Gum Paste

No offense, but I found this pointless and sort of boring.

I'm only 14 but I have the maturity of a 30 year old.

Now don't be offended it's just not me, I don't find it really interesting and it doesn't make sense really it's only once poem so I'm sure the rest of your work is better.

Also it wasn't really funny, I don't understand why it's in the humor section?
It doesn't have much humor and it's confusing to me.

Despite that it doesn't have any grammar or punctual issues.

Don't take the criticism personally, I take humor seriously and I don't get why it's humorous.
Take it as advice for the future.

On a scale of 1-10 I'd give it a 3.

Anyway keep writing! Don't give up!

Sincerely, @ScarletDreams14; Member of Salsa Verde


Writer, Artist, Student and Reader

Okay, the poem has a great rhythm the whole way, except that last line; however that last line made me laugh, so it's intended effect is great and obviously worked. Whether you simply wrote that because you wanted to get the end over with and had forgotten, or if you were just being humorous (I assume you were, because it *was* funny), Good job!
I loved the way you wrote about the gum paste being for your eyes to eat, it put an image in my head of a brilliant-looking cake with such fantastic (or 'marvelous' as you put it) decoration that you could practically taste it. I like this poem because it is short, simple and gets it's joke and point across very well.
Well done.

-E

Ho ho ho~ Another acrostic! The first thing we notice is that this doesn't have the same contrast in texture as the other -- the diction of this poem is a little bit elevated, but not so much as the other poem (which used weird words like "thou" hehe).

But, we notice that you worked with rhyme in this poem, so that's a new texture! I think it helps make the poem seem lighter and more playful, which is again a very awesome instinct because this matches, again, the topic of the poem: a lovely, sweet food.

I think the only line that I have a problem with in this poem is the second line. I can, after thinking very carefully about it, understand what it says. It means that this gum paste covers (like an umbrella) the plain (naked) treat (cake).

But I think what's throwing a wrench into it is the connecting words you've used, specifically: "against" and "for".

I don't feel like an umbrella can be against anything -- we always think about it as having the space beneath it because of the common umbrella shape. I know you wanted to bring out the idea of pressing the gum paste AGAINST the cake, but it doesn't work with the word umbrella.

Secondly, the word "for" is probably supposed to be paired with "umbrella", but if you put "against" first, that is the phrase that goes with umbrella first and "for" comes out far, far away, like we're not able to use it with "umbrella" anymore. The two words umbrella and for are not only separated by the words in between, but also by the fact that the words in between finish up the phrase before "for" has the chance. I hope you understand what I mean here. It's hard to describe.

Lastly, I'd say take another look at your punctuation. My recommendation is to take all the line breaks out of your poem and then punctuate it again like you would prose (as best you can). I say this because I feel like, for example, a period would be better after "creams" instead of a comma.

I hope, again, that these thoughts will be helpful to you! Good luck and keep writing!

Hannah