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138,574 Literary Works • 672,170 Reviews
Good job!! I really liked the way you made the whole thing a acronym. So, I just really want to say that this is the kind of poem that I could read over and over and over and over. JUST to get the meaning to sink in, I really loved reading your poem, good job!!!
My general impression: I LOVE IT. I'm always astonished by any art that carries a deeper message and acrostics are just great for this.
The poem's vocabulary can be confusing at times, but generally it flows well and you can easily read it as if it was just a prose text. That's good. I think that next time you should try rhyming it. Rhymed acrostic with correct grammar and rich vocabulary would be just plainly awesome
The message is really moving, too. I'm against stereotypes myself, but sometimes you just can't get those things out of your head. I got the impression you (or rather the lyrical subject, for that matter) want to be more tolerant and open, but the stereotypes that were planted in your mind prevent you from this, and you wish for someone to act in a way that would change you. That's really a powerful message, 'cause I think many people think the same. And many people, like me, have been hurt by false impressions. That's why I really, really like this poem, though the use of vocabulary in the first stanza left me browsing through my dictionary, and I still don't quite get it. But it might be just me.
Keep up the good work!
i really like im in shock woot woot
Hello Shiney,
First of all, I'm extremely impressed by your skill at acrostics. The poem flows normally, I wouldn't know it was an acrostic if you hadn't said so and put the first letters in bold, so kudos!
As for your subject matter, I think it's interesting, but I'm not sure you've gone about describing other religions in the right way. You're making the point that athiests bash your belief, yet you describe Christians as "Self absorbed bigots". That's the one I have trouble with this (I'm agnostic myself) but I do feel that this is somewhat hypocritical...In any case, that's your call.
Your final stanza is my favorite. Especially the last line. I love that final question. It makes the speaker seem so vulnerable and hopeful, and I love that.
Overall, nice job. Thanks for the read--it definitely made me think.
Sare