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Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

Sorrows of the Deep

by PoetryMisfit


   Seila noticed the silence first, an eerie vise gripping the Deep, the churning swishes of the current drowning out all sound. She was far from the bright Shallows, used to being soaked in sunlight and surrounded by the music of her people.

   The current in the Deep was unpredictable, tensed like a lion crab waiting to strike, then pulling violently back and forth as though someone was inhaling the ocean and breathing it out again.

   She clutched her charm necklace, the only light to see by once she descended past the reach of the sun.

   The algae blanketing the bottom was riddled with piles of bones, mounds of all shapes and lengths from various creatures. Surely the seaweed wasn’t the culprit for so many deaths? Then again, the long, black tendrils looked like tentacles silhouetted against the blue glow of her charm, threatening to lash out and add her to the piles.

   A gaping shark mouth jolted her, or what remained of it. The menacing gleam of its sharp teeth made her swim a little faster. The seaweed grew thicker, forcing her to weave around them until she faced a thick black mass too dense to see through.

   Swishing from behind made her turn, but she couldn’t see anything past the edge of her charm’s glow. Sharks were not the only predators she had to worry about.

   This is for Cassius. If he was dead she was going to kill him. Why he ventured so far into the Deep even after they had been strictly told not to, confounded her.

   She touched the seaweed wall and immediately pulled back. The shifting tendrils were slimy, leaving a black residue on her fingers. Swimming above the mass would make her easy prey for any beast lurking nearby, so she squeezed her eyes shut and pushed through the wall.

   She gagged as the seaweed swallowed her. They felt like sea slugs against her skin and twisted in her tail and snagged on her hair. The slime forced its way up her nose and she fought to breathe. Barreling through the muck however, only resulted in entangling her further.

   Calm down. Her charm was a warm comfort against her chest.

   She exhaled, pushing out what slime had shoved up halfway to her brain, and continued on but slower. She would find the end eventually, and there, a few eel -lengths in front of her, a shifting fragment of the current. She clawed through the remaining distance but froze on the other side.

   Rows upon rows of corpses bobbed at the ends of seaweed. So many. She drifted up to one, their features too distorted from decay to recognize them. Two gaping holes sat where their eyes should have been, and movement in one revealed a black eel sliding out, baring its teeth before slithering away.

  Only the tail of a nearby body remained, jagged bits of skin flapping at the waist. Gazing past the half-eaten corpse, her heart dropped straight to the algae bottom. Just beyond the array of carcasses was an edge that dropped off into an abyss.

   A body silhouetted in the blue glow of her charm necklace bobbed directly in front of the sheer drop, and her gut clenched.

   She could discern Cassius’ silver hair from an eel-length away, floating around his head like a shroud. She both hated him and hoped to Pontus he wasn’t dead.

   The cold touch of his face shocked her fingers, but his eyes did not open. She clasped his arms and shook, but he remained still. She cried out in frustration, wound her hand back and smacked him as hard as she could, the sound echoing throughout the space. She froze, but only the slow churning of the current ensued.

   His eyes shot open. Something was wrong.

“Cassius, look at me.”

   She turned his face but his eyes did not register her presence.

   They had a silver sheen, devoid of the spark that usually ignited them.

   His weary gaze struck her harder than everything else.

“Cassius?”

   She needed to bring him to the Elders. Hopefully they would know how to free him from his stupor. They must have known about this place to warn them away so arduously.

   The seaweed wrapped around his tail was too slimy for her to get a good grip, so she grabbed her shark tooth dagger and sawed the thick tendril until it snapped. Cassius fell onto her with a grunt.

“I’ve got you.”

   She hooked her arm around his waist and started back towards the seaweed mass.

   Halfway there, swimming fast with his added weight was difficult. Around them the current shifted, then stilled. Utter silence. Instinctively, she looked back towards the abyss.

“I see you, child of Pontus. You take what is mine.”

   The voice was deep and disjointed. Ancient.

“Cassius?”

   He pulled away from her, his eyes still glassy but more aware than before. He wore a sneer that made her stomach clench.

“Strange to see you still alive. They are always dead by the time they arrive.”

   It was Cassius before her but it was not him who spoke. “No, that means-”

“Your companion is alive but barely. His will to live is strong, but he can’t hold on for much longer.”

   Glistening bubbles drifted from her eyes. “Please, let him go. What do you need him for when you have so many others?”

“You could take his place.”

   He sneered at her tensed expression. “I didn’t think so.”

“No please, what else can I do? What else do you want?”

“No one comes through the entrance alive. The seaweed overtakes them. Explain to me how you did it.”

   His eyes shifted down and she had the urge to shield her chest from his stare. His eyes snagged on her charm and he fingered the chain, his brows furrowing.

“This is why.”

   She ripped it out of his hand and retreated beyond his reach. Several tendrils snaked towards her, coiling to strike. She had nowhere to go.

“Cassius I know you’re in there -”

   Her voice broke but she continued, “please Cassius.”

   He laughed, waving a hand towards a tendril that wrapped around her waist and pulled her back to him.

   He caressed her cheek and whispered in her ear, “he’s mine and now you will be too.”

   She shuddered, memories of the Shallows streaming through her head too fast to focus on any one image. She knew the risk of entering the Deep, swimming beyond the reach of the sun. She at least found Cassius, but what did that matter now that she was going to die. Mother, please guide me to the light.

   At that moment, her charm began to glow indigo, increasing its luminosity until it illuminated the entire space from the seaweed wall to the edge of the abyss and beyond. There were even more corpses than she initially could see and the being possessing Cassius hissed, shielding his eyes.

   She felt the seaweed’s grip loosen and seizing the moment, she wrenched her arm free.

   As the light pierces the dark, so the unknown will become known.

   Mother’s words echoed in her mind, a comforting warmth emanating from her charm as though Mother had placed her hand there, over her heart.

“Sea witch,” he seethed.

   She did not let Cassius’ distorted features halt her. It was not him.

“Foolish child, do you think light will subdue me? You are mistaken. I cannot be defeated. Not even Pontus himself could destroy me.”

Mother’s words still echoing within, she asked, “what are you?”

“I am a nightmare who haunts the Deep.”

“Then why do you possess others? Why not appear in your true form?”

   His eyes glistened with rage and he flung a hand out, a tendril seizing her arm and pulling her to the floor. The grip was hard enough to bruise and she cried out.

“You will die here."


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80 Reviews


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Fri Dec 23, 2022 8:44 am
dragonight9 wrote a review...



Good cliff hanger bit is was a bit abrupt as well. The only other improvements I could think of are perhaps and explanation of the quote from 'Mother' (unless it was explained in a previous story or in the second part of this story), and at the beginning the sentence "the only light she could see by once she descended" it felt like the sentence could have flowed better. It felt like there may have been a pause between "by once" even though the sentence does make sense.

This is my first review and if you can reply to it with any advice about reviewing in the future it would be greatly appreciated.




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Mon Nov 07, 2022 7:16 am
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crescentmoonprodigy wrote a review...



Okay, so first of all, I love mermaid tales, and this definitely delivered! A gothic horror, yes please! I do have a few questions, more so than critiques. What is the abyss? Is it a power that controls the deep, or is it solely dedicated to destroying mermaids by using their own people against them. I feel like if you were to make another chapter and not leave the poor reader (me, of course) on that neatly wrapped cliffhanger, I would like to the aftermath of Sella getting dragged into the abyss, and furthermore, what it is, and what it wants with the charm she wears around her chest.

In addition, before I forget, I feel like it would be pretty beneficial to state what Sella's relationship is with Cassius - maybe drop hints, or outright say it to out rule any speculation, unless you want that.

Conclusion: I've never read such a piece of work that is so rich yet so simple and succinct. I hope my incoherent ramblings will help you out a little bit <3.




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Sun Nov 06, 2022 5:05 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



This… is beautiful. I take it that everyone is a merperson? Cool! You would like to think of what happens next? Well, you could have the thing show itself to Seila and have her die from the sheer power of seeing it. Or maybe the thing was like an outcast of its family and is a beaten down sea creature who kills other merpeople. There could be an intense battle between Seila and the monster.

I wish you a mystical day/night.




PoetryMisfit says...


Thank you for your review! Yeah, both Seila and Cassius as well as the corpses are all merfolk. I really like your ideas. I appreciate you sharing them. :)




"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it."
— We Bought A Zoo