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Young Writers Society



Let's see

by Adnamarine


Let's see if I can do this when I'm angry.
It's not called venting. That I did.
I lashed out at those around me furiously.
Strangers, stay out of my path;
you may talk as though you know me,
but you don't know the half.
I'm not pounding anymore, the
adrenaline rush has faded.
Now that it has, I find this not so easy.
If this is what it takes to climb on the express,
then it ought to come more often and more simply.
I get these moods often enough, too often;
ask that spiteful person and they'll agree quickly.
When they do, perhaps it will come on again,
and I'll see if I can do this when I'm angry.

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25 Reviews

Points: 1140
Reviews: 25

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Sun Jul 06, 2008 7:44 am
Speele wrote a review...



I agree that the topic is not clearly defined. I have a bit of an idea, but that's only because I read it three times then came too my own conclusions. Pretty words, but the subject is either very shallow or too deep too catch a breath. I don't like the 'getting on the express' line, mostly because it doesn't fit and I don't know what it's saying anyway.

When you seperated it into verses, I liked one and three. Two and four seemed a seperate poem almost. However, I prefer this peice in one big verse-like thing. It's very thought-like and thoughts are never very neat.

That was all critique. I'm only trying to help and I really enjoyed the wording of some parts, I can see the potenial. It just needs work, like every other good thing in life.




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816 Reviews

Points: 8413
Reviews: 816

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Fri Jul 04, 2008 3:05 pm
Leja wrote a review...



After the first two lines, I was disappointed. The difference between the first two lines and the rest of the poem is that the first two lines are about something specific w the rest of the poem is very summary-like and general, as if the poem is trying to explain something away. Especially lines like:

Strangers, stay out of my path;

you may talk as htough you know me,

but you don't know the half.


There are many many instances where you see someone bemoaning the fact that people don't understand them, but it rarely goes any further than that.

What is the "this" throughout the poem? The "... if I can do this when I'm angry" and "... I find this not so easy" and "If this is what it takes to climb..."

Basically, I have no idea what the poem is about. It seems like one of those poem where you're the only one it makes sense to.





Nothing is impossible, for the word itself says, 'I'm possible!'
— Audrey Hepburn