Time for the midterm examinations. Great preparations are on the way. Whenever Marie opens a book, her head becomes congested with the thoughts of the vast syllabus which their class teacher gave a few days ago. Her mother forced her to study with Marley because she believed that one is bound to top if he/she studies with a topper.
Marie doesn’t talk to anyone because whenever there is a conversation, there is a talk of the examinations and Marie hates those conversations. Now, Marie’s main goal is to find a superb way to cheat. It is quite known to her that she will not be able to do well without cheating and if that happens, her good reputation in the class will vanish. She managed to get notes from Marley, but the problem is Marley’s handwriting seems almost inapprehensible to Marie. She told handing over the notes to her mother, “I have never seen such incoherent handwriting! I don’t know how the teachers understand her handwriting. Can you understand? ”
“No.” answered her mother while trying hard to make out something of the notes.
“Then? I am going to return those to her.”
“No. No. Try to decipher the handwriting? ”
“Mom, why are you becoming like Marley? What do you mean by ‘decipher’?”
“ It simply means to figure out”
“I was right. You people are so fond of making the words hard. Whatever I am gonna return it. Bye.”
***
Today is the second day of the examinations. Yesterday was the moral science exam. As for Marie, she did well in it. Marie looked at her wristwatch, it was 8;30 a.m. The examiner distributed the papers among the students. Marie started to read it, “ What is the percentage? - What! Percentage!”. She remembered the percentage because of that villain- it was something associated with math. She thought, “Why is it here? Today is the science exam.” She looked at the paper, it said mathematics paper, then she looked at the board- it also said the same. A seemed like thunder without clouds. She has done a blunder… Now, she has to pay off for it.
Her body became cold, she couldn’t feel her heart-beat or even the pulse. She remembered how she had failed the class test after so much preparation and now what would she do without a little bit of preparation!
She saw Marley sitting on the first bench and solving the sums as fast as he could. She saw many eyes meeting together and one student beckoning to another for the answer. And the most irritating was her partner! She hasn’t talked to her yet! Without getting any way, she kicked the one sitting in front of her- she(the one who Marie kicked) jumped with her hands high up in the air shouting- Ma’am… what followed was more than a nightmare to Marie. She was isolated in another room. The room was empty except for the English teacher who was correcting the answer papers.
Marie got a very good chance. “Ma’am, what are you doing? Shall I inform the principal? ” She said with an evil smile.
The English teacher hurriedly closed all the papers and said, “no. No. Don’t do this. Please don’t do this.”
“Okay. I won't. But , you have to help me in return.”
“What help?”
“Of course in getting the answers to these questions”
“What!? How can I do that? ”
“Okay. You will not do. Then, I am going to inform the principal.”
“No. No. Okay. I am helping.”
She completed the whole paper with the help of the English teacher within an hour where the time allotted is two hours. “Now. You will not inform the principal. ” Said the English teacher.
“Okay. I will not.”
She spent the rest of the time gossiping and talking with the English teacher. After the bell rang, there was a huge rush out of the room.
“How was your exam?” Marie asked Marley
“Not that good. How was yours?”
“Excellent,” Marie answered, wondering how would have been her exams if she didn’t get the help of the English teacher.
Points:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Okayy...so this one took us right into another plot point here, I'm almost gonna see this was maybe a little too fast in how it took us to said other plot point, the whole prank thing seems to be completely forgotten at this point. I do like this new plot point though.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay..well this is tiny bit of a sudden cut here, cause it seems almost like a different story from where we last left off...its as if the whole prank thing aftermath was dealt with in the previous chapter and we've immediately jumped into the exams...on the other hand, well it looks like maybe this is the direction you want to take the story here...so let's see where these examinations end up taking us.
Oh, this is not a good path that she's setting herself down here, you can clearly see the kind of stress that she's suffering from with her mother, her friend and probably her pride at wanting to have good grades are all contributing. But, the fact that she's actively looking into ways that she can cheat is not a good sign for the future here, I feel like she's about to get into more trouble here.
“
Okay...well, this interaction there between the mother and daughter is a bit awkward in terms of pacing but I absolutely love the dialogue. Its just really wholesome and I love the callback to the early conversation Marie had with Marley.
Oooh, we're cutting right into the middle of the exams in possibly the most stressful situation that you can possibly imagine...oh wow, I've done this a couple of times before myself...and the kind of shock and fear that comes up is just...one of a kind...so, well, you cannot blame Marie for starting to freak out here.
Oh dear...well you can understand the sheer desperation there...although her just outright kicking someone is a bit on the extreme side. You'd expect her to be a little more subtle than just that...although students whispering things to each other and teachers marking papers while supervising the other exams are both things that happen very often in our school at least...so those make for some details.
Oooh....Marie is going full blackmail, oh my goodness...it looks like she's crossing a bit of a line here, something like this is some genuine rule breaking that can get you in legal trouble...so far it was all mostly harmless school related pranks but here...phew..well, well, she's getting quite seriously into the role of being a villain here.
Well, its no wonder teacher folded that quickly there, the teacher really is left without all that many options...but you do have to wonder how exactly the english teacher would be able to help that much on the maths paper...although this being class 5, I suppose its not that hard to imagine.
Well the English teacher seems to have fallen into gossiping quite fast there, you'd think she'd be a bit angry at Marie for her actions and the whole blackmail thing, but it looks after that, they're just chatting like friends there...so a little unrealistic here.
Ohh, I have a feeling some more bad things are going to be coming for Marie after her actions in this exam here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, I have a feeling things might get a little serious after this one here...I wonder how Marie's going to fare if what she just did gets noticed by the principal, I have a feeling that something might happen to Marie here. Well I suppose I'll find out tomorrow
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi Forever,
Mailice back with a new review!
This was an interesting chapter and I have to say I enjoyed it too because it took an unusual if somewhat extreme path. But I think that's what makes it so exciting to read what will happen next.
I've mentioned several times, as I meant, that your dialogue seems like a play, and I get the impression that your direct approach in the ongoing narrative is more along the lines of a diary. At least that's how it struck me here. In fact, it was very thoughtful and brimming with detail. I think it's a unique way of writing the story and I think it can make for very exciting stories.
What I particularly liked in this chapter was that the enemies seem to have become a bit of friends. I was very surprised and welcome this development, because I think it gives them a sweet new content. I think tomorrow I'll be done with the whole story and give some more concrete feedback.
Just one thing I noticed here:
This one is sort of the climax of the story, and yet it's written like a dead straight thread with you. I would try to write it a bit differently, maybe with more conflict or more dialogue, because you have to keep in mind that this is a kind of fight between teacher and student. A teacher would probably not give in so quickly, no matter what he did, and think that you can give us a more interesting battle of words there.
Have fun writing!
Mailice.
Hey Alice is here to give a review!!!
Well we came to the most horrific part of the school time, the examination. I was expecting this by the way. Now, the chapter was a good one and so relatable.
SUGGESTIONS
After 'Now' you could have put a comma instead of full stop. It is better to use a comma in a line where you want to take a pause.
A small question I wanted to ask
How can there be math questions in a science paper. Was it the mistake of the school for wrong printing? Or Marie thought that today was the science paper? But it is stated on the paper and on the board that today is Science examination so Marie can't be mistaken.
I think you wanted to write that Marie forgot that today was Maths examinations not Science, then you wouldn't have wrote this line:
I think you should make it clear.
TINY MINY NITPICKS
There should be colon in '8:30' not a semicolon '8;30'
'he' should be 'she'
The first 'no' should be capitalized.
You are improving greatly. You are not making many grammatical or punctuation mistakes.
Great job!!!
Now lets get to the fun part
Yeah Marie, take a lesson if you wanna cheat first become good partners with the person next to you.
Why I didn't have the luck to have this kind of teachers. Our teachers are so strict, if I would have talked to our teacher like this she would have said "Go, go tell the principal. Let's see whom she will listen to" XDDD
It was so fun reading the chapter. Hope you complete your challenge of writing one chapter one day. And hope to see the next chapter's in the green room soon!!!
Bye!!!
thanks for your great review.
and also, thanks for pointing out the mistake. i had overlooked the
i have changed it
That is much better!
thanks
do read the next chapter
Sure
This has changed so dramatically since a few chapters ago. You have put a lot of good detail and information so it's composed really well.
'Whenever Marie opens a book, her head becomes congested with the thoughts of the vast syllabus which their class teacher gave a few days ago.'
This line was very descriptive.
Perhaps when you state Marie's thoughts, you could put it in bold or italics, just because then the reader would know that this is Marie thinking without you having to mention it. And maybe when you said about the percentages being associated about that villain, you could include that within her train of thoughts.
'she kicked the one sitting in front of her- she(the one who Marie kicked) jumped with her hands high up in the air shouting- Ma’am… what followed was more than a nightmare to Marie.'
Could you perhaps make the above line a little more clear? Perhaps when you stated about how the girl was kicked, you could arrange it like this: 'she kicked the girl sitting in front of her, sending her jumping up and calling for the teacher.'
Enjoyed reading this
i liked it. thanks for the suggestion.
This is another great chapter - your writer strengths become more evident as you contribue more and more, so well done! However, there seems to be a reccuring theme - present and past tense shifts and the dialogue heavy writing, which is great, as it does convey a good image of the feelings of the situation at hand, however, it doesn't really paint a vivid image of the setting that you are trying to show - so if I were you, when it comes to edits and refining your work, I would focus on ensuring that your tenses remain consistent and you put at least 4 sentences (suggestion ofc) you try and build an image of the setting. However aside from that it's a good chapter - so keep writing and sharing!
thanks for your review.