Young Writers Society

This poem is one of those poems where you go WOW! You think this because one, it is short and two, it has such a big message. The title brings in readers really well and the poem over all, is great. You could have a description on what this could be about. As in many poems, this could be a great start to a novel or a short story or even a longer and more descriptive poem. I would really love to know more about the character that you have here. That would be great. Here is an idea for you, the person that is here in this story, is being paid to have experiments done on her, so that she can provide for her family. She really wants to fit in but she is really poor and in debt. When they finish with her she has grown wings and is more of a freak in society. That would be a story that I would read. Overall, this poem speaks to me. Keep up the good work!

The shortest poem I have read on here, but it speaks volumes! You should expand on this put if you don't it is totally okay cause these two lines alone are so moving. It would be cool if you added on to this just cause I, and I'm sure many other readers who read this, want to know more about the character. Keep going you are a great writer!

PeanutPhoebe, here to review!!...(again)
First off, i really like the way just these two lines and the title go so well together. However, i think it's a little short to have a lot of impact on people. Background information would help a lot. Who is "they"? Why have they grown wings? Another thing, I think you should change "but" to something like "since" cuz you say you shouldn't get your hopes up, but they've already grown wings... why would that make you get your hopes up? the "but" implies that it does, which is why i think you should change it. Great work, and keep writing!!

PeanutPhoebe

Hey there!

First off, let me congratulate you on having such a popular poem! That being said, it didn't do much for me at all. It was far too short to have much impact, in my opinion, as it left too many questions. Hope about what? Grown wings? What exactly do you mean? To me, poetry is all about invoking emotion and painting a picture - this poem did neither of these. Snoink mentioned Emily Dickinson's poem, Hope is a thing with Feathers, and I would say this is a poor imitation of that. Using this idea is fine, but you didn't bring anything new or unexpected to the comparison, which was quite honestly, disappointing.

Overall, I think you can make this a lot stronger

~Epic

i'm sorry to be the only reviewer who says this but this sounds more like an attempt at an aphorism (which doesn't invalidate its status as a poem). it means you have to be bold, which you have been, and say something meaningful, which by all means people think you have done. but it's been done before many, many times and doesn't give me anything new in that regard. i take it people here like reading affirmations of what they've already seen, read and agreed with before.

my advice to you is to take it somewhere else, somewhere more inventive. this sounds too much like a facebook status to evoke any emotion in me at least.

I like this poem. I like how the title and the content match. What the poem says I think is is very cool.But what do I know?

Herby

Hello .

I was so expecting this to be a long poem. But I like that its actually so simple and small. You managed to convey quite a bit of feeling in just two sentences. I'm very impressed with it. I don't think I could have written something with that much feeling into a few lines.

Good Job! This poem conveys how a lot of people feel when they DO get their hope up, including me. Hope to see read the other poems you have!!!!

Okay when I saw this I thought it'd be a long thoughtful poem. But much to my surprise it turned out to be the exact opposite of it.
I couldn't help but agree with you. Hopes do grow wings. No matter how hard one tries and no matter how many times you tell yourself, "Don't do it. Don't expect and hope for something."
You still end up doing it. More often than not hopes come tumbling down.
But call it human nature or stupidity that despite it all. One can't help but hope.

Okay! I don't want to bore you too much with my opinion.
I like that it is short, funny and so true.

Regards
Anouk

Teehee!

Okay, when I first saw this, I was thinking, "Really? This is a bit short..."

But then I read it and I laughed. It is true... hopes do grow wings!

Have you ever read, Hope is a Thing With Feathers by Emily Dickinson? It is not quite as humorous, but it does explore the idea that you presented here with a little more gentleness.

Anyway, neat little couplet!

Hey GriffinClaw,

So short, so simple, yet so much meaning. Wow. Two lines can really say a lot, can't they? So much truth, and nothing more to say. You are really talented GriffinClaw. You'd think it would take like, 20 lines to be really good, but no. Simple, but effective. I love it. Keep writing!

-FCS

So this is such a short poem, yet more packed with truth then some 10+ lines. It's a hopeful poem, and I loved it. At first I read it and was stunned at how short it was compared to most poems I've read. Then I read it again and loved. I'll be checking out your others posts very soon. Very well done. I didn't see any grammar or punctuation problems:)
Keep it up!

Hi GriffinClaw,what a short two lines of poem here!I mean this is amazing.Just two lines but enough to make me stunned and amazed!

#I know I shouldn't get my hopes up, -->This line is clear,but still make me think twice(maybe 3 times)to catch the real meaning here.Also,maybe you should add comma in this line(I know, I shouldn't get my hopes up, )Just my suggestion here^^.

#But they've already grown wings. -->Here I can think of 2 meanings.Whether those hopes is gone (miss) or has become true with the help of others. Because you mentioned 'wings' that might be symbolic.

Overall,it work as a great short-poem here,because it bring effect to the reader.Keep it up!
~Kudos,cheers
~Dark

So this is such a short poem, yet more packed with truth then some 10+ lines. It's a hopeful poem, and I loved it. At first I read it and was stunned at how short it was compared to most poems I've read. Then I read it again and loved. I'll be checking out your others posts very soon. Very well don. I didn't see any grammar or punctuation problems:)
Keep it up!

Hey there GriffinClaw, I'm Graham and I'm going to do a quick review for you!

Firstly I really enjoy the simplicity behind this poem. I'm also a fan of short poetry, which most people are not. So what I really enjoy about this piece is the ambiguity of it. Yes I understand the meaning and how it would be applied to my life, but the information about you or the narrator is unknown. With out knowing the context it leaves a lot in leverage up to the reader which i find very cleverly done in this situation. The only thing I would have to suggest about modifying it would be to make it even more simple. What words are and are not necessary to get the same point across? For example one way to shorten it would be

"I shouldn't my get my hopes up...
But They've grown wings."

I also had a little modification of punctuation in there too, but that's just for dramatic effect. Overall very well done for such a short and simple piece. As always, write on my friend, write on!

Cheers!
Graham

Barnyard Reviews: A Review For You ("Hold Me Down" by GriffinClaw)

As I was scrolling through the contents of one of my favorite literary websites, I happened upon a poem entitles "Hold Me Down," and seeing that the author was the famous GriffinClaw, I had no choice but to click on the little icon that would bring me to the poem's page. What confronted me on the screen was nothing but two line. It probably took less time to type the poem than it took for me to click on the link and read it. At first I felt cheated. I ran outside into the rain and shouted curses into the clouds. And then I realized, wait it's short on purpose.

So then I read it for real, and realized a layer of depth that transcends an initial glance, as these types of things tend to do, and I realized that such a compositional risk was more than warranted. The pure simplicity, the minimalism of the poem is beautiful. First of all, it uses a common adage, lowering expectations, then completely subverts it with a clever metaphor, leaving your mind rendered blown.

Then looking at the poem closely, you see contradiction between the subject of the poem ("my hopes") and the title ("me"). Therefor, the author must be trying to communicate the message that his hopes are personally affecting him, even though he is regretful to accept it. The emotional conflict is obvious, but any qualms are overshadowed by hope and bliss.

The poem, in its two lines, is a testament to the human symptom to tragedy: hope. And in that hope is simplicity, which reeks of beauty. If I were to meet the author GriffinClaw in real life, I would congratulate him on this personal inspection of human nature and his willingness to take risks to get his point across.

I would recommend this poem to anyone looking for validation in their hope for a brighter future.

9/10