i forgot about you
dear friend of mine
and i wonder how you have been
conversely
i forgot who you were
dear friend of mine
and why i said you had sinned
amnesia of fate
time heals all wounds
at least thats what they say
but their words are lies
no more than birds saying they're flies
because you lead me to dismay
please don't remember me
twisted prey
for you prey on my mind
never come back
but don't stay there
always trying to find me
please don't remember me
malicious deer
for you are not dear to me
please stop relentlessly looking
for the hunter you called the one
because i am not the same person
who pulled you by your tongue
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140,071 Literary Works • 672,990 Reviews
are you but the prey
or instead
are you but a hunter
Hello there! I popped by to give this a little read and have been so enraptured by it that it would be a mistake to leave without a review.
I love the theme of memory and time; the pain and confusion that comes in the absence of closure, and the guilt and avoidance that comes with change.
Short verses and a lack of punctuation communicate the difficulty and caution that the voice of the prey speaks with. They have a different effect with the voice of the hunter, who sounds desperate more than searching. There is so much to unpack regarding language and structure, in fact, that I don’t think I’ll manage to break it down in one evening.
Centrally, though, the way the “prey” seems to be pulling closer, while the “hunter” pulls away (subverting the classic interpretation of hunter and prey, where the hunter pursues while the prey runs). The designated roles of hunter and prey seem less dynamically upheld and more psychological, underlining the effect of past experiences and social roles on self-perception.
I love how you separated the two voices along the central line of symmetry. While they are not physically face to face, they speak to each other in this way regardless. If I had to compare the effect to anything, it would be those cut scenes in musicals where characters sing song parts individually. Despite contextual isolation, they still sing to and for each other.
Merry Christmas if you celebrate it and Happy Holidays if you do not.
- A fellow enjoyer of poetic expression.
Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Good morning Tea! Ellie here to write another essay... i mean leave another review, haha. I'll try and keep this one not extremely long lol let's get right into it!
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
Lets start with my inpressions and interpretation. This poem is PACKED with things to discuss. Staring with the title, this leads me to believe that the first section of the poem is from the point of view of the prey and the second is the hunter.
it seems that our prey has forgotten about the hunter for some time. i sense that they were once good friends, or have some sort of relationship that connects them. whether this poem is talking about actual people, or if it is symbolic of somthing else, i am still not too sure. the prey seems to wonder how this other person is doing after not talking to them.
Tea, i quite enjoy the vocabulary that you use when writing poetry. i think it helps me think more deeply about what you write.
i like your use of the word conversely in this sentence. the prey states that they have forgotten who the hunter is. it seems like they are saying, i wonder how you are doing, despite th fact that i also cannot remember you, who used to be my dear friend.
we continue with these beautiful lines:
the prey seems to have forgotten what the hunter has done to them. this line of "amnesia of fate" is quite beautiful, tea! amnesia, in my understanding, is the loss of memory to some degree, completely or partially. the definition of fate is the development of events beyond a persons control. i sense our prey is stating that they have uncontrollably succumb to this state where they no longer remember what has gotten them here and what has caused them to feel these emotions toward the hunter.
next we read:
the prey does not believe that time heals all wounds, showing they they are still hurt deeply by past events. i love this statement of comparing this to birds saying they are flies. i sense lies in this relationship, masking, and manipulations. they prey was led to dismay, woe, thats powerful!
now moving on to the second section of this poem, that i assume to be from the hunters POV.
another strong start:
the hunter does not want to be remembered by the prey. the prey is now described as being twisted and feasting on the hunters mind. maybe they have been manipulative?
one word: SLAY *mic drop*
the act of calling the prey a deer and then saying you are not dear to me put a huge smile on the face. what a wonderful play on words, WOWWWWWW! like i said, slay. just slay. anyways XD we see that the hunter sees the prey as malicious, or a person with the intention of causing harm.
my interpretation is that the hunter once was a person who harmed the prey, but they have changed. the prey has not accepted that and does not see them for who they have become, only for who they were. this has caused even more contention and has revealed some of the preys own weaknesses.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
outstanding work Tea!
there were a couple lines that confused me a little bit:
the thing with raw poetry like this is that sometimes it can be hard to seperate the sentences and statements. are these seperate thoughts, or all one? are you saying never come back. but dont stay there. or is it connected? always trying to find what? there is so much more i want to know!!!
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
Tea, come here... pssssssst....
i got a secret for you...
Spoiler
As i said before, this was a mic drop moment. love it!!! id love to see more word plays like this in your poetry to come!
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
That was amazing tea!! you are so good at writing... not just good, but absolutely splendiferous!
Ellie Mae
hehe thanks ellie <333
oops its always trying to find ME hehehehe
thank you for the compliment <333
mwa
makes more sense
love your stuff so much!!