z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

#3

by IlhamAlKhatib


Of course, everyone knows about numbers.. They have secrets!

Each number has a story tell.

I know since a long time that number 2, for example, always indicate, the two-things..

a girl and a boy and it's love...

a girl and another girl and it's friendship...

a boy and another boy and it's friendship...

a mature woman and a mature man and it's marriage.

I remember number 1 as well.. unity.. the best quality.. integrety... it ranks the top of every group!

But number 3... is the number I've never been told about, but I discovered all or most of its secrets on my own.

Three friends.. They are supposed to have fun together.. instead of enjoying.. all of the three.. two have fun and one is lonely.

Two have a converstaion and when the third has something to say, conversation ends.

The third one hates all about odd numbers and also all about even number... the third has hatery to numbers in general!

If the third joins a group with an even number, they're already coupled... they don't have vacancy for an odd.

But why the #3 hates the odd-number groups..

Finally, after #3 found another group with an odd number..

#3 couples with another #3... and it seems like it's finally fair...

But the second #3 seems to be just spending time with the first #3...

and they're coupled again...

#3 gets out of any circles where he/she might be involved...

Even the belonging of #3 is temporary...

and since a time that I don't want to remember.. never call me "single"... I'm "A third"

!!

Haven't re-read it...Ready for critique :D

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
417 Reviews

Points: 500
Reviews: 417

Donate
Mon Jun 02, 2014 4:27 am
Willard wrote a review...



Hey IlhamAlKhatib, Strange here and I have a review for you!
Sadly, this fell disappointing. I do want to say what I thought was bad about this, but let me get on the good stuff first.
The idea, even though it's cliched, is interesting. It kept me hooked and was interesting. No one was taught about being a third wheel. Being a third wheel freaking sucks, right? The story covers a subject we all can relate.
The idea, writing, style, sadly was disappointing. This felt cliched. This can be pulled out of a kid books. It's not unique, it's a story like the others. Also, what is up with the format of this?
If you do edit this, you can go above and beyond. Add more detail and make the narrator less whiny, sorry for saying that. I understand that I may come off as a prude, but I'm just stating what needs to be said.
Overall, meh.
Strange gives you...
5.0/10
Good job
Keep writing
Stay groovy, my amigo



Random avatar


Thank you Strange for your time and suggestion... :))

Have a good time :))



User avatar
8 Reviews

Points: 323
Reviews: 8

Donate
Tue May 27, 2014 9:14 pm
Henox says...



Heyy!

Nice story, a little pessimistic though...

I noticed some things in your writing that are not quite right:

You wrote:

a girl and a boy and it's love...

a girl and another girl and it's friendship...

a boy and another boy and it's friendship...

I think it should go like this:

a girl and a boy and their love...

a girl and another girl and their friendship...

a boy and another boy and their friendship...



There's also a tiny thing here - and also all about even number...

It should be - and also all about even numberS


Those are just some things I noticed, and they might not be true either cause I'm not an English speaker (:

And if you are talking about yourself in this story, I just have to tell you that you shouldn't want to be friends with people that don't respect you. It's better to have just one good friends than tons of bad ones c:


___Edit___

I accidentally made this a comment, It was meant to be a review, Is there a way I could change that?




Evander says...


Ask a mod to change it.


Random avatar


hey ... :))
Thank you, Henox, for your time... :D

yes the missed "s" is not on purpose but the other notes could be true... I will work on it... :))
You may LOL but I tried to make it fragmented for no reason though I'm not an English speaker :p ... :\\

The story comes from the fact that when there are three people, there are two people that get on well together, and even if the third does, there's a difference on scale. :))

Have a good time, buddy :))



User avatar
265 Reviews

Points: 16
Reviews: 265

Donate
Tue May 27, 2014 9:06 pm
myjaspercat wrote a review...



I don't quite understand this, what are you trying to say here? One thing is that you say we know about numbers and that they have secrets. I didn't know that, it would be better if you kept all your works to reality. Another thing is I have no clue what number 3 is all about. I tried to understand what you were saying her but I could not pinpoint anything in this entire post of what the point was. I am sorry if I wasn't that helpful, I tried. Good luck.



Random avatar


Hello, there :)) !
Thank you for your time anyway.
The thing I pointed is that when there are three people, two of them get on well together and third shares less :))

That's what it was all about :))

Have a good time :))




But what about second breakfast?
— Peregrin Took