Young Writers Society

Hi @1nspire! I love this poem! It is simple, yet the message is powerful. I love the rhyming pattern you used and I feel that it contributes to the tone of the poem, especially in the third stanza:
"So here I remain,

forgotten by the world,

listening to the rain,

no other sounds to be heard"
This is very deep and serious and the rhythm of these lines helps me understand that.
You did a great job selecting words that would generate imagery for the reader. As I read the poem, I could see exactly what you were describing.
I loved the ending where you revealed that you were actually a bench. The personification was amazing and I could relate to your message even from my perspective. I really liked this poem and what you were trying to convey to your readers through it. Keep writing!

Hey!

Talk about a plot twist. I thought I was in for something really deep and emotional but you're like NOPE JUST A BENCH and I love that, honestly. I suppose that's deep in its own way if you think about it.

I would just like to point out- I am a MASSIVE fan of poetry that stands out. This is definitely one of those poems. Great job with it! It's very, very unique. At least, to me. I haven't read much poetry, to be completely honest.

This poem also has great rhythm and rhyming. That's impressive because I know from experience that it can be harder than it looks. And, trust me- you make it look EASY.

By the way, this poem also painted a very specific image in my mind. It was simplistic and beautiful! Very well done.

Hope to read more of your art.

-M

The rhythm is what struck me and dragged me in.
I like the picture it creates in my mind.

Whoa!!!!!

Hi. I’m Morgan When I read this poem, I was intrigued by your rhythm and rhyming. You see, just two days ago, I had to do a sonnet for my English/reading teacher and I ENJOYED it. Although, I’m pretty sure I was the actually one actually. I kinda kept that to myself i mean....oh well, I’m such a loner. Lol
Anyway, once I read this I was so amazed. This was so good and I really can’t wait to review more of your work. Good job...and keep up the good work!

Happy writings, Morgan

Whoa!!!!!

Hi. I’m Morgan When I read this poem, I was intrigued by your rhythm and rhyming. You see, just two days ago, I had to do a sonnet for my English/reading teacher and I ENJOYED it. Although, I’m pretty sure I was the actually one actually. I kinda kept that to myself i mean....oh well, I’m such a loner. Lol
Anyway, once I read this I was so amazed. This was so good and I really can’t wait to review more of your work. Good job...and keep up the good work!

Happy writings, Morgan

Hello, my name is Jade and I saw this in the Green Room. The title caught my interest so I've decided to review it. I will go through it line by line (sorry, I know that sounds crazy) to help improve this. I promise everything I write is my honest opinion and I'm not trying to be rude. But let's get started:

Firstly:
Rain pours down

on the corner of the street

collecting on the ground

among the bustling feet.

The rhyming scheme is amazing in this first part. The last line: among the bustling feet sounded off, though. Personally, I think among bustling feet sounds better. Other than that it flowed and I have no other bad comments. Just praises for this. It was a good start to the poem.

Second:
No one stops to talk

or even say hello,

on and on they walk,

staring at their phones.

This is good, too. I do think the line: or even say hello, would sound better if you wrote it like: Not even a hello.
But that really is just my personal preference so please don't take that personally.

Third:
So here I remain,

forgotten by the world,

listening to the rain,

as people pass without a word.

This is perfect except for the last line. It threw me off and messed the flow up. You already mentioned that above. Maybe swap it out for a new sentence that describes something else.

Last of all:
Planted in cement,

I am just a lonely bench.

That's a twist ending if ever I've seen one. The whole poem I was imagining a lonely person but WOW! I mean, wooooow!

OVERALL:

Overall, I rate this a seven out of ten. It was well written and very descriptive. The flow was the main problem. I suggest reading the next poem you write aloud. It will help make it sound better.

Good luck and keep writing.
~Jade

P.S. I'm not a poet myself. I just like reading it. Don't take any of what I say to heart. I just give my honest opinion. But I hope this helped

Hi there, Princess here to review your poem!

To start off, I really like your poem. The rhyme sequence works really well, and you made your theme work really well. Here’s just a few things I spotted which could use some work:

“eyes glued to their phones” - This seems unnatural and doesn’t flow with the rest of the poem.
“listening to the rain” - Shouldn’t there be a comma after this phrase?

Those are all the things I could find that don’t quite fit in with the rest of the poem. It’s a very good poem!

My favourite part was the last two lines:
“Planted in cement,
I am just a lonely bench.”
I liked how you left in right until the end before telling the reader what the poem was about. This was really effective and helped to portray just how lonely you are.

Please remember that what I said in this review is just my opinion and please do not feel pressured to change anything.

Have a great day/night!