Awakening

by Jadefox

I rise before dawn,

hide the bags under my eyes,

tie my shoelaces and enter the world.

I blink as my eyes adjust,

the sun is bright and promising;

I am awake.

I am the wanderer searching for purpose

in the midst of the shifting crowd.

I am not just a face

or a book with blank pages

gathering dust on a shelf,

I am saved.

The beauty of the world consumes me,

trying to swallow me whole like a whale,

but chokes and I remember that

I am free.

The girl I shared secrets with is gone,

She disappeared among the crowd

of aimless, searching faces.

Her name is almost lost,

blurred into the margins;

but I can still read it: Amanda.

Amanda is at the heart of the earth,

she is screaming and declaring

the sound of echos.

I grasp her hand,

clutching desperately to memories

and long lost moments.

Together, we awaken.

Our birthdays come and go,

first one then the other’s.

We mature as the years

slip through our fingers

like fraying silk.

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Wed Oct 02, 2013 6:48 am

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DreamWork wrote a review...

Hi Jadefox,Dark with review here.

I like this poem for sure.It gives impact on me.Making me wondering from the first part of your poem here.

I rise before dawn,

hide the bags under my eyes,

tie my shoelaces and enter the world.

I wonder is it another world he been through?But I like the descriptions you give.It is a beautiful evening scenery in my eyes.

I am not just a face

or a book with blank pages

gathering dust on a shelf,

I am saved.

Then this part confused me a lots!What are you trying to convey here.Too much metaphor is not so nice to read,it can lead the reader confuse instead of knowing the real meaning is.

Amanda is at the heart of the earth,

she is screaming and declaring

the sound of echos.

I grasp her hand,

clutching desperately to memories

and long lost moments.

Together, we awaken.

This part reminds me of the 'elves'!Anyway,it is well-written and imaginative .The rhythm is good,just need some improvement. Keep it up!

kudos,cheers
dark

Points: 391
Reviews: 22

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Wed Oct 02, 2013 3:03 am

DragonNextec wrote a review...

Dragon here to comment on this Work,
okay
first off
I really liked the poem story, and how you wrote it. It really interested me and got me feeling for the character, if that makes any sense. All punctuation looks pretty good, but the part with Amanda kind of threw me off. Who is she? Is she a real person, or just the name of something in the character's life? Besides that though, it was pretty good.
Keep it up!

Thanks so much Dragon!

Points: 11295
Reviews: 663

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Tue Oct 01, 2013 6:27 pm

Messenger wrote a review...

Knight Malachi here to review real quick, for the KotGR.
So, I really liked the poem story, and how you wrote it. It really interested me and got me feeling for the character, if that makes any sense. All punctuation looks pretty good, but the part with Amanda kind of threw me off. Who is she? Is she a real person, or just the name of something in the character's life? Besides that though, it was pretty good.
Keep it up!

Points: 1665
Reviews: 70

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Tue Oct 01, 2013 4:43 pm

LittleCaroleen wrote a review...

This poem really pulls you in right away. I love the style that it's in.
Your word choice is excellent.
Your grammar is good.
The end is a little confusing with the introduction to "Amanda". I don't really know what's happening because it isn't very clear.
My favorite line is "I am not just a face/or a book with blank pages/gathering dust on a shelf." It's very powerful and it stands out strongly. The ending is weak and could use some improvement, like I said. All in all you've got a pretty good poem.

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Awakening

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