Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Realistic



by Sylar

that Gooey feeling





Gooey feeling

Sticky Honey

Spilt Tea

Dark Red Blood

Lipstick on a Bathroom Mirror

Melted Chocolate

Gooey feelings

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
329 Reviews

Points: 99
Reviews: 329

Sun Aug 03, 2014 3:37 pm
retrodisco666 wrote a review...

Hallo! Retro here!

I'll do nitpicks then talk about what I like, okay? :)

Now there isn't much to go on...You've made a list, and some imagery but there is nothing to back it up. You say that they're gooey feelings but that really doesn't tell us much as a reader. I get it's simple and what not but I personally feel as though we need more as a reader. because there really isn't an identitfier or a voice at the moment.

But that's it for nitpicks as, like I said, there isn't much. But what you do have is good. I love the imagery, and I love the sort of idea you have with it. Especially Dark red blood, i think it is beautiful and i'm not entirely sure why!

I think you backed up imagery with a bit more emotion this would be absolutely fantastic. I'm sorry I don't have more to say!

But here if you need me!
Keep it up!

Thanks for the review!

And, I too, feel the same way about blood. It's weird isn't it?

I'll try to add in some emotion as well.

User avatar
240 Reviews

Points: 279
Reviews: 240

Sat Aug 02, 2014 1:02 am
AdmiralKat wrote a review...

Hello! KatyaElefant here for another review! Let's see what we have right here.

There is just one thing that is piercing my brain, when I read this. You don't have to do what I say but I wish that you would have organized it a bit better. Some of the lines should be combined and maybe you could split it into two stanzas. That's all I have to say is wrong.

I love the imagery that you show right here. The adjectives and details that you have in here, just amazing. I love it! Your spelling is great. The grammar is good for poetry but I don't really prefer for it to be like this. The capitalization just bothers me and distracts me from the purpose of your text. I think that punctuation, would help make your poem flow better. I think that you did a great job with this. I don't understand how lipstick on a bathroom mirror is gooey but that's just my opinion. XD Someone these things I don't find warm and gooey and happy, for example the split tea. I feel gross when I spill my tea because the mess that it makes. XD I wish you would have used the warm gooey feeling when you drink tea.(I loved that feeling). Also, I wish you used the warm gooey feeling from a movie or when you see your favorite family members after a long time. Overall, great job. I really loved this. Keep calm and keep writing! :D

I probably will split it into stanzas, thanks for the idea!

But about the spilt tea and lipstick, I didn't mean that those examples were gooey feelings. Spilt tea is literally gooey. So is lipstick on a mirror.

AdmiralKat says...

(Puts lipstick on mirror) not that gooey...XD

My lipstick usually is.

Well technically it's lip butter

AdmiralKat says...

ohhhh. XD I was imaging this. Image I hope this works XD

That's what I mean. But my lipstick is physically gooey :)

AdmiralKat says...

ohhhhhh! XD *now thinks of chapstick when you mush it a bit* XD


User avatar

Points: 747
Reviews: 3

Thu Jul 31, 2014 5:06 am
YukiAyameYun says...

I don't know why but I ended up liking this short poem of yours. It's some how cute, and it might might you laugh. Sorry it that wasn't the point of your poem, but it's what I think. ^.^

I wanted people to feel warm and happy while reading it, and Im glad you liked it and laughed! Thanks!!

Veni, vidi, scripsi ~ I came, I saw, I wrote
— steampowered