Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okay...this was a pretty interesting story...I liked the overall vibe of this story quite a bit and the descriptions sprinkled throughout were really interesting to see.

Anyway let's get right to it,

A ball of light plummeted to the Earth at an alarming rate, leaving a streak of dancing particles in its wake. The light kissed the mist lingering in the air over a sleeping town before finally landing in a field of wild flowers. The night was silent except for the soft rustling of the trees dancing in the wind. The brilliance emanating from the ball of light faded as the Earth gently coaxed it into darkness. A girl who had been stargazing close by stood staring at the impact, never before experiencing a step out of the ordinary. She wondered what could create such brilliance, and ran to discover the source of light. Her untamed hair flew in the wind.

As she got closer there was no longer a bright mass of dancing atoms but a boy sprawled among the flowers. His skin glowed softly with a golden hue, his hair a white pallor like the face of the moon. She sunk to her knees beside him as he breathed slow and steady – asleep. She watched his white lashes brush against his golden cheeks as he slept, and thought he was very handsome.

A rush of euphoria flooded her heart and burst through every chamber, awakening a strange sensation. She felt light enough to soar beyond the moon as her head swayed in a giddy stupor. She laid down beside him and aligned her body with his but placed a respectful gap of flowers between them. Her back to the soft bed of grass, she glanced up at the stars and imagined what stories the boy could tell. And as her head swam with pleasant dreams of starlight she shut her eyes and faded away into the tendrils of sleep.

The hazy mist of the morning awoke her and she opened her eyes to find the mysterious boy gone. She sat up and looked around but he was nowhere in sight. Was it just a dream, she wondered. But she touched the grass where his body had been and still felt a kiss of warmth. She returned home convinced the boy was real and tucked the memory of him into a secret place in her heart where it would remain untouched by the weathering of time.

Hello! ^_^ First off, welcome to YWS! <3 I hope you are having a lovely time here, and if you ever have any questions, feel free to ask! c:

I saw this piece in the literary section and decided to leave a review! I'm going to leave some of my thoughts and impressions while reading though this piece, and hopefully that will help you in determining how readers may interpret this!

A ball of light plummeted to the Earth at an alarming rate, leaving a streak of dancing particles in its wake.

The light kissed the mist lingering in the air over a sleeping town before finally landing in a field of wild flowers.

The light kissed the mist lingering in the air over a sleeping town before finally landing in a field of wild flowers. The night was silent except for the soft rustling of the trees dancing in the wind. The brilliance emanating from the ball of light faded as the Earth gently coaxed it into darkness.

The brilliance emanating from the ball of light ... She wondered what could create such brilliance

Her back to the soft bed of grass, she glanced up at the stars and imagined what stories the boy could tell.

But she touched the grass where his body had been and still felt a kiss of warmth.

She returned home convinced the boy was real and tucked the memory of him into a secret place in her heart where it would remain untouched by the weathering of time.

This was great! I love how you managed to stretch a single moment into an entire story, I love how romantic your prose is, and I love how you made love at first sight feel natural. My critique would be that you have a few grammar errors. "And as her head swam with pleasant dreams of starlight she shut her eyes and faded away into the tendrils of sleep." should have a common between starlight and she, "She sat up and looked around but he was nowhere in sight." should have a comma between around and but, and "She returned home convinced the boy was real and tucked the memory of him into a secret place in her heart where it would remain untouched by the weathering of time. " should have a comma between heart and where.

Hi Poetry Misfit,

Mailice back here with a new review!

After reading your other short story, I had to check this one out right away too! I have not been disappointed!

From the beginning to the end, you are captivated again. Your descriptions are so wonderful and graceful, one doesn't have enough to look at. This poetic vein you have struck works like magic. Your way of writing is really magical. It's like a kind of caress that I feel in my head when I read the lines.

I could probably quote almost every single sentence here and say how much I liked it, so I'll keep it short and mention what caught my eye the most. These verses (to call them sentences would really be too bad), I liked the most:

The brilliance emanating from the ball of light faded as the Earth gently coaxed it into darkness.

And as her head swam with pleasant dreams of starlight she shut her eyes and faded away into the tendrils of sleep.

She returned home convinced the boy was real and tucked the memory of him into a secret place in her heart where it would remain untouched by the weathering of time.

As she got closer there was no longer a bright mass of dancing atoms but a boy sprawled among the flowers.

I love it, L-O-V-E, love it. The description sucks you in, and along with the flawless flow, keeps you interested till the end. I just wish there was more. There is really nothing I can critique you on. I am not one to normally read romantic stories, so the fact that you sucked me into the story like that, well, I have to say well done. I really, really enjoyed this.