Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hello! I'm here for both "Adopt a novel" and a Review day review!
So, this was a good chapter overal. Style is good, plot is as good as always, your characterisation is awesome.
So, lets talk about Robert. He acted as such an asshole here, it's basically him who created every inconvenience Stephen had to face here. Actually, there was one thing which was somewhat strange to me, and that is, why didn't Stephen actually tell Rob how much of an asshole he was? It would be rather expected from the character you had built. I mean, he was always so straightforward with Robbie and Robert seemed to appreciate what Stephen had to say. This even led me reconsidering if Robert actually didn't act as an asshole, but yeah, he surely did.
But I can understand it if Stephen just had something else in mind, which he did, at the very end of the chapter but again, I wouldn't expect that from the person you built. Well, things change.
So this bascially isn't a complaint, just a little strange thing I didn't expect but actually works very well.
For the end, let me comment on his family. I feel sorry for his brother. His mom seems like a terrible one though, completely missunderstanding her son and pretty much doing nothing to help him.
Keith, on the other hand, is a cool person. He knows well what's he dealing with. Him trying to act nice with Stephen proves it, and even the way he acted with Robert, it was just neccesairy. I hope he stays with them.
So far with it, I like it more and more.
-Alchemist
Hello!
Two quick nitpicks:
Mum* always capitalize Mum/Mom or Dad if they do not have my/his/her/our/their/etc. in front of it.
I think this would sound better if it said "What are you learning in history?" as by this forming, it sounds like Keith is asking Stephen what type of History he is in.
Okay, so wow. Robert sure is a character, isn't he? xD I do like how developed he's becoming. He's outspoken and blunt and a bit arrogant and a jerk. >_> He's curious, as I'm trying to figure out why he does what he does, and why he's always hellbent on getting himself in trouble.
His relationship with Stephen seems to be... blooming.
The only thing I didn't like was Stephen sneaking out the window. What was the point of that? It's not like he snuck in in the first place. So him sneaking out is just weird. I mean, if he wanted to avoid the screaming parents, then that's a different story, but that wasn't made clear xD so I suggest you tweak that a bit or cut it entirely.
Overall, this is off to an awesome start and I look forward to reading more~
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HUNNY
I find this kinda hard to review since I went through the editing process with you.
So I am only going to make positive comments here because we got through all the little nitpicks earlier.
Firstly, I will remind you how impressed I am with the job you are doing here.
1. Your characters are really developing.
2. Your writing style is improving and is also really consistent as you get used to writing in Robert's voice and making the comments you do using his rhetoric.
3. The themes of your work spark a universal truth really, and communicate well with your target demographic.
4. The work is genuinely funny.
I also found it really funny that you made up a word earlier: 'fastly'. LOL. XDDDDDDDD
So my favourite part of this chapter is the kiss:
It's actually perfect now. Well done baby.
-huggles-
I LOVE YOU. <3