Thoughts blooming like a lotus;
Full of compassion and beauty,
Grow, seeded in the abysmal chasm
Understood to be the mind,
Dominating darkness to see the light of life.
Luminescent with the energy of a cloudless day
The imagination knows no limits...
Even when the soul is numb, that lotus still blooms –
Using the body as a mere vehicle: a mirror of the psyche,
More pure in its native form than light itself.
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Hmm. I agree completely. I've always been an imaginative person, and the last line about it being more pure a light than what is naturally found is an argument I have had with many of people. The mind is the most powerful force in this universe. And I once read "in the mind, you find the greatest of freedoms," which seems to sum this poem up nicely. Your talent for being short and brief, i admire, but I think you could have continued this and made it just a bit longer. That is just a suggestion, though.
Keep writing!
SageofthePage, Thank you very much for the review, and I am very glad we have the same view about the mind! I am really thinking about expanding on a lot of my shorter poems, this one especially. I am finally starting actual writing classes once my spring semester starts which I think will help me a lot and will allow me to go back and expand on many of my poems! But thank you once again for reading!
Cheers!
Graham
Another Apple Dumpling-brand Review!
I love the image of the lotus, like the user below me, but I feel as though it could have been replaced with another stalked flower just as easily. Is that the case? If not, I suggest you try to make it a lot more specific to what you are trying to say, as I think it could make it work a lot better.
My favorite part was:
This is because the darkness juxtaposing with the light really brings out a nice effect.
On the whole, I rather like this poem! Good Job!
I have something strikingly similar I posted a day ago. Unbidden
Its a lot similar, and its one of the reasons I think I really get your poem.
I hope to see more of your writing!
~Binder
Hello, a review from the apple dumpling gang. Firstly, this a very nice poem. I love the idea behind this poem and that reference to the lotus. Your starting was great and so was the ending. i also liked the wide vocabulary used in this poem. I liked the usage of simile in this next line:
"Thoughts blooming like a lotus;
Full of compassion and beauty"
I also like the usage of metaphor in this line:
"Using the body as a mere vehicle: a mirror of the psyche,
More pure in its native form than light itself."
Overall: a very well written poem.
- anshira
Heyo, Lati here to do a review for you!
I really liked this poem.
Let me start off by saying one thing... OOH, THIS IS PRETTY!
I can't really find anything wrong with this poem, which makes me happy (And sad, because I LOVE correcting people, grammar wise.) So let me tell you what I like about your poem. c:
My favourite lines in this poem are:
"That lotus still blooms
More pure in its native form
than light itself."
I like these lines because it's basically saying that your imagination keeps going no matter what.
Well basically, I loved the entire poem, but those lines were my favourite by far. Everything else was a close second. c:
Anyways, this was a really really good poem, and I hope you keep writing more lovely things for me to review!
Keep writing,
~Lati <3
Hi there Gcracker! Nite here to review for the Apple Dumpling Gang this fine Review Day!
Things I liked: The metaphor with the lotus. I think it could be developed more, though. Like what qualities does a lotus (as opposed to another flower) have that make it comparable to imagination? I think that would make this piece feel more vivid.
I also think the ending was nice and strong.
Critiques:
The first two lines are really vague and border on the cliche. Repeating "day" also feels kind of odd in a short poem like this. I would keep the last two lines but rework the first two into something more specific. What makes these thoughts so compassionate and beautiful?
Overall, you have a nice metaphor going, but I think it could be expanded on with more specific examples. Keep writing!
Thank you very much for reviewing, I definitely plan on working on this more, i just threw it together last minute so I could post something for Review Day. Just to give you a quick reason as to why the lotus, I am Buddhist, and the lotus flower starts growing in the bottom of a dark lake and makes its way to the surface then blooms with such beauty. In Buddhism it is a symbol of beauty, love compassion, and strength. I will definitely expand on that more in the poem, and thank you again for a wonderful review!
Cheers!
Graham
I worked on it a bit and uploaded what I came up with, I would love if you could read it again!