It was my first Pharmacology lecture when it all began.
The professor who held the lecture was the first person ever to make me think of the way I’d be after ages.
He was grey and white. I was thinking. I was over-worried. He got me thinking of getting old and grey. I could see he felt backache every time he bent down trying to explain some point. Well, may be it wasn’t clear but I could feel it in my heart. I wasn’t focusing on the lecture. I started scratching my book with my new pen. I thought that doing this would lower my stress. I left college without attending lectures after pharmacology.
I went to the store, and asked for cigarettes. Yes, cigarettes. I bought 5 packets. I was thinking that I am hyper-allergic to the smell of cigarette’s smoke. For some reason I didn’t figure out, I was sure that I was right. I added a lighter. I paid.
Still, there was something bugging me. I was confused. But I certainly took a decision that I don’t want to get old and grey. Don’t want to feel backache as I lay down or get up. Don’t want to look that way somehow. The wrinkles on my skin would make me look super-ugly. I don’t want to be in a risk that my heart may arrest at any time.
I was walking the streets while thinking. I took a cigarette, put it in my mouth and lit it. I was asking myself “Am I sure?!” and “why smoking?! “ But I didn’t find an answer. I am smelling smoke and I can’t tolerate it. I don’t want to cough now. I kept smoking. I coughed. I started coughing hardly, but nothing could stop me. The anger took over me. I smoked more. I coughed even harder. People in the street were staring at me. There were telling me to stop, but in response, I was screaming “It’s none of your business. Leave me alone!!”
But rapidly, I fell on the floor. I woke up in the hospital to find my family and friends around me. I could see a hundred questions inside their heads. The doctor told me that I had to think carefully before I do something like this. They don’t know how bad my day was.
And in the end, maybe people don’t want to die, because they don’t want to leave this world. Because they are .not strong enough to leave it! Though, they don’t want to get old and grey, they go through it
10:03
Mon, Feb11, 2013
Ilham A. Al-Khatib
(Feel free for critique)
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