You can see, can I?
Rocks cracking across darkening skies;
pain in solemn silence - tears?
Diamonds falling upon soil
hope resonates, loneliness standing still.
Shaking takes form.
Loose debris scattered as hopelessness.
Escape walls - imprisonment.
Not life, not happiness;
persona breaking?
Now
Breaking persona,
happiness - not life, not
imprisonment, walls? Escape.
Hopelessness as scattered debris, loose
form takes shaking.
Still standing; loneliness resonates hope.
Soil upon falling diamonds.
Tears – silence solemn in pain.
Skies darkening across cracking rocks.
I can see, can you?
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hey Aley!
I really liked this poem. It was very clever. A palindrome? Now that is something I am yet to master. Generally, the palindrome poetry I see is exactly the same, forwards and backwards- with the punctuation remaining the same. But this was more unique. You carried through with mirroring the first half, but you gave this a little extra and changed it a little. Almost like a fun house mirror, it's the reflection, just slightly distorted.
These two lines have to be my favourites. You're brilliant. Even if you followed standard palindrome rules; it's still really good.
There's nothing actually wrong with this. The only thing I would suggest is revising over the second stanza, and making sure the sentences make sense, completely. For example:
The second part doesn't make as much sense as it does on the first stanza. This is the only part of the poem I think could use a little work.
Other than that, it's brilliant and I really enjoyed it. Well done, you're an awesome poet.
Happy YWSing,
-Clarity
hey Aley,
oh... my... goodness.....this is.... craaazzzy good. its been a very long time since i read a poem like this. i dont think i have any bad things to say about it. the rythm is great and the entire poem flows beautifully. Palindromes are extremely difficult to write. i haven't ever been able to master one. But you did so very nicely. I think the only thing i would comment on is replacing your "-" with a semicolon.
please keep writing!!! maybe you could help me learn palindromes.
--Cam
Hello Aley!
My mind has officially been blown out of my head. I love how you worked this poem and it feels as if you have managed to trap the reader in these words. Of course not in a bad way though, but in the way that you have worded them.
Honestly though, I reread this poem over and over for about four or five times just because I liked the effect that it had on my brain. It's a really cool technique that has not been seen a lot before. And it really works well with what you're trying to get across to the reader. I really hope more people grab a hold of this awesomeness that I have just experienced thanks to you!
-Emily
Whooaaaaa.
My world just kinda exploded.
I like this! Makes me feel all.... kinda trapped ish, (We all feel different when readin' poems) Then you changed it, and it was just.... Wowwww.
This is pretty awesome!
You are awesome,
Your little student, thingy....
SW
Aley, you just blew my mind. I literally just learned what a palindrome was two minutes ago because of fortis. but she did something different then you did. You've basically mirrored the lines, so that is pretty awesome.
I'm no poet, so I won't waste your time with trying to correct any poetriness that needs to be fixed. Instead, I'll give you my general opinion of the poem.
I think you did a great job with this piece. It's a bit confusing to the nonpoet, because I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to tell the reader, but who needs meaning anyways? If I look beyond that, I can simply enjoy the pretty images you've invoked with your lovely words. You have a real talent when it comes to taking words and weaving them in such a way that pictures resonate from them. What I mean is that I enjoyed the imagery you've included in every part of your poem; it was beautiful.
I noticed you used a lot of semicolons in the first part of the poem, then none in the second part, which kind of shatters my mirror illusion of the poem. It's nothing to worry about, I just thought I'd state it in case you liked the idea of your poem being a mirrored image and wanted to fix it. Despite that, you did a good job with the punctuation. From what I see, punctuation can be difficult to work with in palindromes, but you make it look easy.
Overall, it was a fresh piece of poetry and you've enlightened me. I enjoyed reading this and I think you may have inspired me to try something like this.
-Iggy