I sit
And I wait.
Watching the crows fly by
It hits.
I'm fate.
I'm what they all fear.
I'm dormant.
I can't move, I'm only tossed by the wind.
Awaiting to ascend,
I relent.
I am fate, as before I was seed,
Now I am evolved and new.
At the end of this stalk,
Where I grow and die
I come to realize
While the crow flies
With its dreary eyes
That I am what every other human fears.
I am immobility.
I am dormant.
I am thoughtless.
I am dying.
From this stalk, I stare
Through the warm, crisp air
At the edge of nowhere
And the emptiness beyond.
It is futile
To dream
With a lifeless being.
And that is what nobody has seen.
The void,
The pit,
That dark hole where a fire was lit.
That fire was life.
That fire doesn't move.
It just slowly decays,
Over days, it decays, as it slowly whisks away.
As do I,
On this stalk. I do not walk.
I do not talk.
I sulk.
But I see.
I see how blind they were.
To look past the only conceivable trait of what it means to be human.
To live.
Don't sit.
Don't dread.
Don't sulk.
You have no stalk
No means of which to stop you from your walk.
While the crow descends,
I've reached the end,
As death's hand ascends,
To collect me in a basket.
His straw hat so deceivingly innocent.
As though he were a farmer.
As though I were corn.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,941 Literary Works • 672,335 Reviews
The corns enemies will pluck it and eat it, therefore he will in fact reach an end. The corn has no control over what happens to itself. The feeling in this poem is despair of the corn. It has no beautiful life, or at least that is what it thinks. it's life is food for those who have more control over their life.
I enjoyed the rhymes, very poetic. Each part of the poem has feeling and leads from one thought of the corn to the next.
Heyo, AceofPayds! Lupa here with a RevMo review!
Let's get started.
1)
Two things here. "it's" should be "its," first of all. And also, in the description, you mention that this poem is told from the perspective of corn, but the fourth line says "every other human," not "every human." As corn is not human, the latter makes more sense.
2)
Another two things here. "Decay" is kind of a funny word for a fire. You could say a fire dies/fades away, but decaying is usually used for living things.
Also, this might be intentional, but the repetition of the word "decays" is a little redundant. Again, you could use some of the examples above, or come up with your own creative replacements. Up to you.
I love love love the ending of your poem! It's perfect for this slightly depressing poem. You carried it out so well. The corn was such a cool touch to this work--who knew you could make so many analogies out of a vegetable?
XOX,
Lupa22
Hey there! Shey here for a review!
Well this is a different type of poem. It's from the perspective. Of. Corn. That's actually really cool. The themes of poetry are normally kind of the same old same old, often about relationships, friends, stress, that sort of thing. But not this one.
It pleases me to see such a unique poem. I would never consider writing poetry about corn, from the perspective of corn, and I think that goes for a lot of people. That's why you have something so great here, because no one would ever, ever, EVER end up making a poem similar to this. For the rest of time, you will be the only true corn poet. It sounds super lame when I say it like that, but it's actually something gou should be proud of.
I'm writing this in math class while the class finishes a quiz, so I haven't much time to comment on stuff. But just know that you have a great poem, and I wanted that to be clear. I also will quickly point out that the repetition in the piece really helps get the message across, so it's very effective.
Overall, awesome job! Keep up the great work, cause I look forward to seeing more from you!
Thank you, Shey, so much for submitting a review on my piece. I find your words enlightening and uplifting. I will surely write more of my spontaneity when I have inspiration. Speaking of which, have you any ideas, preferably random ones, that I might write of?
I would gladly do so.
Hmmm. Obviously, I'm a fan of potatoes, but you already did a vegetable poem. XD
Well, surely you can randomize a thought, right? I guarantee you have something. Anything. I'll write it.
I promise.
Silverware. Forks, knives, spoons, etc. Run wild. XD
OMG, MY HANDS. MY HANNNNDDDSSSS. They rush with the urge to inscribe randomness.