I'm sure you know of the Ugly Duckling,
But with time that story has bent.
Few know of the horror and the blood that was spilled;
Now listen as I tell how that tale really went.
.
Once upon a time in a faraway pond
Lived a small yellow duckling and its mother.
They were kind, they were happy,
And over all else, they cared for and loved for each other.
.
In the mid-morning sun of the first day of spring;
Seven new ducklings sprung from their nest.
They hopped one by one, out of their shells
And then out sprung a duck who was not like the rest.
.
The other ducks laughed,
And they pointed their wings,
And out of their mouths,
Poured most terrible things.
.
The mother duck scorned them and told them to stop,
And then told them she must go away.
She had to get food, to feed her new sons,
But she said she'd return on the very next day.
.
The mother duck lifted and spread out her wings,
She took off from the next and she flew out of sight.
The ducks waited quietly all through the day,
And then the moon rose, and they slept through the night.
.
Rain poured, time passed,
And still no sign of the mother.
The days were all long, the nights were all cold,
And the ducklings did nothing but stare at each other.
.
When morning came, and the mother did not,
The eldest son spoke up to the rest.
He told them "Don't worry, our mom will return
While we wait, let us have some fun in this nest"
.
But the ducklings complained, they were hungry and scared.
So the eldest announced "We will start with a feast".
"What are we eating?" They ducklings inquired,
And he told them "Tonight, we are eating the beast!".
.
The littlest duckling, ugly and grey
Backed away from his menacing brothers.
They circled around him and they chanted in fear;
In fear of no food, and in fear of no mother.
.
A cloud blocked the sun and it started to rain,
The eldest stood up, and he started to sing,
"Food is scarce, and the beast is food,
He belongs to us all, every beak, every wing!"
.
Thunder, lightning,
Feathers flew.
Blood was shed,
And the terror grew.
.
"Differences set us apart,
We are great, and you are small,
For the sake of society, let you be eaten,
Let the beast die, let the beast fall!"
.
Red with blood,
The ducklings were stained.
But their feathers were cleansed,
By the showering rain.
.
The sky cleared and the rain stopped falling,
The mother duck came back to the nest.
She gave out the food and the ducklings ate well,
And tired as they were, they laid down to rest.
.
Time forgets the cruel things done,
When washed clean by the showering rain.
No memories remain of the one little duck,
And no remedies can cure his memory's pain.
.
On the first day of summer, in a faraway pond,
Eight ducklings lived with their mother.
They were happy and free and flying about,
With consciences free of the death of their brother.
.
A nest full of love,
happiness, laughter;
A nest full of ducklings
Living happily every after.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hello there! I love your poem. I like the darkness about it; it reminds me a bit of Edgar Allen Poe's writing. I love that you brought a classic fairy tale into it and made it your own. It was really cool that you came up with this other point of view of the story. Overall, i think you did a great job. It's very dark and twisted! Love it!
Hello there! I love your poem. I like the darkness about it; it reminds me a bit of Edgar Allen Poe's writing. I love that you brought a classic fairy tale into it and made it your own. It was really cool that you came up with this other point of view of the story. Overall, i think you did a great job. It's very dark and twisted! Love it!
Wow. Very, very intense. I like it, though.
Wow, this is really creative. It is an interesting take on the ugly duckling, something that I have never thought of before. I like the rhyming, it gives the piece more character and organization. It even makes it a little more creepy. The story had carried its suspense the whole way through, making it a fun and interesting read. The gruesome parts were not overly gory, yet they played their part well and added a dark side. Also, the details of the moon and how the ducklings chanted really added a new level to the piece. Well done! I loved it!
Hello, Hadj! Unknown391625 here with another review!
This story is very gruesome. I loves it though! It is very inventive. I like how you came up with this and the idea you got to make this. You are a very creative person! And I made another review, I just made to connect this review to the other one. Wow! This is a very gruesome version of the ugly duckling. They way you wrote it and the vocabulary you used to write it, awesome! This is a very interesting poem. When I saw the title, I was like, what? Then I read the short description of it and it intrigued me. I knew I had to read this. And when I did, I was surprised! It is such an amazing story. Very gruesome and disturbing. Ducks are omnivores, but I don't think they would eat a creature that is about the size of themselves. They would eat bugs and plants. I have never heard of baby ducks eating a creature that is about the size of them. Anyways, interesting and awesome story. Keep writing!
Basically, you just recopied your old review and added a few seconds. This is considered cheating, especially during a review day (i hate to call my teammate out on it). You're new and probably didn't know, but be careful in the future.
Basically, you just recopied your old review and added a few seconds. This is considered cheating, especially during a review day (i hate to call my teammate out on it). You're new and probably didn't know, but be careful in the future.
Basically, you just recopied your old review and added a few seconds. This is considered cheating, especially during a review day (i hate to call my teammate out on it). You're new and probably didn't know, but be careful in the future.
Basically, you just recopied your old review and added a few seconds. This is considered cheating, especially during a review day (i hate to call my teammate out on it). You're new and probably didn't know, but be careful in the future.
Basically, you just recopied your old review and added a few seconds. This is considered cheating, especially during a review day (i hate to call my teammate out on it). You're new and probably didn't know, but be careful in the future.
Basically, you just recopied your old review and added a few seconds. This is considered cheating, especially during a review day (i hate to call my teammate out on it). You're new and probably didn't know, but be careful in the future.
Basically, you just recopied your old review and added a few seconds. This is considered cheating, especially during a review day (i hate to call my teammate out on it). You're new and probably didn't know, but be careful in the future.
Hello.
It's interesting that you chose this fairytale to comment on.
I feel like you're trying to make this modern, but you're sticking very closely to the original fairytale and I liked this work.
Although part of it is...
quite philosophical! XD It's nice and you seem to be trying to send a moral message to the readers?
However, I think it's quite disgusting that they've committed duck cannibalism. XD
This was a horrible story because it was so mean!
It was well written just... so sad. ;(
I absolutely love this! I feel bad but it made me laugh a little. It's well written and wasn't at all what I was expecting. I like the last line especially "living happily ever after". Good job!
Thanks!
So, before I read something on this site I look to see how long it is because I'm more of a short story/short poem review kind of gal. This one seemed long at first, but the first paragraph caught my eye and drew me in.
I read the whole thing, more enthralled by it than I have been by anything else in a very, very, very long time. I loved every minute of this. (The rhyming helped with getting me into it. I love poems that rhyme).
I LOVE LOVE LOVE this poem, and it is definitely one of my most favorite things I've ever read on this site.
You truly have a gift.
P.S. When I was in 7th grade I played the role of Ida in Honk! Jr. If you're not familiar with that musical, it is the story of the ugly duckling, and Ida is the mother. So I'm quite familiar with the original story, and this poem you've written here is amazing. It's dark and perfect).
Keep being amazing!!!
Kendastic
Thanks so much, I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
Welcome to YWS! (a bit late)
Amazing and the first piece I've ever read on this site. It sent inspiration wirling and swooshing in my head. I think the way rhythem was used in this piece increase it horror level, pulling you in like a smiling friend before reaviling its true colours. I love your use the rain imagry washing away the horror that occured in the nest and how you then followed it with imagry of the sun shining, conveying happiness, this made me more weary of the duklings. This left me feeling uneasy and slightly tense even though graphic imagey in the piece.
Thanks for the review and welcome to YWS!
Let me know if you need anything!
Thanks
Well, I know this doesn't fit the premise of a "review" instead of just heaps and heaps of praise, but here you go: *hands heaps and heaps of praise.* Now, on to the reviewing part.
Flow: decent (was inconsistent in quite a few parts)
Rhyming: consistent (though a bit repetitive as you constantly rhymed mother with brothers, or sometimes brother)
Grammar: good
Vocabulary: good
Punctuation: good
Suggested revision/s: In the beginning, you start with the narrator warning the reader of how the ugly duckling story really went, separating it from the telling of the actual story by putting it in italics. I suggest you end the poem with the narrator speaking again, instead of with the ending of the story.
I acknowledge that it probably won't be as dramatic, but there are definitely still ways to make this dramatic with the narrator ending the tale in italics, instead of the piece being ended with the story, and I think it would also wrap the piece up as a whole.
This is a creative take on an old tale that you've written, and I think it's very good! I honestly think the idea is a perfect twist of gruesome and clever. Keep writing!
Overall rating: 8/10
+1
P.S. Congratulations on having two featured poems in the spotlight, including one at the top, at the same time! I'm jealous! Good job, and keep the great writing up.
Thanks for the review!
My original idea was to end with the narrator in italics, but the end as it was seemed so perfect, I didn't want to change it!
Mmk, coolio, up to you, just "suggested revisions!"
Keep writing!
Amazing! I really liked the idea and the title. It captured me when I saw this. I don't think ducks would eat something like that, though. Is there supposed to be a period between each stanza? Nice rhyming, most people write free verse, so I liked the rhyme. Good concept too and wording.
Keep writing!
Wow! This is a very gruesome version of the ugly duckling. They way you wrote it and the vocabulary you used to write it, awesome! This is a very interesting poem. When I saw the title, I was like, what? Then I read the short description of it and it intrigued me. I knew I had to read this. And when I did, I was surprised! It is such an amazing story. Very gruesome and disturbing. Ducks are omnivores, but I don't think they would eat a creature that is about the size of themselves. They would eat bugs and plants. I have never heard of baby ducks eating a creature that is about the size of them. Anyways, interesting and awesome story. Keep writing
Knight r4 here to review this poem/story of the ugly duckling, Hadj. I certainly hope this helps you. The title of it caught my eye so I decided I would give it a review to knock it out of the Green Room
. The concept here is certainly very...uh...shall we say...interesting? 
[quote]
And they pointed their wings,
And out of their mouths,
Poured most terrible things.
[\quote] Hahahahahahahahahaha! This is a great rhyme! It is probably the best rhyme in the entire poem! I have a questions about the next stanza of the poem, though. I kind of doubt that a mother would have seven sons and no daughters.
Awe. This is a really sad poem. What makes it even worse is that all the ducks just forgot about the ugly duckling! How cruel! I think that you could have crafted a better ending. It has been so long that I don't really remember the story but this seems to be a pretty good retelling. But I don't remember the other ducks killing the ugly one.
You did a good job of telling the story and making it flow like a poem in most places. This is one of those poems that doesn't have to have a particular rhythm or rhyme, so that obviously wasn't a big deal. I think you did a good job of making it sound poetic too.
This story certainly is symbolic of what is or will soon be happening today in our culture. Not necessarily cannibalism, but survival of the fittest, and rejection of the outcasts. This is a good example of what has happened in the past as well.
Overall I thought you did a great job! Oh and I just thought I would commend you for doing a good job on punctuation. One thing I have noticed is that a lot of poems tend to lack punctuation but you did include it in this poem! Excellent job! I give you four out of five stars for this piece! Happy writing!!!
Oh my goodness! I totally missed this while I was reviewing. You had a typo in the title of the poem!
I can't believe I missed that!
"But I don't remember the other ducks killing the ugly one."
Reread the first stanza
Anyways, thanks for the like and review!
You are welcome! I was saying that I didn't remember that happening in the original story.
This was an amazing retelling of The Ugly Duckling! I was blown away by how you described the story, much like a child's storybook would, and still managed to get it all to rhyme! Bravo to you for that!
I also enjoyed how it all ran smoothly, like an actual tale - the "happy ending" was really like a sucker punch, especially after what they did. It was really inticing
By the way, those other ducklings really creeped me out; I never suspected cannibalism!