Searching for Security 3.2

by Aley

Published July 3, 2014

E - Everyone

In Searching for Security

Chapter 3, Part 1

"It's worth a shot. Where we are going, there are far fewer imps than here. The territories are larger too, so it is possible to escape them if they do become angry with us."

Natsumi nodded and headed towards the river. "I can still feel the water," she offered as she pushed through some thick undergrowth that needed trimming. "Then there are the animals which venture away from my lands, but they are my tenants. I should be able to use them still."

"That could be useful. What animals venture that far?"

"Oh, there are a few bears which go southeast during the summer time, and thousands of birds which were born on my lands."

Jackson fell in line beside her. "That's good. They will be helpful in the long run. Tell me what you can do when you discover it."

"I cannot transform again. I was very weak after that. I felt sick."

Jackson let out a heavy sigh and shook his head. "Let's hope that does not slow us down. I typically transform to get across the desert."

"Desert?" Natsumi questioned cautiously.

"It's not too bad, just more barren than this. There isn't tons of sand like the deserts of human lore. The air is thin and there is little in the way of growth. Some trees still struggle out a living, but most keep away. There are no imps on the land."

Natsumi's head dropped as she continued forward feeling a weight drop onto her shoulders. They sagged down as she let out a heavy sigh. She took in a heavy breath and slowly let it out, just trying to keep her composure. "I have heard of this desert."

"It's nothing really, but my mountain is north of the desert past Khet. We should make it there in good time once we pass the lake."

Jackson looked up towards the sky. "It looks like the weather is making a turn for the worst. We should hurry before the river becomes impassable."

The two hurried forward. Natsumi panted as she followed. When they began up the first hill, Natsumi groaned in displeasure. She trudged after the man realizing that this wasn't going to slow the quick agile fox down in the least. Hopefully he would allow her time to breath as they considered how to cross the river. Down the hill was slightly more pleasant, but with every step further from her territory, she felt more isolated. As they began up the next hill, Natsumi felt her muscles growl in frustration at her. She continued to push on, feeling the weight of the humidity building around her. The air was chilled with almost a vicious declaration that they were going to be soaked through. She didn't mind. The rain would be welcome if only to cool her angry muscles for a little longer. The sun had been nice, but moving like this was hard on her.

When they came over the crest of the hill, Natsumi sighed, the river was below them. She began down breaking into a run as the hill dropped form below her, she leaned back as best she could to slow herself and maintain balance, but it didn't help much. Jackson kept his pace slower as he slid gradually down the hill.

When they reached the riverside, Natsumi wanted to jump in. She could feel the river's life flowing like a vain in her aching body. She knelt down and splashed water over her face feeling relief fill her. She smiled and sighed at the feeling of the water on her face, dripping through her hair.

"Are you quite done, we need to cross," Jackson questioned as he stood on the top of a bolder beside the river. He was gazing across intently, ready to pounce. His back was as stiff as the oldest tree. His hands folded behind his back as he eyed the far side, his eyes drifting through the stream.

"Calm down Kromski. There is no need to be upset. We can just go across here," she offered pointing towards the shallow section of the water. "It's not deep enough to catch us up."

"Are you sure you know this river? It seems rather deep to me." He eyed the bottom with a cautious stare. He didn't' trust it. He jumped down and walked over to where she pointed. "That is the widest part!"

"It is wide because it is shallow. The rocks have built up in the middle there and the water was pushed to either side."

Jackson shook his head and went towards a shallower part of the river. "I hardly believe that. It might be that way in your river, but this is different."

Natsumi frowned. "No, I feel that. I can feel the river," she told him bluntly. "I will show you." The little imp stepped into the water balancing carefully on an algae covered rock. She frowned as it squished between her toes. She pulled up the cloth as best she could and took another step into the water. She took the next step carefully. She found the rock she wanted next, and then applied her weight, slowly. The algae coated the bottom of her foot. She giggled at the feeling and took the next few steps more confidently.

The water came up to her knees. It was faster than she thought it was. The current pulled at her already making her stomach churn with a sense of unease. She shut her eyes and took a few deep breaths as her legs fought the current to stand. She took the next few steps until she was waist deep in water. Before her she could feel a large bolder. She knelt down, her face and the cloth splashing with water. It bellowed over her back and pushed at her, threatening to take her under.

She grabbed the side of the large rock. Her hand was coated with the thick green algae now. She pulled herself up on top of the rock on her knees. She sat down on her butt and swung her legs against the current until she could stand up. Perched atop the mighty rock, she smiled back towards the fox on the shore. She knew the cloth was dirty now, but she didn't care, it would come clean when she came out on the other side of the river. She brushed off her hands of the algae watching as it plopped back into the water and was washed away with the current, tumbling like a pebble. She eyed the distance between her and the shore. It was pretty far, but she knew she could make it. The girl carefully spotted where she wanted to land, then leapt into the water. When her feet hit the river, it angrily pulled at them like a wild wind catching a bird. She heard Jackson call to her and then realized why.

As the water crawled up her legs, they were pulled sideways into the rushing waters. She gasped in shock before her head plunged into the water. She swung out her arms bashing one into a sharp rock next to the one she wished to land on. Her elbow hit that one, and then her knees bashed into a larger rock down the way. The current dragged her away down towards the village. She grabbed onto a thick rock and shut her eyes as she held her breath. She felt the water around her thrum with energy, grabbing her tight in its grasp, then spit her out. Her head came up as her hands slipped from the algae on the rock she grabbed, and her feet landed on a sharp rock that was deep in the shards of stones at the bed of the fast river. She pushed herself up against it and towards the shore of the river. She heard splashing behind her, more than just the rushing river.

Focus, she needed to get out of the river, then she could worry about the splashing. She trudged her way out of the water, Algae now coating the fresh cloth she had been given like its new designated color. Dread shattered through her as she realized the pretty rich brown was no longer pretty at all. She stood on the far beach and brushed at the sticky green plant matter.

Rain splashed down on her head. She looked up towards the clouds blinking as they released a torrent of rain.

"Imp! What were you thinking! Why would you dare jump into this river? It's too fast for you to do something like that! Don't you know about currents? I thought you could feel the damn thing! I can't baby sit you twenty four seven when you're choosing to do stupid things like that! If you had just gone with me through this part you would have been fine but no, you had to show off! If this is how you're going to be through this trip then you can just turn around and go home!" The fox yelled furiously. "How could you not stop to think about something like that? Don't you realize how much danger you put yourself in? If you would have gone past the village than the humans would have caught you and figured out quickly what you are. They don't have brown skin," he slapped her bare arm.

Natsumi backed away from the fuming fox. He lorded over her with his own dirty clothes dripping dry. His breathing was heavy as he yelled, the loudest she had ever heard him. Tears struck her eyes before he finished and she bowed her head wrapping her arms around herself.

"Look at your hair! Humans do not have multicolored hair!" His fingers caught in her hair as he flicked it up. He pulled it free harshly, yanking a few strands from her head.

"Until you look something close to a human, and not a burnt one, you cannot be seen by them or they will catch you! They are vicious creatures too and you should know that. That's why your kind don't like being seen by them. Just go home!" He stomped away from the girl towards the forest.

Tears broke free from Natsumi's eyes as she grabbed at her chest. She sucked in a nervous breath which broke through her body like a wave and dragged down her chest. The storm thundered in anger. She winced and crawled away from the bank, soaked through to the bone, her hair dripping with more than just water from the rain. She hid against a tree curling up against it and letting her tears wrack over her form.

Natsumi tried to remember how to deal with this pain, this feeling of agony that washed across her. She tried to pinpoint when she had felt it before, but when she did, she didn't want to. The solution was long and she knew she didn't have that kind of time. She shut her eyes and bit her lip hard, trying to stop her crying. She took slow, shallow breaths letting them out slower to avoid from allowing them to shake her form. Dizziness overtook her head as she slowed her thoughts. His words echoed in her head. She felt like a fledgling again, barely out of the river and onto her own land.

Blood stained her vision as she pushed herself up. Her foot stung in an aggressive throb as she stepped on it following after the fox. She couldn't let him go alone. She wanted to know about him and even if he did hurt her like this, she wanted to know him. Natsumi dropped her head as she followed the fox's broken path. She could only imagine how far ahead he was, but she would catch up.

Author's Note:

For those of you reading this because it's in the Green Room:

Natsumi is a forest imp, or a creature created by magical powers contained in her section of forest, blocked off by waterways. She's left her homeland, and thus left her power source, to follow Kromski [real name Jackson], a fox thief who was chased through her woods.

Khet is a lake they are trying to get around in order to head north, where Kromski's home is. He's heading back because it's coming up on winter and he's plundered all the human villages he's wanted to.

Chapter 4, Part 1

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
BluesClues
Review
BluesClues wrote a review Review · Jul 13, 2014

Hello again!

So we get a nice hint at her backstory with the emotions there at the end--I imagine that has to do something with what she and Thoth were talking about forever ago, with the creation of the imps or whatever, but a detail we haven't heard about yet. So that's cool.

You're fairly consistent with the details of Natsumi weakening the farther they get from her lands, although I'm curious how she'll handle that as she keeps traveling with Jackson.

(Maybe something to do with her tenants? I mean, she can turn into copies of them...but I'm not sure how it would work to keep her from getting too weak, unless she possesses them or something? Or is it just enough for her to be near them?)

Of course, she seems stronger in the bit with the river, but that still made sense, I think, since she could feel the river before they got to it and everything.

On that note--okay, so she can feel the river. Obviously not that well, but it's not in her land, so that's okay based on what we know about how all this works. However, doesn't Jackson travel this way all the time? It seems to me that he'd be familiar with this river, if he makes this trip regularly (even annually), yet he's suspicious of it. Wouldn't he know about it? In which case I think it would make more sense if he actually told Natsumi, "Dude, I travel this way all the time, and I don't care what you feel. This current is too strong for you, and that's that."

And then Natsumi can be all, "Psh, whatever. I'm an imp. I think I know what I'm talking about."

And then practically get washed away and be like, "...okay, so maybe he was right about that."

After all Jackson's snide commentary and apparent indifference, it seemed a little out of character for him to have such a big blow-up over Natsumi not listening to him and almost getting washed away, but I'm going to assume that's because he cares about her more than he lets on.

However:

Imp! What were you thinking! Why would you dare jump into this river? It's too fast for you to do something like that! Don't you know about currents? I thought you could feel the damn thing! I can't baby sit you twenty four seven when you're choosing to do stupid things like that! If you had just gone with me through this part you would have been fine but no, you had to show off! If this is how you're going to be through this trip then you can just turn around and go home!


Holy exclamation points, Batman!

Just a matter of curiosity, I guess: Jackson tells Natsumi that humans don't have brown skin. So, are all the humans in the area white? Or is Natsumi's brown a...nonhumany kind of brown? I mean, I guess I'm having trouble with this because lots of humans in real life actually do have brown skin, in all different shades...so I'm just trying to picture what her skin would look like that she would stand out in a crowd of humans due to her skin color.

Unless all your humans in the areas Jackson usually travels through are white, but I wouldn't find out until later. So that's just something for you to think about, if you haven't given it thought yet--I mean, if it's because her skin is a more...naturey shade of brown or looks like a tree trunk or something, and that's why she would stand out in a crowd of humans, then you need to clarify that at some point prior to this.

Blue

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r4p17
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r4p17 wrote a review Review · Jul 3, 2014

Knight r4 here to boot this work out of the Green Room Aley. I certainly hope this helps!

When they came over the crest of the hill, Natsumi sighed, the river was below them.
When you say Natsumi sighed, that seems rather out of place. It doesn't go well with the rest of the sentence. I am not even sure if it is grammatically correct. But that's just a small error.

She looked up towards the clouds[,] blinking as they released a torrent of rain.
The reason I put brackets around the command is because you didn't have one there and you needed one.

I thought you could feel the damn thing!
Good grief! You don't need to use such strong language. Maybe try using the word stupid, even though that isn't the nicest word either. I mean it is just a river. It isn't as if it a choice about what is does and doesn't do.

She sucked in a nervous breath which broke through her body like a wave
Hehehe! This is ironic. She just got swept away by a river and now a nervous breath breaks through her body like a wave. I am not sure if this was intention but sure is funny!

She wanted to know about him and even if he did hurt her like this, she wanted to know him.
First this is too repetitive and second I can't help but asking why. I mean the fox pretty much hung her out to dry or in this case get soaked.

Overall this is an interesting story. I hope that it doesn't turn out like a long of animal stories do, such as Redwall. Not that those are bad stories, but they are all pretty much the same story. However this seems to be more along the lines of watership downs which is interesting. I am not exactly sure howthe magic comes in, but I guess I will find out. Happy writing!!! :D

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ulala8
Review
ulala8 wrote a review Review · Jul 3, 2014

Hello! Ulala here with a review!

To start off, I noticed that this line was a bit repetitive;
"They sagged down as she let out a heavy sigh. She took in a heavy breath..."
I would recommend the replacement of one of the "heavy"s or and omission of one of them.
Same here; "Natsumi's head dropped as she continued forward feeling a weight drop onto her shoulders."

It may be just because I'm jumping into this story, but this line confused me;
"It's nothing really, but my mountain is north of the desert past Khet. We should make it there in good time once we pass the lake."

Is it north of the desert past Khet or north of the desert, past Khet?

This paragraph seemed kind of bland to me;
"The two hurried forward. Natsumi panted as she followed. When they began up the first hill, Natsumi groaned in displeasure. She trudged after the man realizing that this wasn't going to slow the quick agile fox down in the least. Hopefully he would allow her time to breath as they considered how to cross the river. Down the hill was slightly more pleasant, but with every step further from her territory, she felt more isolated. As they began up the next hill, Natsumi felt her muscles growl in frustration at her. She continued to push on, feeling the weight of the humidity building around her. The air was chilled with almost a vicious declaration that they were going to be soaked through. She didn't mind. The rain would be welcome if only to cool her angry muscles for a little longer. The sun had been nice, but moving like this was hard on her."
There were some sentences that I didn't mind, but the reading of this paragraph seemed like a tough journey to keep focused. I could barely read it all. I can't find anything technically wrong with it. Maybe it's my fault for reading it how I did. Then again, I would appreciate if it were spiced up.

I've noticed that a lot of your action filled paragraphs are mammoths. This makes it seem that whenever something is happening, it's long and boring. It's just a small nitpick that I have, but if you want to make the actions feel more like actions, I'd recommend chopping up some of those paragraphs.

Other than that, this was a pretty fantastic chapter. I feel like the relationship between Jackson and Natsumi is interesting. It was very pleasing to watch the delicacy of their relationship unfold in this chapter.
As I am abroad at the moment, I am unable to read much more of this, but once I return home to America, I will definitely read the rest of this series! I'm quite enchanted by it!



Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.
— Jamie Anderson