Hey there! Cailey here from the Land of the Lanterns to review your sonnet. (I think I reviewed sonnet number 1 too...)
Anyway, I like that you tackled this, and I like that you tried to sound kind of old fashionedish as if you actually were Shakespeare. And you have some overly dramatic lines, which are also very Shakespearean.
However, be careful that you don't get stuck trying to sound formal or archaic or whatever. Make sure that your voice is in there, too. It is possible to make a modern sounding sonnet, remember. Also, you wrote "take all I got" in one spot, which is very modern and very different from the rest of the piece. Choose one or the other, and do everything you can to stick to your choice.
Also, be sure and stay away from clichés. There have been a lot of poems written about love, so find a way to make sure this one is unique. It must not be just another, "I want to die because you don't love me" poem. Make it "That awesome sonnet by LeoPensomething."
Hope this helps! Keep on writing!
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