Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,426 Literary Works • 672,015 Reviews
Hey again, Kimmybee!
I just reviewed another piece of yours, when I noticed this one woefully unreviewed as well! And thus, I am here to offer my insight yet again (and hopefully be somewhat helpful in the process).
I quite like the concept you're working with here. I definitely know how it feels to think people are talking about you when you're not around/needing to know how people think of you when you're not around. It's something very human, I think, and I really identified with it. I particularly like the fourth stanza, how the speaker is pleading with whoever it is they're speaking to, asking to be let in on these secrets that everyone else has and they're not allowed in on.
However, that was almost the only stanza that really worked for me. Structurally, there's not much I have issue with in this poem. But it's the way the things said in this poem are said, and the ways these feelings are presented that doesn't quite sit right with me.
I'd really like to see, I think, less repetition on the speaker's part. We get this "tell me" "tell me" "tell me" "I promise I won't care" thing over and over and over and it detracts from what this poem could be. In truth, this speaker probably will care what other people think (whatever we say or think, we can't escape that desire to be approved of by our peers; no matter what the speaker says they will be changed and impacted by knowing this information). I'd like to see more of the speaker's other thoughts on the matter; why do they suspect people think things about her they don't say to her face? What will she gain from knowing this information? Why does she think people keep these things from her, if it's what they truly think?
All in all, great concept! Just work on the execution and you'll have something great on your hands.
Keep writing!
-Lauren-
hey there. this is really a good poem. i'm going through the same situation and yes,what i can't take is silence. good job and keep writing.