z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language

Psychic

by AnimalQueen


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

LpI put my pillow over my head and held Lucinda tighter. The cat squirmed in my arms, then stopped, deciding to stay. She knew I needed her. The woman, sobbing, vomited yet a again. I cried, too, because I was terrified. I silently said every prayer I knew, and somehow fell asleep after what felt like forever.

I woke to the sound of my mother calling me. "Chaarrrlottte!" I groaned. I didn't want to face another day in the life of a psychic. Why couldn't I just be normal like everyone else? Or, at the very least, have a less scary gift. Being a seer or an aura senser would be nice.

I really don't think there's ever been a time when I didn't see ghosts. When I was little, Mom says I had "anxiety" and " night terrors". I always told her they were more than just nightmares, but she didn't listen to me. Big surprise there. Around the time I was turning ten, I realised I needed to stop talking about "dead people". I trained myself to ignore them, and after a long time it payed off. But the damage had already been done. I was the class outcast. To make matters worse, my classmates make sure of it that new kids were told rumers about me within five seconds of their arrival. So, I had next to no friends. I did have Lucinda, and Cassie and John, two kind hearted souls from my math class. Bless them.

Three friends isn't very many, though. When I finally was in Lecanto High, the torture began. Daniel Evens, one of the biggest jerks in my class tripped me in the halls. Tears stung at my eyes as outrageous laughter erupted from the other students. 

Numerous ghosts haunted me throughout the day. My English homework had been drawn on. Countless insults hit home. Cassie and John tried to comfort me. "Things seem bad now, but I promise you, life IS going to get better." Charlotte said. Just then, Daniel decided to humiliate me again. He took my tray from the table and dumped it over my head. Unshed tears erupted out of my very soul. I ran.

When I got to the bathroom, I ran into a stall and rocked back and forth, hugging my  knees and sobbing. I cried until it hurt. Why hadn't Cassie come after me? I stood up and walked to the mirror. I have extremely dark brown hair, brown eyes, and a pale complexion, normally. Now, my face and eyes were red and the hair near my eyes was wet. I looked hideous.

I ignored the girl standing next  me until I realised she was my classmate, not a spirit. It was Reese. The prettiest girl in school. I wished I had her figure. Her golden hair and piercing blue eyes. I looked at her, angrily. " What do you WANT?" I sobbed. "To ask you a question." She said. I'd been asked questions before. "How'd ya get so ugly?" "How's life as a freak?"

That's why Reese's surprised me. "Why do you let us pick on you?" I blinked. "I mean, we could be friends if you actually had some fight in you. But you don't. Why?" They say "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" but it's sure as Hell NOT true. And for some reason, Reese's honest question hurt more than any insult I'd ever received. Feeling weak, I once again fled in tears.


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95 Reviews


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Tue May 08, 2018 6:20 pm
Teddybear wrote a review...



One, you skip around a lot. You call her a psychic, but she sees ghosts? Being a psychic means you can see/hear/sense peoples thoughts, or maybe tell the future depending on who you too for a definition, but it NEVER means seeing the dead. So elaborate on that, tells us what her powers are exactly and find a better word for them. In addition to that, THE SKIPPING AROUND. WTF IS GOING ON. Nothing makes a whole lot of sense when reading it the first time, and you have to go back to figure out what happened. You start out with a waking up scene, then a flashback, and you never conclude the beginning scene.




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Tue Apr 10, 2018 1:11 pm
TheWeirdoFromBeyond wrote a review...



It is a really great story and I plan to read the next chapters. I noticed a few grammar mistakes which have already been mentioned in the other comments except for one

To make matters worse, my classmates make sure of it that new kids were told rumers about me within five seconds of their arrival.

Actually, it is suppose to be 'made sure of it' instead of 'make sure of it' since you have used 'were told' in the same sentence.

Overall it was really good and you know how to keep your readers hooked over your story.




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Mon Mar 05, 2018 1:44 am
Kanome wrote a review...



Hello. Kanome here with a review. I saw you posted the second chapter so I decided to read the first one.

Nitpicks:

I did have Lucinda, and Cassie and John, two kind hearted souls from my math class.

This is a sentence fragment. I suggest using something like this:
I did have Lucinda. I also have Cassie and John, the two kind-hearted souls from my math class.
"How'd ya get so ugly?" "How's life as a freak?"

You don't need to have double quotations since Reese was still speaking. You should get rid of the quotations between 'ugly' and 'How's'.

The other things I am having issues with are things @Danni88 mentioned already to you.

Improvement:
Be sure you double check your work and proofread/revise before publishing your work. I know sometimes some programs like microsoft word or google documents can cause issues such as typos.

Overall:
This chapter made feel sad for Charlotte. She never asked to have this ability to see or hear supernatural spirits, but in the end, people think she's a freak for it. It makes me want to protect and tell everyone to just go away y'know? This is a very interesting plot you have going here so far. I would reading your novel if you continue this. I want to see what happens. Well, that's all I got to say for now. I will be going on to chapter two! Keep writing!

- Kanome




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Sat Mar 03, 2018 10:58 am
LieutenantPanda wrote a review...



Quite a nice story, is this gonna be a full "novel" or just a short story?
In my opinion it's a bit short but It's still quite a nice beginning, also what do you mean by "Lp1" at the beginning of this chapter/story.

Some grammar issues:
No. 1. I ignored the girl standing next me... Make sure to put a "to"
No. 2, Three friends isn't very many... I am not fully sure if this grammar is wrong but it just sounds weird to me.

That is really all I could find, keep up the good work anyway.




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Sat Mar 03, 2018 10:57 am
Danni88 wrote a review...



Hey AnimalQueen! Danni here for a review!

My biggest problem with this was paragraphs. Paragraph breaks happen whenever someone speaks, a new person is introduced or there is a change of scene. Read up about it on the internet.

LpI put my pillow over my head

Not sure what LpI means, or if it's just a typo.
vomited yet a again


...life IS going to get better," Charlotte said.

I thought the narrator was Charlotte? Do you mean Cassie or John said that?

Also, you don't need to rate this 16+. Hell is considered a minor swear and therefore I would rate it 12+ instead.

Overall, I really love the idea here, and I can't wait to read the next chapter. This is really interesting. There are a few problems, mainly paragraph issues, but that's easily fixed. If you have any questions, feel free to reply.

Keep up the good work, and tag me when you write some more!


Danni x




AnimalQueen says...


Sorry for skipping words! I'm a very absentminded person at times. Also, I think I just accidentally put Lp1. Thank you so much for your reviews, they are very helpful!



Danni88 says...


You're welcome!



AnimalQueen says...


Published chap 2. And I feel like I'm should know this, but what does "tag" mean?



Danni88 says...


Oh! This is a tag: @Danni88
So basically you put an @ sign before somebody's username and it gives them a notification




A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea.
— Honore de Balzac