Hi there PoetryMisfit!
Being someone who’s seen little tidbits of Miyazaki (but never had the chance to actually finish watching one of his films) I thought this work of yours was pretty interesting. It seems to be a hybrid between being a review recommending me Ghibli movies and also being an essay about the themes of said movies.
First, I’m going to make some comments about the points you made in the work and how you structured them. The message I take away from reading this is that Miyazaki films show how imagination can enrich ordinary life. I like the examples you chose to illustrate this and how you linked them to this theme.
The focus on the protagonist fades into the scenery and the comings and goings of strangers at each stop make you wonder what sort of lives they lead. Likewise, you indulge your imagination by being aware of the world around you, pondering the lives of strangers and consequently yourself.
I think this bit of analysis is really crucial in giving that example some context. I was finding it a bit hard to catch the point being made in that paragraph at first, but these lines I’ve quoted helped me understand.
The last paragraph puzzled me a bit. I think it’s a general rule of writing persuasively or informatively that you want to separate out different points into different paragraphs. Here, 1 and 2 seem to be different points that also haven’t been talked about before this last paragraph.
1. Your imagination is what conjures the stories in your mind behind the lives of strangers, and allows you to see things not as they are but as they could be.
2. Your imagination is what draws the roadmap for where you want to go and the adventures you can have along the way.
1 seems to be about seeing potentiality and possibility, while 2 seems to be about planning out one’s life in a more practical sense?
I also thought the first few sentences of this paragraph seemed to be introducing a new topic, ‘wonder’, which was a bit confusing, because it then leads into a summary of points from the previous paragraphs. I get that they’re all connected in some way, and I think it’s an interesting point of view. It might just be easier to understand it if the connections between wonder, imagination and its various applications / messages from Ghibli films could be made more explicit.
Now, I’m going to nitpick sentences a little bit and point out some potential typos.
This might not matter at all if you’re writing informally, but there are some places where commas don’t really seem necessary here.
Once there, she must save her parents from the witch who imprisons them in the bodies of pigs, and find a way to escape.
Since the subject (“she”) isn’t repeated after “and”, you can do without the comma. I also found this sentence a bit hard to track. There are three things going on and also three characters being introduced.
I’m also not sure if the colon after “Close your eyes and imagine” is necessary.
Hayazaki means to depict beauty that would otherwise go unnoticed.
I think you meant to type Miyazaki or Hayao Miyazaki there.
Style-wise, I most enjoyed reading your third paragraph. It has the same structure as the second paragraph, 1. Introducing the film 2. Discussing a particular scene 3. Telling the reader what lesson we can learn.
Now, I’m not telling you to follow stray cats . . . Be open to these adventures and indulge your imagination with what awaits you on the path to trying something new.
I like how you used a more conversational tone to shift into the ‘takeaway’ from the film here. It helps me see where the description of the film ends and the review/essay part begins, so the paragraph is clearer for me to read.
Overall, I think this piece fulfils the expectations for a good review (or essay). It describes the films and a brief and action-focused way, and then makes a recommendation, with some interesting thoughts along the way. The structure of the last paragraph might be a bit confusing to readers, who might expect only a summary there (or who like me, might have expected to see one more film + scene introduced because of the rule of three xD). Still, these are some interesting thoughts. Thanks for a good read!
Hope some of this helps and feel free to ask for more feedback,
-Lim
Points: 11910
Reviews: 277
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