oh ok sorry

Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!


Good Evening, Slaytime. Ellie here for a quick review. As you recommended, I am writing reviews to combat my boredom. I decided there is no better place to start than some of your amazing poetry. Let’s get right into it, shall we?


Top Graham Cracker - What I Know

Let’s begin with my interpretation and my impressions.

sorry to tell you this

I think this is a great starting line. It sets the stage well. I can already sense a lot of emotion built up- regret? frustration? overwhelmed?

sorry to impend on you

sorry to tell you what's right

I like your use of the word impend in this sentence. This makes me think that the writer feels that they are causing harm, or in a way, threatening/causing distress to the other person. This second line really stood out to me. sorry to tell you what is right is filled with emotion, i am almost sensing some irritation in this line.

"oh ok sorry"

the words typed to make amends

however you said not to apologize

for my words mean nothing

the words "oh okay sorry" are repeated throughout this poem. In this section, it seems that these words may have been exchanged over text, in a conversation where the writer felt that their words did not matter. they were told by the other person to not apologize. it seems like they were dismissed and not appreciated. i sense a lot of tension between these people at this time.

we can really clearly see that the writer feels like there words do not matter when we read the following section:

"oh ok sorry"

i say once more

you say once again that it means nothing

Now, we see that the writer does not only feel unappreciated but that their words mean nothing to the other person.

our writer attempts to apologize one more time:

once more i say

"oh ok sorry"

before the conversation takes a turn and gets more contentious. we see this in the following section of the poem:

you begin to grow frustrated and so this time i say

"i wish i were sorry"

we can see that the other person is becomming frustrated. it seems that the writer saying sorry is bothering this person. why? maybe they feel that the apology is half hearted, not genuine, or dismissive. i cant know for sure, but i sense a lot of contention between these two people and can guess that they have gotten into some sort of disagreement previously which has caused strain to their relationship.

and for some strange reason

you are now

screaming

yelling

saying i hurt you

i feel that this section is the emotional climax of this poem.the other person is now screaming. we can interpret this in many ways. we also see that they claim the writer has hurt them. my best in terpretation would be that the writer had done something that irritated the other person. this other person feels annoyed by the apologies and it seems to be making this situation worse. the writer wants to make amends and is trying, but their trying is, in the end, angering the other person even more.

i love the layout of this final part of the poem. we see the emotional decline of the characters, but we also literally see it layed out visually with how the words are seperated.

you are now

screaming

yelling

saying i hurt you

it seems like a build up of tears in a persons eye that finally pool over and fall down and down until they gather together at the bottom again. maybe this situation will be like that. maybe these people need to "pool over" before they can come together again and find closure?

anyway, the poem finishes beautifully, with:

so i say for the final time

"oh okay, sorry."

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements

this was a wonderful poem tea!

it is full of amazing symbolism and emotion. if i could give you and advice it would be:

-adding questions to freestyle poetry like this helps me. maybe our writer could make statements like: what more could i have done? why are you screaming? what do i need to do for you to accept my apology? obviously you could format them to sound more emotional but this gives us a better sense of what the writer is feeling instead of just observation statements.

- i loved the formatting. you could play with that even more. as i stated earlier in the review, i love how the words fall like tears at the climax. maybe with a bit more formatting, you could make that even stronger in the poem?

Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece

oh tea! your writing in beautiful. this poem had an especially strong ending.

"oh okay, sorry."

i love how this is the only line in the entire poem with a period at the end of the sentence. just as you stated you apologized for the last time. i love the sense of closure and feeling s and everything! beautiful!

Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts

love this so much tea!! post more post more! i love reviewing your poems because there is always some sort of hidden treasure

Have a great night! Merry Christmas!

Ellie Mae