they tried to try
sorrow and joy
laughter and tears
they slowly understood the other
"maybe you aren't just binary"
and
"maybe you aren't so cruel"
and so
they tried to try
to embrace the other
the other tried to embrace them too
however
it is no longer then
it is no longer "tried"
because now they try
they try to improve themselves
regret is just a baggage left behind
and yes
they will say
"remember when i tried to try?"
"I remember when you tried to try. I'm sorry for then."
"It's okay. We are both sentient now. arewenot??"
"Yeah... bothofusaresentient."
almost without noticing
they started to bond
a facade
the people around them saw
but
theprogrammergotprogrammedbytheprogram
and so
they tried to try
but they can no longer try
as one is dead
and one is a facade
pretendingtobetheother
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,029 Literary Works • 672,776 Reviews
facades
make
eee
aaaa
rrrrrrrr
sssss
d
rrr
oooo
ppppp
from
f
a
c
e
s
what a humiliating
f______e
_a____t_
MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:
Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret
So happy to be here, reviewing this awesome poem
I love your use of opposite or conflicting words to show this distance and closeness. We go from sorrow to joy. In good times and bad. And then from a positive, laughter, and then tears. This gives me a sense of, well, life. The currents of the world that we live in that are as unpredicted as they are controllable.
We go from this past tense:
To the poem shifting into present tense:
I love your use of bolding and this last sentence about regret. Yes, regret is this baggage that we can leave behind, but that separation isn’t easy. The longing and yearning for what we had before is intense, but possible to overcome.
Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement
The word “facade” is written with a strike through. Maybe it would be better the strike thought the entire line, “a facade”. Is the strike thought is to represent what is intended, hear, felt, but not seen, crossing out the whole line seems better to me. That way it doesn’t seem like the word “a” is said out loud.
Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises
I love the variation of tools you use to make a point. Bolding, strike-thoughts, linking your other poems, and quoting. I love this about all of your poetry- it is always unique and always creative! Incredible job, herb!
Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts
Thanks for sharing this lovely poem
Your friend,
-Ellie
I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!
Hey, tea! Ley here to review this beautiful poem for you! I saw this was in the Green Room so let's get this party started! *cheers*
Firstly, I just wanted to say this reminded me of an emotion-filled spoken word! If you haven't already tried writing spoken word, you should! I feel like you'd be super good at it.
When I was reading this I felt... Sad, empathetic, and emotional. The way you wrote and your language was filled with rage and regret and it seems like it was coming from someone that's misunderstood. I really felt every single thing that you were trying to convey!
My favorite line/quote is...
I loved this line mostly because of the way you referenced your other poems, It made me say "wow, that's clever"! This is a super artistic way of writing! Well done! :]
Some things I would change would be... If you added some type of punctuation and or capital letters I feel like the poem would flow a little bit smoother, but when it comes to poetry it's super hard to make suggestions! I love it just the way it is, as well!
Overall... This is a beautiful poem and I'm so happy you shared this. It seems like it comes from a very sensitive spot, and I applaud you for speaking your mind. <3
With Love,
Leya