Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » General

E - Everyone

Imagination

by Gcracker051595


Thoughts blooming like a lotus;

Full of compassion and beauty,

Grow, seeded in the abysmal chasm

Understood to be the mind,

Dominating darkness to see the light of life.

Luminescent with the energy of a cloudless day

The imagination knows no limits...

Even when the soul is numb, that lotus still blooms –

Using the body as a mere vehicle: a mirror of the psyche,

More pure in its native form than light itself.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
31 Reviews


Points: 2095
Reviews: 31

Donate
Thu Nov 28, 2013 4:19 am
SageofthePage wrote a review...



Hmm. I agree completely. I've always been an imaginative person, and the last line about it being more pure a light than what is naturally found is an argument I have had with many of people. The mind is the most powerful force in this universe. And I once read "in the mind, you find the greatest of freedoms," which seems to sum this poem up nicely. Your talent for being short and brief, i admire, but I think you could have continued this and made it just a bit longer. That is just a suggestion, though.

Keep writing!






SageofthePage, Thank you very much for the review, and I am very glad we have the same view about the mind! I am really thinking about expanding on a lot of my shorter poems, this one especially. I am finally starting actual writing classes once my spring semester starts which I think will help me a lot and will allow me to go back and expand on many of my poems! But thank you once again for reading!

Cheers!
Graham



User avatar
42 Reviews


Points: 4169
Reviews: 42

Donate
Sun Nov 24, 2013 10:09 am
malachitear wrote a review...



Another Apple Dumpling-brand Review!

I love the image of the lotus, like the user below me, but I feel as though it could have been replaced with another stalked flower just as easily. Is that the case? If not, I suggest you try to make it a lot more specific to what you are trying to say, as I think it could make it work a lot better.

My favorite part was:

Dominating darkness to see the light of life.

Luminescent with the energy of a cloudless day


This is because the darkness juxtaposing with the light really brings out a nice effect.

On the whole, I rather like this poem! Good Job!

I have something strikingly similar I posted a day ago. Unbidden

Its a lot similar, and its one of the reasons I think I really get your poem.

I hope to see more of your writing!

~Binder




User avatar
103 Reviews


Points: 747
Reviews: 103

Donate
Sun Nov 24, 2013 9:10 am
anshira wrote a review...



Hello, a review from the apple dumpling gang. Firstly, this a very nice poem. I love the idea behind this poem and that reference to the lotus. Your starting was great and so was the ending. i also liked the wide vocabulary used in this poem. I liked the usage of simile in this next line:

"Thoughts blooming like a lotus;

Full of compassion and beauty"

I also like the usage of metaphor in this line:

"Using the body as a mere vehicle: a mirror of the psyche,

More pure in its native form than light itself."

Overall: a very well written poem.
- anshira




User avatar
20 Reviews


Points: 171
Reviews: 20

Donate
Sun Nov 24, 2013 12:19 am
Pamplemousse wrote a review...



Heyo, Lati here to do a review for you!

Let me start off by saying one thing... OOH, THIS IS PRETTY! :D I really liked this poem.

I can't really find anything wrong with this poem, which makes me happy (And sad, because I LOVE correcting people, grammar wise.) So let me tell you what I like about your poem. c:

My favourite lines in this poem are:

"That lotus still blooms

More pure in its native form

than light itself."

I like these lines because it's basically saying that your imagination keeps going no matter what.

Well basically, I loved the entire poem, but those lines were my favourite by far. Everything else was a close second. c:

Anyways, this was a really really good poem, and I hope you keep writing more lovely things for me to review!

Keep writing,
~Lati <3




User avatar
1210 Reviews


Points: 29861
Reviews: 1210

Donate
Sun Nov 24, 2013 12:05 am
niteowl wrote a review...



Hi there Gcracker! Nite here to review for the Apple Dumpling Gang this fine Review Day!

Things I liked: The metaphor with the lotus. I think it could be developed more, though. Like what qualities does a lotus (as opposed to another flower) have that make it comparable to imagination? I think that would make this piece feel more vivid.

I also think the ending was nice and strong.

Critiques:

Full of compassion and beauty,

Grow to see the light of day.

Luminescent with the energy

of a cloudless day


The first two lines are really vague and border on the cliche. Repeating "day" also feels kind of odd in a short poem like this. I would keep the last two lines but rework the first two into something more specific. What makes these thoughts so compassionate and beautiful?

Overall, you have a nice metaphor going, but I think it could be expanded on with more specific examples. Keep writing! :)






Thank you very much for reviewing, I definitely plan on working on this more, i just threw it together last minute so I could post something for Review Day. Just to give you a quick reason as to why the lotus, I am Buddhist, and the lotus flower starts growing in the bottom of a dark lake and makes its way to the surface then blooms with such beauty. In Buddhism it is a symbol of beauty, love compassion, and strength. I will definitely expand on that more in the poem, and thank you again for a wonderful review!

Cheers!
Graham





I worked on it a bit and uploaded what I came up with, I would love if you could read it again!




If you're paranoid that you're making your novel worse with each passing decision clap your hands
— Panikos