z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

A Collection of Haiku

by Gcracker051595


So this is just a bunch of haiku that I put together over a week or so. I really got into just sitting under a nice tree and noting some observations I had in the form of a Haiku so I hope you enjoy.


Swaying in the wind;

Flowing through crystal water,

Connected as one.



Away, lost at sea

Noting but the stars for my

Solemn company.

The hummingbird comes,

Gone as swiftly as it came

Simply for nectar

Buzzing bumble bees

Bounce briskly, benefiting

Blossoming blue buds.



The cascading leaf

Slowly plummets t'ward the ground;

The blessing of Fall.



The dark River Styx

Is one made of solid stone,

Just as still as Death.



Nothing can wake me

From this eternal slumber;

But with Death comes peace.



So sadly he sings,

Lamenting his wife's death with

Sounds that moved the Gods.



The Song bird's sweet tune

Resonates throughout the land:

Captivating all.


Just a side note, the last few are based off of the mythological story of Orpheus, if you are not familiar with it I highly recommend it, it is my favorite Greek myth and hold a lot of beneficial life lessons.


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105 Reviews

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Sun Oct 27, 2013 11:18 pm
emjayc wrote a review...



I recently borrowed a haiku anthology from the library :) I've come to realize that they can be just as expressive as other types of poetry. I really love some of yours and you were creative about the topics and rhythmical aspects. It's difficult to criticize haiku, which is great ^^ I have nothing at all to insult whatsoever.

The cascading leaf

Slowly plummets t'ward the ground;

The blessing of Fall.


I like this one because it is different from some haikus I see. I like how you removes the "o" from "toward" to make it appear more poetic. I also like how you chose to capitalize the season.
Write more haikus! :)






Thank you Very much! Yea the reason for T'ward being written like that is because it eliminates a syllable so it fits the pattern as well as adding that old English poetic type feel. I'm glad you enjoyed it and thank you again for reading!

Cheers,
Graham



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Sun Oct 27, 2013 6:42 pm
Gravity wrote a review...



I love your Haiku. All of them. Especially the one about the buzzing bees. The only criticism I have is that a few of them go off into their own little world. I'm expecting you to write a collection of haiku about nature, based on the same area or at least concept. A collection of haiku when written like this is supposed to make sense together. Another thing, the traditional form of a Japanese Haiku is that it is supposed to purely represent nature. The last two don't meet that description. I checked all of your syllables, you got all of them correct. Great job :)

My favorite Haiku was this one

Buzzing bumble bees

Bounce briskly, benefiting

Blossoming blue buds.


I feel like many of the poems are out of place. When you group together haiku, again, please make sure they have the same theme. You did a great job, Thank you.

XOXO
:)






Thank you! Yea i kind of get what people are saying about the topics not all being the same, but at the same time I don't. When you read a collection of poetry the topics aren't all going to be the same, which is why it never really occurred to me that it might bother people. But thank you very much for reading and I am glad you enjoyed the bumble bee one! It was my favorite one during the writing process, it was quite a bit more challenging than I had expected it to be! Thank you again for reading and reviewing!

Cheers,
Graham



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Mon Oct 14, 2013 6:16 pm
Messenger wrote a review...



The Messenger Knight here to review for KotGR.
So, I really liked this compilation, although fortis is right about the switch from beautiful nature, to all of a sudden these darker poems, and then the last one coming back to nature. Maybe you could put them in two different posts: Haiku of nature, and Haiku of Death. Just a suggestion. But enough of that.
I really liked all your nature ones especially, and the bumbling bee one was probably my favorite, due to all the bees. It really made it lighter then all of the other ones, although almost everyone one was very well written. Your first haiku was really good, the hummingbird one was just different than the rest, and overall I liked them.
Keep it up!




yubbies21 says...


Oh... I was going to review this for KotGR, but I think either you or fortis forgot to mark it as a review!



TheMessenger says...


Yeah I did.



TheMessenger says...


Yeah I did.



TheMessenger says...


Yeah I did.



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Mon Oct 14, 2013 2:20 am
Rook wrote a review...



Hello~
I just wrote a haiku, so I decided to review one (or more).
So all of these Haikus had the correct number of syllables, so good job on that. I'll bring up a couple that I think had issues.

Away, lost at sea
Noting but the stars for my
Solemn company.

Obviously, "noting" should be "nothing."

The hummingbird comes,
Gone as swiftly as it came
Simply for nectar

This one isn't as nice as the other ones. It uses "comes/came" very close to each other, and "simply for nectar" doesn't really fit in there when you read it as a sentence. I'd revise this one.

I like the Alliteration in the one about the bumble bee.


Okay, here is my problem with this particular compilation (I think I'm using that word correctly) of haikus. I'm over here, enjoying all these beautiful images of leaves, and crystal waters, and bumble bees, and beautiful sunlight.... then suddenly DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH! You definitely need to have that little "side note" BEFORE you get into the death stuff. I was not mentally prepared and it came as a real shocker. An unpleasant jolt. If you do nothing else, please change this. Or, what would be even better, take out all the death haikus and put them in a different post. Then you can have two separate haiku compilations, both with different themes.

And like this, the last haiku seems out of place with all the death haikus before it.


Anyways, I liked all of them, even with the jolt of pretty nature to death.
Good job, keep writing!
~fortis





My tongue must tell the anger of my heart, or else my heart, concealing it, will break...
— Katherine, The Taming of the Shrew