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A Poem About Love

by Inkpot


Love is a black, black place to be
Where your wings are clipped
But your soul is free.

Love is a stranger in an open place
Like a ghost in the winter
With fog for a face.

Love is yearning, thought, desire
Love is like burning,
With the heat of a fire.

Love is what binds you,
And comes without cost,
But is it enough
To redeem what you've lost?


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Points: 444
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Mon Aug 18, 2014 12:00 am
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TheLover wrote a review...



The poem was amazing! I loved every bit. most errors were picked out by some one else. The rhyming was very smooth, which is amazing. I also really liked the title. I liked the way you described love. Many people do not see it from that angle. The word arrangement was quite nice. The read flow was incredible. I like how it ended with a question. I seriously loved this. Very nice piece.

Over all I really enjoyed it and can tell you are a great writer. Don't ever stop writing! Peace out!




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Points: 444
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Sun Aug 17, 2014 11:59 pm
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TheLover says...



The poem was amazing! I loved every bit. most errors were picked out by some one else. The rhyming was very smooth, which is amazing. I also really liked the title. I liked the way you described love. Many people do not see it from that angle. The word arrangement was quite nice. The read flow was incredible. I like how it ended with a question. I seriously loved this. Very nice piece.

Over all I really enjoyed it and can tell you are a great writer. Don't ever stop writing! Peace out!




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Sat Aug 16, 2014 8:37 pm
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dogsrule5 wrote a review...



Hello! Dogsrule5 here to review!

So first of all I thought this was a very good poem, but I did find a few nitpicks/mistakes.

1. Your stanzas are uneven. You don't have to make them even, but you should. It gets kind of overwhelming when you have uneven stanzas. Alright so that's number one.

2. In your first stanza in the second line going into the third you should add a comma after clipped, but before the but. Example...
Before

Where your wings are clipped
But your soul is free.


After.

Where your wings are clipped,
But your soul is free.


So I hope you get that if that makes since.


Alright no more of that nitpick stuff... XD!!!

Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogsrule5




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Sat Aug 16, 2014 6:17 pm
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LadySpark wrote a review...



Hey there! Yours is going to be my first since I got back from my lurking for (3 months!!) so pardon me if I'm a bit rusty when it comes to reviewing. :) I'm Spark, by the way. I don't think we've met.

This is a very interesting take on love. Right out you start with a very angry and morose theme. You don't tell us why you have decided love is dark and depressing, you just set the tone instantly. And I have to confess, I don't think it's working for you. It sets such a heavy heavy beat that you don't even give us a chance to agree with you. It's commanding, and I myself, a lover of depressing poetry, felt myself shy away from it because it gave us no backstory. You just plopped us down and said 'this is how it is.'
However, you had some beautiful moments. Including

Where your wings are clipped
But your soul is free.

I really liked this. Because it relates to so many things in a relationship. To me, it's talking monogamy. Your limited to one person, but that one person makes you happy, thus your soul is free.

Love is a stranger in an open place
Like a ghost in the winter
With fog for a face.

I'm not really sure how these two relate. You have two very different metaphors going on and they're not clicking. There's no comparison to be made between the two of them without expanding, really. It breaks up your rhythm. Either expand it with more adjectives and description, or pick one to stretch out. Either would work.

Love is a yearning thought desire
Love is like burning down (?)
With the heat of a fire.

I think you're missing some words here, for flow's sake. I would revise this entire stanza. It's choppy and poorly written in comparison to your other lines.


Love is what binds you,
And comes without cost,
But is it enough
To redeem what you've lost?

I wouldn't say that love comes without cost. It costs a lot of things in a lot of ways. And considering how morose your theme is up until this point, I would keep it going so you have a strong finish. This finish doesn't have the same powerful ring to it that everything else has. IF you're going to keep that commanding tone we talked about, you gotta make sure it stays with you throughout the entire thing, that it doesn't skip around as it pleases. That takes away a lot of the shock value this poem could have. This stanza is cliche. The age-old question "Is love enough? Can love fix everything?" is something debated by many poets before you and I, and probably will be debated by many after. There is no right or wrong answer, and trying to question your reader after such a personal poem is a bit of a cop-out. Your narrator has been so demanding up until now, and now they're stopping to ask the reader a question? Do you see how that's contradictory? Most people I know who are bossy like to stay bossy, and never ask questions so they can never be undermined.


I want you to think about completely taking apart this poem and try to figure out not just what you're trying to say, but what the poem is trying to say. I can see some great themes and lines waiting to be pulled into the spotlight. Take it line by line, polish and edit till you don't know if you can anymore, and then take a break and do it again. Come up with stronger metaphors, stronger grips for the audience to hold onto.Reading is a roller coaster. You have to have a good seat belt and a handle bar for the reader to want to get on the ride. (Okay so that was a bad metaphor, but you get what I"m saying, right?) Anyway, keep up the good work and keep polishing that poetry. You got something kid, you just got to make it shine!

Spark




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Sat Aug 16, 2014 3:46 pm
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AdmiralKat wrote a review...



Hello! KatyaElefant here for another review! Let's see what we have right here...

I really like this perspective that you show right here, it is really unique and I quite enjoy this piece that you made. Love is considered sometimes to be a chain that stops you from somethings. Then at some points it is what frees you from home or family. I love the metaphors that you have created here because they are so beautiful. I am even curious if you have gone through something like this and you decided to make some poetry on this. One thing that I question about your piece is the categorizing of this. Why would this be general, general? Shouldn't it be romantic and something else? I like to know the topic of the things that I read before I actually read it so I know what you want it to be. An idea for another poem is how love may set you free because love does, at times, set you free as a bird. Overall, I loved the theme of this poem, beautiful in many ways. I think that you have great grammar and spelling in this poem and that is always a great thing in all poetry. I really like how you organized this piece and the last question that you gave because it really left me thinking about you poem(kind off like an essay sometimes does but it's always great in poetry). Have a nice review week! Keep calm and keep writing! :D





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