He said no matter what you say or what you do,
he'd stay right by your side 'til 3005.
One second you're in the front seat
radio turned up, he's driving you
to a new party every night,
where the cabinet's always stocked
and the room is always dancing.
Every morning, your head's spinning
but he says we gotta keep it up
'cause we won't be young forever.
When you're alone, you need to be with him.
He'll stay right by your side 'til 3005.
The sign said slow down,
but of course he speeds up.
The curve sends you rolling,
bouncing around until you finally stop.
Your breath short, your legs pinned
under the metal, but he's hardly scratched.
Like Mufasa, you reach out,
but he's gotta run to a new party,
another cutout girl;
there's no time for you.
Now your swan song is sung
and he hasn't even stopped by.
I'm the only one left, girl,
now that the thrill is gone.
You are carved into my skin
and I can't walk away.
By 3005, it won't matter
what you said or what you did,
all they'll know of you is me.
A/N: This is my entry for Strange's Anti-Love Poem contest. The song I was given was "3005" by Childish Gambino.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,800 Reviews
Hey Niteowl, Strange here and I have a review for you on this fantastic Review Day!!
Quick side note, you placed in the top three for this contest, so congrats. I'll be following this up with two other reviews and will give you the points as soon as I can.
3005 happens to be one of my favorite songs, and you used it well. It does seem a little bit like a romantic poem, but it's not. It's basically saying "Hey, you went out for him, he left you, you're blind." This is a real anti-love poem, just cautioning the person that their love is fake. The way you used it, of course the great Lion King reference, and the way you blended in the lyrics is great. Nothing really much to say, but I loved this.
Overall, great job
Strange gives you....
9.3/10
Great job
Keep writing
Stay groovy, my amigo
And stay cool, icicle
I simply love this poem. Theres basically nothing to criticise, and i realy hope you win this contest. I'm bookmarking this poem (is that a word) because i genuinley just love this so much. I ecspecially love your Lion king reference
omg, that's when you had me.
I really think you used the song you got well, i was slightly confused though as to what the whole 3005 thing was about, but it didn't really matter, a graduall understanding was granted and didn't affect my enjoyment whatsoever. Loveley poem.
Anti-love is an interesting concept on its own.
x
Thanks for the comment! I had fun writing this. Yeah he used Mufasa in the song so I twisted it to make it fit the story.
This is very good, it tells a story perfectly. The lyrics aren't complex but still do its job and that's brilliant.
I like the rhythm too, you have a flow that isn't broken and the fourth stanza is my favourite and I'm really glad I came across this, it's amazing. Another good thing is the way you played with Gambino's song to do this because I can still see your individuality so you did this really well. I can't find anything to critique on, so you can see how good it is! You have a knack for writing lyrics so I like this. It's great and you did well on this.
Thanks!
I didn't really mean them to be lyrics but I guess they could work that way.
Hoot hoot! Subtle here for a review! So I understand that this is for a song contest and I skimmed it over briefly and found that your poem is almost an ode to it. There isn't much to say here, partially due to the fact there isn't any major flaws. In fact, I just love how you have written this lyrical poem. Is really beautiful and speaks for the majority of the guys out there.
I love the Lion King reference here...I found no major spelling, grammatical or problems with the rhythm in this poem. So, basically a perfect poem. So I will just point out some of my favourites.
I really love the part about the cutout girl, also cutout should be spelt like this 'cut-out' but I just love that term. Just another girl, nothing of importance. This is really well written.
So...overall. Great job! Keep on writing! ^-^
I think cutout can be one word. Thanks for the review!
Gonna put this out here, I love the way how you used the lyrics