Psychic chapter nine

by AnimalQueen

Published June 1, 2018

In Horror

David's POV

I blinked and looked down at my shirt, then back up at Charlotte. She looked like she was about to cry. What do you say to someone who just barfed all over you?

"Ummm... "

 "I- I'm so sorry." She choked out.

 "It's okay. It's not you're fault." I patted her on the back awkwardly.

 "I-I-I  just... I'm so, so sorry." Poor Charlotte . She was actually crying  a little now.

 "Don't worry about it. I can take you home if you want. Would you like that?"

 She nodded. "Please."

 Some short girl with brown hair looked at us (Or, more specifically, at me.) "Umm, is she okay? Did you do something to upset her?" 

 " She's fine! " I snapped.

 "Jesus! I was just trying to help." The girl walked off muttering to herself.

I looked back at Char. "I'm just gonna change into a different shirt." I said, excusing myself awkwardly . I grabbed one from my locker.

She sniffed and swiped at her eyes. "I should probably do that, too."

 Charlotte's POV

That went a lot better than I expected. It was embarrassing, but at least David didn't throw up, too. Most of the kids I know would of ridiculed me or made up some cruel nickname.

 I got an extra shirt and changed into it. This whole time, my mind was going crazy. David said he would take me home. Lots of girls would find it romantic, but I could only worry. I'm kind of wondering if David likes me, or if he just feels sorry for me. And what if I did something else embarrassing? I'm sure he thinks I'm strange enough already. 

Sighing, I left the bathroom. I should be grateful to be going home. Wait. Is this skipping school? Is it really skipping school of you're actually sick? Was I sick? I didn't know. I knew I was too mentally exhausted to care, though.

I found David right where I had left him, but in a green shirt instead of blue. 

 "Feel any better, Char?"

 "A little bit." I shrugged.

 "Let me take your bag for you." He held his hand out .

I shook my head. "No, that's okay, I got it."

 "Are you sure?" David asked me.

 "Yes." I said firmly.

 "Okay. "

We walked to the parking lot in silence. There were a lot of people milling around, so luckily, no one seemed to notice is leaving. David had a white car. I was surprised he had any car. Most kids have to wait till their older for that. He held open the passenger door for me.

 "Hop on in." He said. 

 Blushing, I did.

There was an awkward silence as we drove. I was trying not to freak out. When I was a man with red hair, I swear my heart stopped. Every time I saw the color red, my breathing quickened.

David seemed to notice this. Every now and then he glanced over at me.

 Finally he decided to break the silence. "Are you okay?" He asked me. " You seem pretty jumpy. "

 "That's just how I am, I guess." I replied, perhaps a but too bluntly.

 "Do you know why?"

 " No. "

This conversation was definitely not going very well. Why did David have to keep asking me these questions?? He acted like he thought he was my therapist or something, and that really pissed me off.

So, the ride was quiet again. We finally reached my house, we then David went and opened the car door for me. I don't know why I let him. 

 "Thanks for the ride. I really appreciate it." And as much as I hated to admit, I was really grateful to David for driving me home.

 "You're welcome. Feel better!"

 I nodded my head, then turned, walked to the front door, and went in. I knew from listening that David didn't drive away until I was inside. It wasn't night, or even close to that. Did he think I was going to pass out or something?

My mom was on the couch, watching TV. When, she saw me, She said: "You're home early, Charlotte. What's the matter, are you not feeling very well?"

 I shrugged and turned toward the stairs. Before I could take two steps, my dear mother spoke again.

 "Wait, you don't have a license or a car. Oh, did that boy you told me about drive you home?!"

 " Yes, Mom. "

 "That's so cute!" She squealed .

I shrugged again (I seemed to be doing that a lot today) and started walking towards the stairs again. "I really, really don't want to talk about it."

 Mom spun me around to face her, and I saw that her face had darkened. "Wait a minute, Charlotte. Did he touch you?!" She was freaking out. "You know you can tell me if he did."

 "No, Mom!!  Of course not!! " I almost shouted. 

I ran up to my room, taking the stairs two at a time. Then I curled up in my bed and cried.

I guess it's no surprise my mom assumed the worst when I said I'd rather not talk about the car ride. She's a nurse, and I know that she sees some pretty awful things in the ER. But still, I'd had a pretty bad day already, and it felt like everything was going wrong for me. Actually, scratch that, things went wrong for me everyday! 

 "What did I do to deserve all this?" I silently called out to God.

I cried myself to sleep that night.

A/N 

Sorry it took me so long to update! I had writer's block, but once I got past the conversation after Charlotte threw up, it wasn't so hard!

Comments & reviews · 2
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Danni88
Review
Danni88 wrote a review Review · Jun 2, 2018

Hi AnimalQueen! Danni here for a review!

OK, let's do grammar and/or spelling first. I will run through the mistakes I found here:

It's not you're your fault."

Most of the kids I know would of have ridiculed me or made up some cruel nickname.

Is it really skipping school of if you're actually sick?

There were a lot of people milling about, so luckily, no one seemed to notice is us leaving.

Most kids have to wait till their they're older.

When I was saw a man with red hair, I swear my heart stopped.

We finally reached my house, we then David went and opened the door for me.


I feel like David's parents must be quite wealthy if he is allowed a car at 16 (I'm guessing he's about Charlotte's age.)

In the scene where Charlotte's mum talks to her about the car ride, at first she is sitting on the sofa. You don't mention her getting up, and Charlotte doesn't seem surprised that her mum is suddenly there, so she obviously saw her get up. I would add this in, maybe something like this:

Mom jumped up from the sofa, strode over and spun me around to face her.

You can rewrite this in your own words however you like, but something along the lines of that would be good.

Overall, this is an amazing chapter! I really like the building tension between Charlotte and David. He is obviously a kind person as he wasn't mad at her (and I would be if someone was sick on me) and missed school to take her home. I can't wait for the next one!

Thank you for always reviewing my works and never missing a chapter! The reason for all those mistakes is autocorrect. Next time I'm gonna try to proofread bettter!

Danni88 replied · Jun 2, 2018

*facepalms* Blimey, I hate autocorrect. I once sent a message to my friend Natalie, aka Natty, saying 'Natty can I borrow (can't remember what it was)' and it autocorrected 'Natty' to 'Nasty'.
Thank goodness she saw the funny side :D

If she didn't, I can imagine what the conversation would be like.

TheWeirdoFromBeyond wrote a review Review · Jun 2, 2018

Hi, nice to see another chapter of Psychic. So let's get into the review.

Note- please know that nothing in this review is meant to offend you or your story in any way.

Grammar/Spell check/Word check
Even though grammar is not as important as the content of the story, it does have an importance.

"Jesus! I was just trying to help." The girl walked off muttering to herself.

*off, muttering...

Most of the kids I know would of ridiculed me or made up some cruel nickname.

'have' instead of 'of'

Wait. Is this skipping school?

*Wait, is...

Is it really skipping school of you're actually sick?

'if' instead of 'of'

There were a lot of people milling around, so luckily, no one seemed to notice is leaving.

'us' instead of 'is'

When I was a man with red hair, I swear my heart stopped.

'saw' instead of 'was'

Finally he decided to break the silence.

*Finally, he...

I replied, perhaps a but too bluntly.

'bit' instead of 'but'

We finally reached my house, we then David went and opened the car door for me.

we (the one in bold)

Story
The story is really good, but I didn't understand one thing.

My mom was on the couch, watching TV. When, she saw me, She said: "You're home early, Charlotte. What's the matter, are you not feeling very well?"
I shrugged and turned toward the stairs. Before I could take two steps, my dear mother spoke again.


You say here she was sitting on the couch, and Charlotte was standing, facing the stairs. Since she had to turn away from the couch to face the stairs, the couch was nowhere near the stairs.
Then later,

Mom spun me around to face her, and I saw that her face had darkened. "Wait a minute, Charlotte. Did he touch you?!" She was freaking out. "You know you can tell me if he did."


When this was said, she was somewhere near the stairs.

When did her mother get off the couch and be near enough the stairs to spin Charlotte around? If Charlotte hadn't realised her mother had got up, she is supposed to be surprised to see her near herself. If she had realised, it should be mentioned.

Overall
It is a nice story. Looking forward to more chapters.

-Prachi



Don't let fear keep you from some amazing opportunities.
— WeepingWisteria