E - Everyone

The Book Man, Chapter 76 (Revised)

76 MARCHING

It seemed a long, long way to the fairgrounds as they wound around the maze and marched through the gardens. There should have been more noise, Christian thought. He should have heard owls and crickets and toads, even the sounds of the slithery things he had never been able to see moving through the trees above him. The hissing and whooshing and yellow night eyes had always frightened him, but their absence now frightened him more.

All he could hear was the tramp-tramp-tramp of the circus-folks’ feet as they marched through the gardens (they had never been able to resist putting on a spectacle), the soft clanking of pots and pans, iron chains and tent-poles, the occasional whinny of a pony and Rath’s reassuring nicker in answer. The gas lamps and fairy lights were dark, but they lit up a few at a time as the army passed by. The only other light came from the glow of Aurelia, Carina, and their sisters; most of the fairies were too weak to materialize completely and manifested themselves as nothing more than shining balls of color.

At the head of the group were Morrow and Tirion. The Rover was mounted on Rath; the wood-elf strode ahead with his braids swinging side to side behind him. To their left, Mr. Catcher and his sisters rode circus ponies. To their right, Conrad and Liza sat together on Imelda’s draft horse. Liza’s nostrils flared with suppressed rage at her husband’s stubbornness, but she sat in quiet dignity in front of him. The only other sign of her anger was how tightly her hands clenched the horse’s mane.

Christian came behind them, mounted somewhat uncomfortably on the giant spider, between its head and abdomen. He had nothing to hold onto except the sparse black hairs covering his mount’s body, and the eight legs went up and down around him like pistons. He would have preferred to ride Rath himself, but aside from the fact Rath was Morrow’s father’s horse (or a statue of it, anyway), the Rover king thought Goblin was less likely to notice an infiltration coming from a giant spider, as most of them were his allies.

Narodnaya drifted beside the spider. Christian could feel her tuning into the thoughts of the army and its leaders, a flicker of amusement or surprise now and then at the feigned jocularity of the people marching into battle. He could hear them himself, once in a while. Someone whispered to his neighbor what a fine parade this would be if only there were anyone around to see it; another murmured that they had defeated Goblin before and it would be easy to do so again. Like shooting an animal in a cage.

Except, Christian thought to himself, the animal had just about sprung the cage.

Unlike his companions, he could fake no humor but sat atop the spider white and tight-lipped, comforted only by the presence of the marsh-witch on his left and Minerva on his right. She rode a pony borrowed from Rowan’s circus, with a cast-iron frying pan clutched in her hand. Her face was so serene that it was difficult to believe she felt any fear at all; every now and then she looked at him with a small smile, yet he was sure she must be at least a little frightened.

He was terribly frightened, himself. He returned her smiles as best he could, but he was preoccupied with thoughts of war. Half the books he had read about battles painted them as glorious, all fine uniforms and singing bugles and marching under the sun. The other half portrayed them as a grim, dirty business that ended in bloodshed and tears. He was inclined to believe the latter.

But after all, Narodnaya said to him, if all goes according to plan, you shall see little battle.

Yes, Christian thought. If.

As they neared the fairgrounds, he heard a soft thudding ahead. They drew rein and stopped, listening. It was a repetitious sound, not set to any particular rhythm but certainly repeated: thud, pause—thud, thud, thud, pause—thud, thud, pause.

“It’s like apples falling to the ground,” Christian said.

Morrow chewed on a thumbnail.

“I was expecting something,” he said. “It was too much to hope we would reach the fairgrounds without seeing anything, but I haven’t any idea what that is.”

“Wait here,” Tirion said. He crept forward and disappeared into the shadows. The others waited, expecting to hear the thudding stop as the wood-elf was spotted. Maybe there would be the snarl of a hellhound and then a long, drawn-out scream. But then he was back, whispering, “Crows. Three of them. It is as Christian said: they’re dropping fruit from some of the trees.”

“Can we get past them without being seen?” Morrow asked.

“I think so, but we must take care. If they’re meant to be guards, they’re poor ones. It’s likely there’s a more alert guard hiding somewhere else nearby, and the crows are just causing mischief.”

Morrow nodded, patting Rath’s gleaming neck as he pulled the map out of his pocket and consulted it. Then he said, “Alright. Everyone keep quiet and bear right. We’ll try to come out near the old Rover camp instead.”

As they turned their course westward and continued on, Christian grew ever more uneasy.

“Something’s wrong,” he said to Minerva. “We ought to have been attacked by now.”

A frown wrinkled her forehead, but it was Morrow who answered, from the front of the group.

“Of course we ought.” His voice was calm, but his brow, too, was furrowed. “Goblin knows we made it through the portal. I thought he would mount an attack to keep us from reaching the fairgrounds, but it may be he’s decided to wait for us instead. Try to draw us out.”

Even to Christian, not in the least an expert in battle strategies, that was a discomfiting thought, but he said nothing more and neither did Minerva.

Comments & reviews · 5
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User avatar
Valkyria
Review

Hello, Blue!

This was a tense chapter. I kept expecting Goblin's soldiers to spring out and attack.

The hissing and whooshing and yellow night eyes had always frightened him, but their absence now frightened him more.


I felt this sense of foreboding as I read it, especially the scenes of the crows.

“Something’s wrong,” he said to Minerva. “We ought to have been attacked by now.”

A frown wrinkled her forehead, but it was Morrow who answered, from the front of the group.


I agree. It made me a little worried that the crows or any hidden enemies would overhear them, but maybe the group is far enough behind that they can speak without getting alerted to.

I really liked the last line, but it felt a little awkward when I read it out loud. Maybe you could split it into two, or use an em dash to separate the "not in the least an expert in battle strategies."

Overall, I really enjoyed this chapter. Looking forward to reading more!

Best,
Valkyria

User avatar
TimmyJake
Review

Timmy here!

The fairgrounds... That wouldn't be close to the gardens, would they? If so, perhaps we could find out why whatsherface sent Liza and Christian to the wrong places. I know she didn't mean to send them off whoknowswhere, but it would still be neat it she had her explanation, and if she happened to be in the battle. But they have to protect the garden, right? Be the lights? Protect the roses? Oh, whatever. Let's just see some of this battle.

...And just as I spoke, reading through the chapter, there they are! The girls (erm, fairies) are there to shed some light to the party - quite literally. Nice.

You know, through all this 75 chapters, I have yet to see a hair nor hide of Goblin, only what his orders are. It will be nice to actually see him now. I wonder when I do.

I thought their seating arrangements were... funny. Making the image in my head, and thinking about riding on a spider, that doesn't sound very comfortable. I mean, think about it. Riding on a spider, when they are almost round and then managing to put your legs on it? Sound extremely uncomfortable, and the permanent splits. And I dun know if Christian does Gymnastics. :D Perhaps mention how uncomfortable it is on the spider? Oh, wait: between its head and abdomen. Thinking about how a spider looks like, I suppose that would work out just fine. It's legs would look like pistons, or would they? I am actually picturing Shelob right now from LOTR, and I don't remember her legs going up and down like pistons as much as just moving forward. Perhaps her extensions from where he sat (ya know, before their legs go down - so the first part attached to the abdomen?) go up and down there. Might be more specific. Right now, I am envisioning a giant spider walking like a marching sergeant, and it's more humorous than feasible. xD Perhaps I am just making all this up, for the lack of better nitpicks. Probably true.

I am curious about Narodnaya, because with her walking, I would think she would still get tired, right? I know she doesn't walk like the rest of the people do - but more like the "drifting" you speak about in this - but whatever her method of walking, would she become tired as well or is it something very, very easy. I think it would be understandable for Christian to offer her a seat or something, and have her explain that she doesn't become tired like normal humans. Of course, you may have mentioned this earlier in the story, and I just forgot because it's been so long since I reviewed. And I am sowwy about that... Just had a lot of review requests, and I seem to always adopt novels when they have 20 chapters (or in your case, 92. :P ), so it takes a while. I am determined to finish this in two weeks, though. *salutes*

A frown wrinkled her forehead, but it was Morrow who answered, from the front of the group.


Christian has always been soft spoken... not one who would speak loudly, so is Morrow that close to him, and their group that small, or is it just that Morrow has very good hearing? I am envisioning this somewhat as a line of people (as much as the circus band and their group can be), and it seems as though Morrow may not have heard him unless he directed his question to the whole group, rather than just Morrow. I don't know. From your descriptions, I am just envisioning somewhat of a train, and so think it's extended out a bit, unless all of them are so scrunched together they can hear everything, but then I would think all the noise they were making with their walking and such would stifle a comment from Christian. Just a thought. ^.^

So this review was full of superfluous concerns, but perhaps you can wade through the fluff and find something helpful. I would use the excuse of "I'm tireeeed", but I am not, sooo... There it is. See if you can find something useful. :D
~Darth Timmyjake

User avatar
Rosendorn
Review

Hello again.

Meh. You have some decent images here, but once again there's a fair amount of "he did this. She did that. She looked like this" at the beginning. It eases up a little at the end when something happens, but before then everything feels like it's happening for the sake of filler.

I think that might be your biggest weakness when it comes to these chapters. Whenever things are happening, you do okay. But when there are slow spots, when it's not any specific event, then you get into a dull, monotone and repetitive prose that really prevents anything from happening and readers taking an interest in the characterization.

Slow spots are absolutely critical for writing and seeing them neglected here is mildly painful. You could be building emotions or drawing out tension or a whole host of other things, but instead it's just there because descriptions and a general lack of electricity.

As a result, I feel like I know your characters less now than I did when I came across part 72 (and somehow missed 73. Odd.), simply because in part 72 they were doing things that defined their moods and showed who they are (despite the adverb emotional shorthand), and now they seem to simply be existing.

Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any questions or comments.

~Rosey

Knight Dragon, here to review! (Hoping to keep this brief because I stayed up too late. XD)

All he could hear was the tramp-tramp-tramp of the circus-folks’ feet as they marched through the gardens (they had never been able to resist putting on a spectacle), the soft clanking of pots and pans, iron chains and tent-poles,

Wait, I thought they were going for a sort of surprise attack. Definitely not pomp-and-splendor. If they're not supposed to attract attention, then they will tone it down. I'm not sure if that was the atmosphere you were trying to create about the attack, but that's how it came across.

With the crow "guards," does anyone honestly believe they can get an entire circus troop, with all the ruckus they're creating, past crows without notice? How many people are there? Animals? You said yourself they were causing a hullabaloo. Just something to think over.

Nice job on setting up the mood for the next chapter. We know what Goblin should have done, and why he probably hasn't, and that leaves us with the "what's he got up his sleeve?" feeling.

Sorry this is so short. Started on my phone, crashed it, then had my computer browser crash so finishing on phone. Hopefully I can expand this later if I find anything else.

Dang! I hope your technology pulls its act together. Thanks for soldiering (knighting?) through.

User avatar
TimmyJake
Comment

I will not review out of order. I will not review out of order. I will not review out of order.

*evil author laughter in the distance*

*hides in fright*

*wiggles fingers mystically and chants*

You will not review out of order. You will not review out of order. You will not review out of order...

hee-hee

*sways to the entrancing chant*



The DEPTH of emotions involved in cabbage farming...
— Snoink