Look past my depths.
Look through me,
To a darkness beyond,
A blank wall.
Succinct and
Pertinent.
Long-winded flames and
Inspirational, enlightening light.
Consistently inconsistent.
I flare high and disappear or
Smolder eternally.
All I leave behind is all I am.
Your vision is dazzled, entranced,
Deceived by glory and strength
And hunger.
Voracious appetite few seek to harness
But those who look past and see
I am boundless.
Ceaseless.
Illimitable.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,731 Reviews
I agree with threm.
My suggestion for you is not use so complex words... sometimes it's effective. Oftentimes, it lessens the appeal of the poetry. But nonetheless, as a whole, your poetry is good. You gave the qualities of fire yet, you give it a hint of personality. And you pointed out that it's not perfect, just like everyone.
Did i misinterpret it? :)
-threm.
This was fabulous. I really like the way it flowed and connected even though it didn't rhyme. The only nit pick I have on this is that you don't need to capitalize each line unless it's the beginning the sentence.
Right now, I am speechless.
~Shina
Hey there, my Adna dearest ^_^
).
So, here's your general opinion review of the poem, seeing as I am rather failacular at it myself and am therefor incapable of giving any real nitpicky advice (dammit, I love nitpicks
I think it's very nice, you use good vocabulary and the flow of the poem works well. Saying it out loud it works very well, too. (Seeing as I'm sitting here reciting your poem =])
Succinct is a very.. er, hm, how do I put this? It's not a "soft" word, it has sharp C and T sounds, which set it apart a lot from the smooth and calm flow of the rest of that stanza. I think you could find another word to replace it with, that doesn't sound quite as harsh, but sill gets the job done. And such.
=]
This, I love. ^^
Ah! I love your poetry. Can I haz your babiez? =D
I'm not to fond of the last word, to be honest, though I love the first two sentences of this stanza.
Hmm, done? That was my limited ability of giving poetry reviews, hehe ^^ hope you get something useful out of it, my dear.
XxxDo
Angela!
(eh... am I allowed you say your real name on YWS? Or is it confidential? xD)
Someone who is vocabulary incompetent might not appreciate the poem as much as a genius might. You may want to dumb it down just a little... but I still love the use of your words!
First off, as the person above me mentioned, this poem definitely has a mysterious feel to it. It's awesome!
I have some nitpicks though!
Something that's always bugged me about poetry is that people have the tendency to think that every line must be capitalized, in which is entirely untrue. In fact, it shouldn't be. It should read kind of like a sentence. Because a sentence wouldn't look like "Look through me, To a darkness beyond, A blank wall." Even in poetry, it really breaks up the poem because if looks like every line is a new sentence, so when you read it out loud, it sounds choppy and weird. I think if you fixed that, it would be on the whole much easier to read.
Like Husky, I had to look up a word or two. It's way awesome that you have such a big vocabulary, but some of us stupid people don't know what those words mean.
And last nitpick. I don't particularly like the "..." in:
It seems too awkward and hesitant for a poem that's so strong. I think it would sound much better without it.
But except for those things, this poem's seriously way good. I love the way you have to imagine a fire in order to fully understand the poem. The personification of this piece is seriously like... whoa. xD I mean, the fire has this incredible character that's present in every line. You gave a new look to fire. It's absolutely amazing! *showers you in praise*
Keep writing, my budding little poet!
-Holly
There is a certain mysterious quality behind this whole work [as all poetry does]. But this poem has this evil behind the wording of it. Within the third stanza, when you describe the flames, to me it means that as long as I am burning, my power is immense and eternal.
But once I go I leave behind the ashes. This poem has a unique dark/superior quality to it. It shows the power of the fire or the fire of your personality and how it can turn to the dust.
It also shows the innocent human adoration in fire. Very good poem.
The words of your poem coincide perfectly with the theme of fire, that is a pro. The only con that seemed to strike my mind was that as I read it, you seemed to be trying to find the 'complicated words', or rather complex synonyms of common terms. While I encourage being unique I found myself stumbling through this carefully examining why did you place that word there instead of this one.
For example, the use of:
quite early on has me currently going to a dictionary, but while I found the wording somewhat beyond that of the normality of the work I read, the length of the poem and the overall theme blends quite harmoniously and so I think you may have rather done me a favour by refreshing my vocabulary and I thank you for your service to the writing community with the hopes of reading more dramatic poetry from yourself in the coming future.
Warm Regards,
-Elitehusky
P.S. After looking at the definitions to which Succinct means short and concise and Pertinent, being related to the situation at hand, in short, I think they go quite well when it comes to describing the energy contained within a flame burning anything that comes near while remaining somewhat compact and strong.