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Young Writers Society



Waves of Indigo

by AmeliaCogin


Hi everyone! I was inspired by poetry revision for my English exam ( who'd of thought, eh? lol) to write a poem with very little punctuation. I think it's called a Enjambement...eek...this idea kind of came to me and I just whipped it up. I'm not sure if It's rubbish: I really welcome critisism! Thanks, please review
~Amelia
:)

The iciest of blues
It tumbles

Into the rippling lake
Of translucent silver,
Dotted
With metal cylinders
Opaque bottles and
Faded paper ribbons of colour.
They glide lazily
Through their liquid field
Drift silently
As the rain,
Thick with acid

Peppers invisibly
With pallid swirls.

Two plastics
Stray from the pack
Gain independence

Wash to the bank
Into ailing waters
Laced
With shy waves of indigo.

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30 Reviews

Points: 1855
Reviews: 30

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Sun Apr 17, 2011 6:38 pm
Sageleaf wrote a review...



Hey Amelia! I really like this poem, how you actually paint a picture in my head. This is a good example of descriptive poetry. I think a lot of poetic writers forget to decribe things accurately, like they would in an actual story, but you nailed it!

You need to get rid of the extra spaces here

Thick with acid

Peppers invisibly
With pallid swirls.


And here
Two plastics
Stray from the pack
Gain independence

Wash to the bank
Into ailing waters
Laced
With shy waves of indigo.


You should consider expanding on this, I think it could be a great beginning to a wonderful story.

Sage




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378 Reviews

Points: 1276
Reviews: 378

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Thu Apr 14, 2011 8:05 pm
Soulkana wrote a review...



Amazing job ^^ Really loved your descriptions and could practically see the world this poem paints. Hopefully you will add more soon ^^. I will look forward to reading it. Very much so. Hopefully I get done with whatever homework I have. Lols. Good luck and Happy Writing. Keep up the good work. You'll get far if you keep improving =)





To have more, you have to become more. Don't wish it was easier - wish you were better. For things to change, you have to change, and for things to get better, you have to get better.
— Jim Rohn