Hiya~! It's Mack just dropping by with a review!!
I've never seen anything like this poem before so not only was this a really good read but it was also a bit of a learning experience for me which I enjoyed.
One thing that struck me as odd when I was reading was the line "or something. Dead they fell and both to *meat*/the boat was shook as salt on popcorn. Smack!" Given the spelling in previous repetitions of the line, I wasn't sure whether this was an error or whether it was supposed to also be a reference to the mention of other food in the poem or to "to lose a rack" in the line before.
Also in the line "and Jill went up some *hell* to lose a rack" I don't know if you meant 'hill' or 'hell' here because of the seeming reference to the nursery rhyme.
Lastly in the line "on coral reefs no deck to save just Jack" I think it might make a little more sense if there were a comma between 'reefs' and 'no'.
I really liked this poem, it was incredibly interesting to read and decipher. Hope this was helpful!!
~Mack
Points: 63
Reviews: 23
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