Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
Children
Green was the grass
Blue was the sky
Children were laughing
Children were playing
Children aren't meant to die
.
Into the forest the children marched
Following destiny's finger
They all came together
And started to dance
And here the children lingered
.
Dancing
Loving
Sharing breath
Smiling faces
Making new life
To cover their innocent deaths
.
Bodies were all through the forest
The bodies were far from dry
The children were gone
Stripped and soaked
Children are meant to die
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This poem almost reminds me of a combination of a Stephen King novel my sister read and Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None. Every time I think of those two books, I get the complete chills. Though this is fiction, I feel as if I can see actual dead children in a forest. It almost reminds me of this series I'm writing about, except it's about a comatose girl in a forest, and her best friend is trying to find her before she dies. Anyway, this is not about me. You completely created a great poem once again
Heyy Awsomesauseness here for a review.
OK I got the gist of what you were meaning in this poem. children are not children after they have done the dirty deed. Personally I don't like poems like this but I am not the one to criticize you on what you should write. on another note I see no errors spelling wise or grammatically incorrect. the poem flows very well. I liked it very much other than that and I look forward to reading more works from you.
Hello!
This was a very emotional poem. I liked it quite a bit.
I'm not quite so sure what happened though. What happened in the forest? Some sort of murderer? Or is this a metaphor for war?
The first stanza is simple. I like the plain images of grass and sky. They are a contrast to the final line. Things so normal placed next to something that isn't meant to happen. It's a good technique.
The second stanza had good images in the words "marched" and "destiny's finger." Again, I'm not sure why the children are there in the first place. Maybe it's a metaphor for broken innocence? A corrupting society?
I didn't really like the third line as much. It didn't have anything very extra special about it.
And honestly "Making new life" make it sound like they're reproducing. o.O Probably not the image you wanted??
I liked the final stanza, but it adds to my confusion from earlier. "Stripped and soaked" I'm not sure what this means in context of death of children. This is a really tragic stanza though, full of emotion and bloody images.
Good job, if you can find some way to clear up the confusion of the poem, that would be great!
Keep writing!
~fortis
The poem is meant to be confusion. But if you want to know what happened, I might as well state it clear. This poem is about children going into the woods to have sex. When I refer to the children as "dead" it is because they are no longer children, so the "children" are dead, but not the characters. And yes, "Making new life" is about reproduction
Ah okay. It was either about that or not about that. Apparently it was. Thank you for clearing that up. ^_^
Yo! Alvarin here for a review.
I'm not an expert on poetry, but I really like this. As simple as it might be in form, it does have quite a deep meaning, and it really painted quite a picture for me, which might actually be due to the simplicity. I prefer poems - well actually all written works - that leave out much to the imagination when it comes to landscape, characters, feelings and so on. This really does create a feeling, which for me is sad but also kind of beautiful and macabre (because in my head those two totally go together). At the end it leaves me asking what actually happened to the children, but I realize that it isn't really important. It's tragic enough that they died without having to tell what happened, and I'm guessing that was also your point.
As for the more technical thingies, I think it flowed quite well and was easy to read all the way through, and I commend you on that. I have no nitpicks to comment on, so I guess I'm done now. Keep writing
.. also, I just realized, is it supposed to be "are meant to die" at the end? :S xD
Hey there. Thanks for the review and the praise. Yes, it is supposed to be "are", and none of the characters in this poem literally died. Try reading it again, and take the third stanza as literally as possible. This poem was not intended to be about death.
Ooh.. I did read it again, and I think I get it now, sorry for being stupid xD Though my mind automatically goes to death and murderers, but I guess that's just me >.>