity is such a moving force. You might be interested in where a road goes but once you take it, the next time is a routine..