Somewhere, fingers reach for jars
of cinnamon, ginger, sugar
and secret ingredients
They touch saffron, lift a pinch
They peel the skin off soaked almonds
And on being sprinkled into it,
all these ingredients
turn boiling water to kahve
as they give their colorful selves away.
This is no elixir of life
but if you listen to the clink
of the samavar's lid,
the sound of lively gossip,
the subtle crack of shirmaals -
it doesn't hurt, but beckons you home
to a quiet celebration.
So, have yourself
a cup of this festivity.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hi, Autumns.
Mmm, this is lovely. It transports me to a different, exotic place that is home at the same time. I can hear the chatting of good friends, all over a hot drink and delicious smells.
You have a lot of praise in the comments below, and I agree with it. Very good. Very nice.
I do have a few things to point out that might make this even better.
These lines are clunky. But you can easily fix that. If you omit the "they"s at the beginnings of the first two lines, the readers still know what you're talking about. It also lends to a more immersive experience in the poem. Instead of seeing the fingers first, doing things, they see the doing things without the fingers to block their mind. If that makes sense. As for the third line, it's worded a bit awkwardly, and placed awkwardly, as well. I think the thing that is throwing me off about that particular line is your usage of "it." There isn't anything yet to anchor "it" to. Perhaps use instead of "it" the receptacle in which the boiling water is held.
I love the last line of the first stanza.
This was a little confusing to me. The concept of hurt in such a soft poem is alien to me-- there is nothing previously that would have suggested hurt. Perhaps take out that part. "it beckons you home to a quiet celebration" is nice enough.
The last two lines feel a bit tacked on. I like them, but perhaps that is not the place for them.
I hope that this review proves useful to you! Happy poeting!
i had been looking for a helpful review and here's one, thank you c:
Hello, happy review day!
That's another plus!
I love this poem! The descriptions are beautiful:D Each word and line in each nicely written stanza rolls off the readers tongue. Whenever you put a word in italics I would sit there and think about why you had made it stand out. By doing this, you are making the poem last longer within the readers mind and it really makes it succeed as a poem.
Like PhoenixXander said, I do feel like there should be a full stop at the end of the third line as it makes sense to. I have a feeling, however, that this was a typo as you have capitalised the next two lines.
One of the most effective things about the poem is that it has no fantasy, that it describes miner things in life and pulls them to a whole new level of meaning to the reader. Another thing is that by saying each individual ingredient and not bunching them all together, I, as a reader, can really picture everything that you set to pace.
I cannot see any errors worth mentioning.
A lovely poem,
that's all from me,
Godly
This is very well written, the beginning real drew me in! There seem to be a few grammatical errors.
I think it would sound better though, if there was period after the third line.
The fourth and fifth lines should not start with a capital letter unless you add a period at the ends of the previous stanzas, and you should not do that!
I like how you put the unique words in italics.
Keep up the good work!
- Phoenix
I Love This peom. Very Bright and intellgent, i like the deiscribtions you gave in it really good. Made me hungery but it was good. I could see the picture that your trying to give and the inspiration. You can really understand it, i love that.
"Somewhere, fingers reach for jars
of cinnamon, garlic, sugar
and secret ingredients"
This grabbed my attetion and i liked that made me want to read more.
Just like the Title i was like A Quiet Celebration. Lets see what this person is talking about. So when i read it i was yes, i love this. I didnt think you had any grammer EERRRROOS . But this is pretty Good. And i liked the way you ended the poem.
But im done Here BYYEEEE