Lost and insecure,
I walked,
Stumbling and disappearing,
Through society’s cracks.
Then you found me,
One day alone in a coffee shop,
I was reading Catcher in The rye,
Your favourite book.
I found something in you,
Something to keep me steady,
To tie me to reality,
And you saw something in me,
Though I don’t what it was.
All I know,
Is that you kept me afloat.
At first we were just friends,
Laughing at hot-chocolate moustaches,
But soon we knew,
That we were more,
More than I can describe.
You where my best friend,
My love.
But nothing lasts forever,
Though we went it to be.
I miss you terribly,
And some days I slip back under the cracks,
And life seems so pointless.
But it was such a miracle,
To even spend one moment with you,
And I remember those last days,
When we’d sit staring out that small hospital window,
And I’d read you chapters of The Catcher And The Rye,
And you’d kiss me with your soft, fragile lips.
So if you’re reading this,
Please remember,
You where my best four years,
And remember that last day,
When I kissed your face,
And whispered in your ear,
‘I’ll be here, always.’
Well now, I’ll have my wish,
I can finally be with you.
Will you be happy to see me?
Or angry for leaving everything behind?
Either way I miss you too much,
To stay here.
Goodbye, and I’ll see you soon.
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139,334 Literary Works • 672,537 Reviews
Hello, rhia here!
I like this a lot, but I'm going to do some edit and suggesting first. Mostly just little nitpicks.
Should be The Catcher in the Rye
then here again you changed it a little this time you just accidentally said "and"
I think you meant for there to be a "know" here between "don't" and "what"
You don't have the commas in the best spots here. I recommend moving the comma you have to after one day so it reads a little smoother. It would also be a more correct usage of the comma. Reading it aloud should help you see why I suggest that.
Want instead of went?
I recommend putting an of between "out" and "that", for grammar's sake.
"where" should be "were"
Otherwise, this was very beautiful and melancholy. You told the story very nicely, and it was very hauntingly beautiful. I hope the edits are helpful.
Okay, calm.
RoyalHighness has arrived to review.
This, in short, broke my heart. Just. This poem took my heart, and raised it up over its head, and then smashed it on the ground.
I sincerely hope you are not writing from personal experience.
I...there just aren't /words/ sometimes for how beautiful something is.
And that's your poem.
I just...I had a friend who was my Peer Leader at school (a senior who helps a freshman acclimate to high school) who died of cancer and now I'm a Peer Leader and he's in a grave and I just wish I could show him this poem because it's just so beautiful. And even though we were never and would never have been romantically involved, it still reminds me of him. Thank you.
Ten stars of ten. Ten. That's all I have to say.
Thank you so very much! Really kind review, and I love that it brought so much emotion, thankyou!
I need a minute. This...this was a trigger, and I need to...oh, God. I'll come back and review in a minute.
Absolutely positively the most amazing thing I have ever read. I see no problem with it in any way shape of form. I don't do spelling or grammar errors so there you have it
I cant wait to read more of you fantastic work Thank you for the opportunity to read your work.
This is perfectly amazing! I love the feeling you put into this, and the metaphors, the addition about the kiss. Overall this is so romantic!
I also feel feelings of sadness as well as the romantic air to this. I love the way you combined this feeling of love AND the feeling of despair into this poem.
It wasn't too long, it wasn't too short, I didn't see any errors and I don't have recommendations other than that you made more poems and stories for me to read and review! Thanks for making this!
*Make* not made sorry
This is beautiful, I loved it.
It was angelic, but sorrowful.
The only thing I'd say, is "you where my best friend" should be were.
That's all:)
This is beautiful, I loved it.
It was angelic, but sorrowful.
The only thing I'd say, is "you where my best friend" should be were.
That's all:)
Hey retro here for a review!
This is fantastic. Simply put, beautiful. I'm going to do some nitpicks and then tell you what I love.
One the line 'though we went it to be' I think you mean want
And the first time you mention catcher in the rye you didn't capitalise it all (I know I haven't here but I'm being lazy haha)
Now On to what I love. To be honest I love it all, I think you've got well formed imagery, I think your themes and ideas are incredibly well written and the message speaks to me
On a personal level. I think the poem is absolutely fantastic so a great well done to you!
I know this review isn't must but I just wanted to say well done
Keep it up,
~retro
Thanks!