the canvas made by the artist
is one of great argument
some will tell you that the artist
made all their brushes and paints
made all their canvases and easels
but some will refute
and will say
the artist did not make their masterpiece
it was just fate that they were there
it was truly nature and time who made it
others will say that
the artist borrowed from nature
to make their masterpiece
and bought all their tools
all three standpoints are valid
yet it causes so much discourse
causing fights
both mental
and physical
i don't quite know why
because i think we should all look
at how harmful this is
to the masterpiece
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,775 Reviews
@AilahEvelynMae here's The Artist!
This is a representation of how different people and cultures see how the world (the masterpiece) was made. Was it by an artist(a god?) or by nature? Additionally, the end talks about how people often avoid their gaze from how the world (the masterpiece) is being harmed.
Hi herbalhour!
Not sure how such a cool poem is still around in the Green Room :0 but I'm glad I bumped into it!
I agree with Ellie below on a couple of points, so I'll try to steer my review in a bit of a different direction.
To be entirely honest, before I read your pinned comment, I genuinely thought this was about art and people arguing about art. XD (not sure how art could have just developed from nature, but there's my brain) -- I think the bit about causing fights is what made me think something else could be going on, and in some respects that's really the crux or turning point of your poem.
You begin by laying out one perspective, adding two others, then push us to the point of violence, and finally, show readers a different way of looking at things. I really love that about your poem, I think the structure is doing a lot of work in guiding the reader through different ways of seeing things.
One thing I might say is that I wish the imagery was a little stronger, especially around the "harmful" aspect. Not that it necessarily needs to depict violence, but I think that the more you emphasize that arguments are making people miss the point, then the real point at the end will hit home more strongly.
On a smaller note, I think that this line might be worth changing:
When I realized what this poem was actually about, it felt a little bit limiting to pinpoint it down into "three standpoints." Perhaps those are the three you've seen interacting/arguing the most, but I was thinking it might be worth broadening to something like "all standpoints," given that there must be a lot.
But, I do like that you indicate that they're all valid -- again, this highlights that the fighting part is not okay, whatever the belief.
Overall, I really like the message you have in this poem. For me, I think I primarily love the structure of the poem, the way it flows to that turning point, but I do like a lot of your word choice as well!
This is an especially nice pairing.
I think you did a really nice job and reflected on a really interesting topic -- in a way that makes readers reflect, as well.
Sorry if this review was a little all over the place, it's not my typical style! Let me know if you have any questions.
-Q
glad you liked it! i'm cutrently revising some of mine-- notabl i need to change "three" to these.
MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:
Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret
For some reason, in my head, i had already reviewed this XD so i was scrolling though the greenroom and was like “no way someone else hasnt reviewed it yet”... then realized that someone was me. Let’s jump right into it, haha!
“Is one of great argument” doesnt sound right. Maybe you meant “one of the greatest arguments” or something like that!! But besides that, (and the fact that you told me what you wrote this poem about already lol), it seems that this poem is about religion and different ways people view it.
Some people believe that this creator has created everything. I love your use of the words brushes and paints. The metaphor you are using throughout this whole piece is lovely! It fits so well and doesnt feel forced at all to me.
Our next section captures people who do not believe in the Artist and instead, believe in FATE. once again, mentioned in your poetry. I love this fate theme!!
I love the statement that you make about all of these points of viewing things being valid. I really appreciate you mentioning that and that is something i love about this poem. You are merely a narrator. You are not showing any opinion, besides the opinion that all opinions matter.
I wonder what motivated you use use bolding and italics? In my interpretation, i see this as mental in italics representing the things we think. Italics are often used on words that are said. Maybe this shows the effect that these fights have on what we think about ourselves and mentally how we handle things. Bolding shows strength in a way, it also shows something being tough. I think using this on the word physical was brilliant.
Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement
My suggestion would have to be the line i mentioned earlier with the word argument. And actually, rereading it a few times, it makes more sense in my brain now haha, but it still may sound a little better if you changed up the wording? Totally up to you on that
Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises
My favourite part was the last three lines of the poem:
I love the message. It is beautiful and you executed it extremely well. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Tea!
Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts
Thanks for this masterpiece tea
also ps:
Spoiler
I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!