Young Writers Society

ok i really love this i related so much with this poem the same thing always happens to me pretty much everyday. but onto the review, this poem flows very well and it really works for the way poem is set i love the form of this the way its setup is really cool. I love the imagery this poem gives when i read it i felt like i am right there talking to her and all this was actually happening and that's what makes a great poem when it gives the reader that feeling and you do it very well here. I also love the way you use the marking out of words so we can see whats going on in the characters head because this stuff really does happen. So once again very great poem i love it.

Hi, Griffin!

This poem is indeed romantic. This is soooo cute! OK. First of all I have to say that the poem is written in a very good way and form. I like how you make the story flow, how you make it sound so in a lyric-like way. I have to tell you that this poem is amazing and unique. You should write more like this.

I admire how you make it sound so much like what it is happening in reality with teenagers this days. The way that you incorporate the thoughts into the poem impresses me. The poem's turns on the corners are so intriguing and captivating! You really know how to lure and excite the reader!

You are surely a very good and talented writer!v Rock on!

Keep up the good work!

~Marde!

That was really good! So many ups and downs! I feel like there is lost emotion in the characters. When I say that I mean I feel like there is history between these 2 people and one can't let go. One of the characters is trying so hard to say what they so desperately need to say, but cant manage to get the words out, you think the words are going to come out but they don't. It has an interesting ending that brings a lot of emotion to readers or at least to this reader. " Whisper, feather soft. I love you. Only I can hear." Great job, it was so good! Keep writing!

PeanutPhoebe, Here to review!!
Interesting!! I really like this, although the end is a little sad. I like they way you cross out what you wanted to say. It was cool the way you put the actual things said into color... This is a really good piece. Most of the time i wouldn't like the incomplete sentences, but you put it in really well. Great job, and keep writing!!

PeanutPhoebe

O_O 30 likes!!!!!!!!!

This format is PERFECT for this poem. I love how you expressed the boy's thoughts. They are so like how it would b if this were a real meeting. And I think th format really helped. I especially liked the scribbled out lines.

"What's up?"

My brain crashes.

Respond!

It's her.

I love you.

You make me smile.

Can I hold you?

"Not much."

Idiot.
Hahahaha, this part is hilariously true. So good. Loved the whole thing.
Keep it up!

Love, love! Usually this format is annoying but it was really effective for this piece and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Right away when you started crossing off the things he wanted to but couldn't say I thought, "This is going to be good." And it was. It held up all the way to the end.

"Not much."
Idiot.
My heart's pounding.
Can she tell?
Focus.
Breathe.
Love is a natural thing.
That's what this is,
Right?

I especially love this part. And throughout the whole thing you use the least amount of words possible but somehow it means the same thing as if it were said with 3X the volume. I really like that you stripped it bare until it was just the words that needed to be said. It's easy to relate to and I wouldn't change a thing.

Oh my gosh *claps for like an hour* maybe i shouldn't have clapped for an hour anyway omgosh this is so good, i really really like it, its the first the i read when i logged on, i love it

Ohhh.....this is wonderful! So simple, so lovely, so captivating. I really could not find anything wrong with it if I tried. Your writing style is so perfect for poetry, and I love the use of the lines. Great job, and keep up the great work! I'm very impressed.

I absolutely loved this! It was engaging and a lot of people can relate to these thoughts and feelings. I love the way you wrote it so simply yet the end had a sadness that stays with you.
I really enjoyed reading this, well done and I look forward to reading more of your work

-Infinity x

This. Was. Amazing. Thank you so much for writing it!

OMG OMG OMG :O this is brilliant I miss feeling like this about someone. This reminds me of those poems in Chicken Soup for the Teenage soul. Idk why it just does. You write so beautiful I'm so impressed. God I wish I could write like you. None of the guys I know write about a girl with such honesty, its so simple though, the way you write. I love how I don't have to figure out what you're talking about, I feel like I was there when this was all happening The end is the best this part
The moment's lost.

Sharp breath.

Whisper, feather soft.

"I love you."

Only I can hear.

Love it, keep writing !!! Xxx, Claire

Great way to put forward the underlying psychological vacillation in a creative way. That early crush for somebody, the slow infatuation, that unrealized yearnings before you become conscious of it have been described so well in the poem.

The simplicity of the poem makes more capable of passing on the inner strains.

Looking forward to more of such experimental style of composition.

Thanks

OHMYGAWD dude!! I remember telling you that you're awesome. YOU TOTALLY ARE!!! It was mindblowing. I loved it!! Dude *worships*

This is beautiful. It sad, but elegent. It's short, but sweet. It will never fade from the minds of those who are influenced by it. It's like love it's self.
I like the way you kept it simple, it does the poem justice, and shows how much you love the person.
I agree with all the comments bellow. And if this is written for someone close to your heart, you need to tell them how you feel.
Good luck, I loved the poem.
~Neverland

xD Genius! I really enjoyed reading and dramatizing this poem; it was really fun. Lol.

This is such a great depiction of the first stages of love. Its very sad, but so relatable. Anyone who has ever had a high school crush can understand where this poem comes from.

I love the way you showed the thought process. The crossing out of the lines works well here. Sometimes it can be annoying or over powering when writers use it too much but with this poem it fits.

I wish we could hear the thoughts of the girl too... I think I mainly want them to just gain some confidence and say what they are really thinking!!

Anyways.... I really enjoyed this poem. You did a wonderful job.

This is so sad. *cries*

I loved how you used colors to differentiate people.

I also like how you crossed out things you want to say.

I hate poems like these because they always make me cry. goshdarnit

Anyway I loved it because it was simply perfect. Great job!

I'm going to try to steer away from these kind of poems now.

Bye,
Cgirl

O gosh! Grif! You know me and how I don't like mushy gooey things like this, but this was definitely the exception! It made me want to hug someone.

I think it's brilliant, the use of the crossed out lines really make this poem stand out. I like the way most of the conversation is between the main character and himself, he's second guessing himself all the time and it is really relatable.

The snappy short sentences really give it momentum, it makes the reader rush down the page line after line, as if we were the ones waiting to make the decision on what to say. I didn't read it as a depressing romance poem about loving a girl, it felt a lot more natural, the light nature of the main character gives it a sort of child like curiosity.

I love you.

You're beautiful.

Come closer.

Hi.

Curses.

These beginning lines really set the tone early on, the light hearted comedy flavour coming through nicely. The moment he actually says Hi and not what he's thinking made me laugh. You also keep it very tight and there isn't a lot of fat on the poem. Short and concise.

Hope I've helped.

LMJ

Pretty cool! I love how it was in short lines. It made it so much easier to read, and it gave it a feeling of urgency. Like he has to tell her quickly before she runs away.
-Whisper, feather soft.
"I love you."
Only I can hear-
That part made me gasp at the end. It has such simple emotion. No fancy words, no trying to sound poetic, just simple emotion, which is very refreshing to read. His thoughts that are crossed out are also powerful, because he mostly does the opposite of what he really wants to do. It makes me feel sorry for him, which makes me want to continue to read to see if he will do what he truly wants to. Very easy to relate to. Nice

Well that was depressing and suspenseful. Sigh.
The only thing I would change is some of your punctuation - you don't need so many exclamation points, as they take away from the overall breathlessness of the story.
I love this, though!

I love this, I have no criticism it's perfect

This is beautiful!

I just love the repeat of the words 'It's her'.

It makes it more amazing!

This is just...great! I'm speechless, sorry! Haha

Do you always write poems like this? Gah, I feel like crying. Haha, its just too beautiful!

Anyway, I really love the end, though its kind of sad

Only because I know she likes him back! You can just tell!! Haha

The "I love you."
Only I can hear.

It breaks my heart, the emotion you've put into this! You should be proud of yourself about this, its just...asdfghjkl;' !

Haha, anywho, I have no complaints... soo yeah.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG *crying cause this is amazing* OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

xx

Beautiful. That's all I can say.
Not only because it's one of the few poems that I actually manage to understand (it's probably the only poem that has ever made sense to me).
Well, when it comes to reviewing poems... You don't have to be an intellectual property expert.. but I'm still not going to review this (sorry to disappoint you) because trust me, you don't want my advice on poems (I'm not an intellectual property expert anyway).

Keep going buddy.

hey !

it is a beautiful poem with wonderful emotions, hidden inside this piece. "It's her" this title also supports your thoughts very beautifully. The dialogue representation in your work strengthens your poetry. The feel of this poem is also good. when i was reading your work, the same feeling generated inside me. The most fascinating thing inside this poem is your ending. what a great ending you plotted at last.

overall, your poem is great. close to everybody's heart(i bet). keep writing.

I think this its not a poetry, this its more like a dialogue , it's well, but it's not poetry in my opinion.

Lovelyface.

This is beautiful!