She grabbed her arm and stiffened, her head dropping and her shoulders going up. "I know I'm naïve but we should do this together. Don't abandon me just because I did something foolish. I realize that it was foolish and I want your company!"
Jackson shook his head and ran up the hill away from her. He began towards the north, looping up the hill.
Natsumi's shoulders fell quickly. She ruffled her invisible feathers by shaking herself, and chased after the fox. She could do this! She could keep pace and get what she wanted; to be by his side, not some baggage toed behind.
As the sun glared down at them from above, the trees sighed at the gentle warmth. Soft wind pruned the leaves throwing them onto the undergrowth. Jackson stopped when the sun began to color the horizon. Perched upon a berm, he scowled back at the imp, then scurried into the brush, disappearing behind the thick cover of trees. Panting and sweating from head to foot, Natsumi edged into his camp, a heavily bushed area. There wasn't much room to stretch or breathe as the trees enclosed them. Just shimmers of light broke through the thick canopy overhead, glinting off his dark, lanky figure.
Natsumi collapsed across a thick fluffy bush. Somehow, it caught her and held her like a draped rug. She sighed in relief as the branches of the needled branches snapped and pushed into her reddish-brown skin. She felt them scratch and pull at the cloth, but it didn't give. She lay her head down on the greenery enjoying the feeling of being off her feet.
Jackson circled a few times, examining outside of the bushes, around the trees. There was nothing but hills surrounding them, steep slopes that ran perpendicular to one another, for the most part. Some of them rose towards the skies, but rolled none-the-less, like tilled farm earth, but magnified.
He pushed a bush out of his way breaking half of the bush's support with a stomp, making a spot for himself. He settled into his new carved out home and leaned against a young tree. It shook a little as it supported the new weight, but it didn't give.
With his arms crossed over his chest, and his clothes snagging on the bush, he glowered at the resting imp. "Go away."
Natsumi cracked an oblong eye at him and picked up her head-barely. She tried to slide down to the ground. The imp let out a yelp and grabbed her arm tugging to look at the scratch that had a string of blood clotting on the surface. She stared, fascinated, and gently touched the red that pooled out of her skin.
The little dollops of blood broke and smeared across her bare arms. She giggled and drew on her skin with the blood before touching her finger to her tongue and cleaning it off. She frowned at the taste and examined her arm again.
"I said go!" Jackson yelled angrily. He pointed back down the hills. He got up to loom over her like a giant.
Natsumi smiled up at him and shook her head. "I'm sorry. I'm not leaving until you do." Natsumi offered sweetly, her voice airy and high.
Jackson sighed and sat carefully back down in his small spot.
"Where are we?"
Jackson ignored her, staring off towards the south rather than bothering to look at her, his back facing north.
"Are we going north now? It didn't take us that long to circle around Khet. It's only been a few days."
Again, Jackson ignored her.
Natsumi sighed and went back to playing with the blood on her arm again, breaking another clot and drawing a reverse swirl on her arm.
Jackson's eyes followed her finger.
The little imp ignored him now. She was smiling, her small teeth barely showing behind her lips as the feeling of her legs and arms warming up soothed her. She flexed her toes and worked her fingers of the arm she played with. Her back was tight, but the broken sticks from the bush felt like they were tiny fingers trying to disintegrate the tension. She leaned against them only to find the opposite happening. A sharp pain began to gather where one of the sticks was just too long. She frowned and leaned up pushing the bush out of the way.
The bush tried to push her out of the way in revenge.
Natsumi moved over enough to get out of the bush's way. She came face to face with a wall of vines which crawled up towards the trees snaking around one another and building a net in the clearing. She leaned against that-more comfortable, but not quite content.
She could barely feel the pulse of energy. It barely tickled her arm hairs, even though she knew it was thrumming strong. She shut her eyes and tried to vision the flow of energy from her into the plants, and from the plants into her, but a wall of water washed through the connection. Rapids tumbled boulders and crashed like a tidal wave along the shores of her mind. She pushed he energy through the water, trying to sooth it and reach the other shore.
Her feet rushed out from under her. Her knee smashed against the ground and her heels caught on rough pokey rocks. She winced visibly and pulled her legs up to her chest wrapping her arms around them. She didn't want to be back in those rapids. They were not her waters and she did not want to fall victim to them again.
She came back to her shore feeling the leaves that gently fluttered over the top of the water to her side. She couldn't reach the other bank, but the trees could reach her. Mentally, she picked up the energy, accepting it happily.
More energy trickled into her like a slow vain of food.
Her stomach growled loudly as though to announce that it did actually exist. The grow shook her skin and guts making her tuck her legs in closer as she felt a gnawing hunger eat at her stomach.
A chuckle echoed from the other side of the clearing.
Natsumi looked, catching the bright blue eyes that pieced through her dark hair. They glowed from the darkness of his shadows. She shyly dropped her gaze to his legs. Thick powerful muscles wrapped around his bones thinning only at his knees and growing like upside down ancient trunks. They were covered by a thin fabric that barely bothered to try. It was clasped around his ankles and puffed out into straight cloth that went towards his waist and joined between his legs to wrap completely around his waist: pants. Still, the cloth was pulled taunt as his knees pinched it up. It, naturally, was too small for his flexed thighs. He had his legs up too, but his arm rested loosely across them. A shiny bangle glittered in the brief light.
She smiled as he rolled it in his fingers, flicking it back and forth as he examined it. The smooth motion lulled her head to the side, watching the bangle from the angle. The white light soothed her like a feast. She let out a silent sigh of relief as the tension drained from her back and shoulders. Her arms limply locked around her legs as her red eyes thinned into slits, heavy and dead.
They shut before she realized she was still exhausted.
Author's Note:
A quick recap for those who are reviewing this because it's in the Green Room.
Natsumi is a forest imp, or a creature created by magical powers contained in her section of forest, blocked off by waterways. She's left her homeland, and thus left her power source, to follow Kromski [real name Jackson], a fox thief who was chased through her woods.
Khet is a lake they are trying to get around in order to head north, where Kromski's home is. He's heading back because it's coming up on winter and he's plundered all the human villages he's wanted to.
Kromski is mad at her because she's bluntly ignored his sound advice even though she is out adventuring with him to learn his knowledge about the world.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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I'm going to save a bigger review for the end of this chapter, but I just wanted to point something out real quick:
This bit seems to be momentarily in Jackson's POV when the bulk of the story is in Natsumi's. Maybe I'm just reading it wrong, but perhaps if she's watching him do this, you could give it a slight rewrite to clarify that.
Also:
Has she seen pants before? Considering that she does eventually come up with a word for them, I assume she has, in which case her fixation on them (i.e., the description of what pants, in general, look like) is a little out of place. If she hasn't seen them before, then her coming up with the correct word seems out of place. Basically, it's just kind of weird that you described how pants are, unless you can give us some clear sign that Natsumi actually doesn't know what they are and that's why she's fascinated by them.
On that note, I'm a little uneasy (as ever) with her fixation on Jackson's physical qualities in human form. I mean, when he was a fox, she was pretty much only interested in his ears, because she thought they were cute and wanted them for herself. And she seems so childlike in other ways...so every time she starts thinking in detail about Jackson's physique, it's just weird to me. I don't know if I'm the only one who's bothered by this, and obviously it's not the whole story, so it's not like it's a big plot point that needs changing...but it just reeeally bothers me. Just because it seems bizarrely out of character for someone so young.
(Okay, that ended up being longer than I meant. On to part 3.)
Blue
Hi, Aley. This is Pinkie here for review. Excuse me as I put on my glasses. *puts on my pink glasses*


I agreed with r4p17. This IS good story. It is very interesting story that I ever read. I love the ending! It is suspense which it got me questioning. Also, I love the descriptions in each paragraph. It described what is going on with the main character and flowed throughout the whole chapter. However, I disagreed with r4p17. I don't think you need to put more dialogues on here. I like it as it is.
I saw some nitpicks on here. I like to point them out, but r4p17 did that part so I will leave it alone.
Overall, this is a very good masterpiece. I enjoyed this chapter. I like to read more from you. I will wait for the next chapter. Have a nice day!
Awesome Job!
Cheers
Your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13
Knight r4 here for another review Aley. I am in search of obtaining my jousting lance as a knight of the Green Room I certainly hope this helps you. As you can tell I like this story!
I just thought I'd point out that bushes are normally anything but fluffy. Is this some kind of magical plant? If so it isn't mad clear here in the text. (By the way I didn't intend for that to rhyme it just came out that way).I would avoid using the word give twice in close proximity. You used it in reference to the imps cloak.
I know this is just a small thing but it kind of annoyed me that you ued a period in stead of an exclamation point or some other description of how Jackson spoke.
I don't know about her but I would find it pretty hard to say anything sweetly. But then again I am not an imp or a girl.
Oh! I had no idea that a couple of days had already gone by. I guess you didn't make that clear.
Ah the bushes are magical! Nice way of subtlely telling us something about these strange bushes. Good job!
I am not quite sure why you have the dash though you should either get rid of it or change it to "—"
Hehehe! I like your sense of humor.
Overall I think this is a good story and am interested in reading more. Way to end the chapter in suspense. Your writing flowed smoothly, though I felt that you could have a little more dialogue. That is the only thing I don't like about the chapter there was almost no talking. It seems that everything is focusing on the main character. It is still good though. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it! Happy writing!!!
Hey! A couple things to keep in mind when reading this story since you've reviewed it twice: This is the second part of one chapter, and not the last part of ch. 4.
vs a spindly bush
or a prickly bush 
About the bush, personally I think there is such thing as a fluffy bush
Also, yes, there is some magic involved, namely the magic that Natsumi has to feel what plants feel, like the revenge.
I don't see the difference between - and what you did? Aside from the length, they're both dashes. Why would one be any different than the other?