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E - Everyone

It's her.

by Sonder


It's her.

"Hi."

Oh, gosh.

I need to respond.

What do I say?

What do I do?

I love you.

You're beautiful.

Come closer.

"Hi."

Curses.

Eyes flit.

Her nose.

Hair.

Chin.

Ears.

So perfect.

It's her.

Lips part.

"What's up?"

My brain crashes.

Respond!

It's her.

I love you.

You make me smile.

Can I hold you?

"Not much."

Idiot.

My heart's pounding.

Can she tell?

Focus.

Breathe.

Love is a natural thing.

That's what this is,

Right?

"Well..."

The world goes on hold.

What will she say?

What will she do?

She loves me.

She likes me.

She hates me.

"I gotta go."

Snap.

The pieces of my heart tinkle as they hit the ground.

No!

Don't leave!

Your heart controls mine!

The world will stop.

The sun won't shine.

Without you.

I love...

"Bye."

She blinks.

I blink.

We blink.

Awkward wave.

Eyes on the floor.

Slow turn...

"Wait."

Silent gasp.

I didn't.

I did.

It's her.

She turns.

Half smile quirk.

Pause.

Deep breath.

I love you.

Be mine?

Can I hug you?

"I'll talk to you later."

She nods.

Confused.

Slow steps.

Away.

Away from me.

Come back.

I love you.

It's her.

I love you.

I can't.

I do!

I look down.

The moment's lost.

Sharp breath.

Whisper, feather soft.

"I love you."

Only I can hear.


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Wed Dec 14, 2016 2:32 pm
CharlesThePhantom wrote a review...



ok i really love this i related so much with this poem the same thing always happens to me pretty much everyday. but onto the review, this poem flows very well and it really works for the way poem is set i love the form of this the way its setup is really cool. I love the imagery this poem gives when i read it i felt like i am right there talking to her and all this was actually happening and that's what makes a great poem when it gives the reader that feeling and you do it very well here. I also love the way you use the marking out of words so we can see whats going on in the characters head because this stuff really does happen. So once again very great poem i love it.




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Sun Sep 29, 2013 11:46 pm
Mardehoward wrote a review...



Hi, Griffin!

This poem is indeed romantic. This is soooo cute! OK. First of all I have to say that the poem is written in a very good way and form. I like how you make the story flow, how you make it sound so in a lyric-like way. I have to tell you that this poem is amazing and unique. You should write more like this.

I admire how you make it sound so much like what it is happening in reality with teenagers this days. The way that you incorporate the thoughts into the poem impresses me. The poem's turns on the corners are so intriguing and captivating! You really know how to lure and excite the reader!

You are surely a very good and talented writer!v Rock on!

Keep up the good work! ;)

~Marde!




Sonder says...


Thanks Marde!



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Sun Sep 29, 2013 10:39 pm
Morticiansdaughter19 wrote a review...



That was really good! So many ups and downs! I feel like there is lost emotion in the characters. When I say that I mean I feel like there is history between these 2 people and one can't let go. One of the characters is trying so hard to say what they so desperately need to say, but cant manage to get the words out, you think the words are going to come out but they don't. It has an interesting ending that brings a lot of emotion to readers or at least to this reader. " Whisper, feather soft. I love you. Only I can hear." Great job, it was so good! Keep writing!




Sonder says...


Thank you!



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Sun Sep 29, 2013 10:20 pm
PeanutPhoebe wrote a review...



PeanutPhoebe, Here to review!!
Interesting!! I really like this, although the end is a little sad. I like they way you cross out what you wanted to say. It was cool the way you put the actual things said into color... This is a really good piece. Most of the time i wouldn't like the incomplete sentences, but you put it in really well. Great job, and keep writing!!

PeanutPhoebe




Sonder says...


Thanks!



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Wed Sep 11, 2013 1:15 am
SushiSashimi333 says...



O_O 30 likes!!!!!!!!!




Sonder says...


YES! *fist pump* It was featured work a while back.





Don't worry, I know. That's how I found this beautimous poem! XD



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Wed Sep 11, 2013 12:59 am
Messenger wrote a review...



This format is PERFECT for this poem. I love how you expressed the boy's thoughts. They are so like how it would b if this were a real meeting. And I think th format really helped. I especially liked the scribbled out lines.

"What's up?"

My brain crashes.

Respond!

It's her.

I love you.

You make me smile.

Can I hold you?

"Not much."

Idiot.
Hahahaha, this part is hilariously true. So good. Loved the whole thing.
Keep it up!




Sonder says...


Thank you so much! I really like your reviews. :)
~GC



Malachi says...


You're welcome!



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Sun Aug 18, 2013 11:10 pm
ChangeTheWorld wrote a review...



Love, love! Usually this format is annoying but it was really effective for this piece and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Right away when you started crossing off the things he wanted to but couldn't say I thought, "This is going to be good." And it was. It held up all the way to the end.

"Not much."
Idiot.
My heart's pounding.
Can she tell?
Focus.
Breathe.
Love is a natural thing.
That's what this is,
Right?

I especially love this part. And throughout the whole thing you use the least amount of words possible but somehow it means the same thing as if it were said with 3X the volume. I really like that you stripped it bare until it was just the words that needed to be said. It's easy to relate to and I wouldn't change a thing.




Sonder says...


Wow, thank you! Your review means a lot to me. :)



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Sat Aug 17, 2013 10:39 pm
ChimeraMania says...



Oh my gosh *claps for like an hour* maybe i shouldn't have clapped for an hour anyway omgosh this is so good, i really really like it, its the first the i read when i logged on, i love it




Sonder says...


Thank you!



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Sat Aug 17, 2013 3:14 am
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thewriterinside says...



Ohhh.....this is wonderful! So simple, so lovely, so captivating. I really could not find anything wrong with it if I tried. Your writing style is so perfect for poetry, and I love the use of the lines. Great job, and keep up the great work! I'm very impressed.




Sonder says...


Thank you! :)



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Fri Aug 16, 2013 8:44 pm
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I absolutely loved this! It was engaging and a lot of people can relate to these thoughts and feelings. I love the way you wrote it so simply yet the end had a sadness that stays with you.
I really enjoyed reading this, well done and I look forward to reading more of your work :)

-Infinity x




Sonder says...


Thank you. :)



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Fri Aug 16, 2013 7:24 pm
Cheetah says...



This. Was. Amazing. Thank you so much for writing it! :D




Sonder says...


Thank you!



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Fri Aug 16, 2013 7:09 pm
ClaireAura wrote a review...



OMG OMG OMG :O this is brilliant :( I miss feeling like this about someone. This reminds me of those poems in Chicken Soup for the Teenage soul. Idk why it just does. You write so beautiful :) I'm so impressed. God I wish I could write like you. None of the guys I know write about a girl with such honesty, its so simple though, the way you write. I love how I don't have to figure out what you're talking about, I feel like I was there when this was all happening :) The end is the best :) this part
The moment's lost.

Sharp breath.

Whisper, feather soft.

"I love you."

Only I can hear.

Love it, keep writing !!! Xxx, Claire




Sonder says...


Thank you. :)



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Fri Aug 16, 2013 12:29 pm
sanju wrote a review...



Great way to put forward the underlying psychological vacillation in a creative way. That early crush for somebody, the slow infatuation, that unrealized yearnings before you become conscious of it have been described so well in the poem.

The simplicity of the poem makes more capable of passing on the inner strains.

Looking forward to more of such experimental style of composition.

Thanks




Sonder says...


Thank you. :)



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Fri Aug 16, 2013 8:23 am
Dutiful says...



OHMYGAWD dude!! I remember telling you that you're awesome. YOU TOTALLY ARE!!! It was mindblowing. I loved it!! Dude *worships*




Sonder says...


Dude! Thanks. XD



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Fri Aug 16, 2013 4:33 am
EscapeToNeverland wrote a review...



This is beautiful. It sad, but elegent. It's short, but sweet. It will never fade from the minds of those who are influenced by it. It's like love it's self.
I like the way you kept it simple, it does the poem justice, and shows how much you love the person.
I agree with all the comments bellow. And if this is written for someone close to your heart, you need to tell them how you feel.
Good luck, I loved the poem.
~Neverland




Sonder says...


Thank you. :)





it was my pleasure to review your poem, it really is beautiful :o



Sonder says...


Again, thank you so much! :D





you are very welcome



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Fri Aug 16, 2013 4:06 am
GeeLyria says...



xD Genius! I really enjoyed reading and dramatizing this poem; it was really fun. Lol.




Sonder says...


Haha thanks.



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Fri Aug 16, 2013 12:38 am
amosh94 wrote a review...



This is such a great depiction of the first stages of love. Its very sad, but so relatable. Anyone who has ever had a high school crush can understand where this poem comes from.

I love the way you showed the thought process. The crossing out of the lines works well here. Sometimes it can be annoying or over powering when writers use it too much but with this poem it fits.

I wish we could hear the thoughts of the girl too... I think I mainly want them to just gain some confidence and say what they are really thinking!!

Anyways.... I really enjoyed this poem. You did a wonderful job.




Sonder says...


Thanks so much! :)



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Thu Aug 15, 2013 8:57 pm
cgirl1118 wrote a review...



This is so sad. *cries*

I loved how you used colors to differentiate people.

I also like how you crossed out things you want to say.

I hate poems like these because they always make me cry. goshdarnit

Anyway I loved it because it was simply perfect. Great job!

I'm going to try to steer away from these kind of poems now.

Bye,
Cgirl




Sonder says...


Aww don't cry! *hands tissue* I'm sorry...but thanks! :)
~GC



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Thu Aug 15, 2013 7:46 pm
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SushiSashimi333 says...



O gosh! Grif! You know me and how I don't like mushy gooey things like this, but this was definitely the exception! It made me want to hug someone.




Sonder says...


Aww thanks Sushi. I hate mushy stuff too, but this...I needed to write it down. :) Thanks.



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Thu Aug 15, 2013 6:40 pm
LMJRayner wrote a review...



I think it's brilliant, the use of the crossed out lines really make this poem stand out. I like the way most of the conversation is between the main character and himself, he's second guessing himself all the time and it is really relatable.

The snappy short sentences really give it momentum, it makes the reader rush down the page line after line, as if we were the ones waiting to make the decision on what to say. I didn't read it as a depressing romance poem about loving a girl, it felt a lot more natural, the light nature of the main character gives it a sort of child like curiosity.

I love you.

You're beautiful.

Come closer.

Hi.

Curses.

These beginning lines really set the tone early on, the light hearted comedy flavour coming through nicely. The moment he actually says Hi and not what he's thinking made me laugh. You also keep it very tight and there isn't a lot of fat on the poem. Short and concise.

Hope I've helped.

LMJ




Sonder says...


Thank you! I feel like this is how I talk all the time, and I can never get out what I really want to say. I am glad to have gotten through what I wanted.
Thanks again!
~GC



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Thu Aug 15, 2013 4:55 pm
AnnaKarenina wrote a review...



Pretty cool! I love how it was in short lines. It made it so much easier to read, and it gave it a feeling of urgency. Like he has to tell her quickly before she runs away.
-Whisper, feather soft.
"I love you."
Only I can hear-
That part made me gasp at the end. It has such simple emotion. No fancy words, no trying to sound poetic, just simple emotion, which is very refreshing to read. His thoughts that are crossed out are also powerful, because he mostly does the opposite of what he really wants to do. It makes me feel sorry for him, which makes me want to continue to read to see if he will do what he truly wants to. Very easy to relate to. :) Nice :)




Sonder says...


Thank you! This is how I feel that most people are, ignoring their true feelings.
Thanks again.
~GC



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Thu Aug 15, 2013 2:59 pm
kelseyforgotss says...



Well that was depressing and suspenseful. Sigh.
The only thing I would change is some of your punctuation - you don't need so many exclamation points, as they take away from the overall breathlessness of the story.
I love this, though!




Sonder says...


Thank you!



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Thu Aug 15, 2013 2:12 pm
EllieArden says...



I love this, I have no criticism it's perfect :)




Sonder says...


Thank you!



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Thu Aug 15, 2013 10:49 am
ItsCharley wrote a review...



This is beautiful!

I just love the repeat of the words 'It's her'.

It makes it more amazing!

This is just...great! I'm speechless, sorry! Haha

Do you always write poems like this? Gah, I feel like crying. Haha, its just too beautiful!

Anyway, I really love the end, though its kind of sad :(

Only because I know she likes him back! You can just tell!! :D Haha

The "I love you."
Only I can hear.

It breaks my heart, the emotion you've put into this! You should be proud of yourself about this, its just...asdfghjkl;' !

Haha, anywho, I have no complaints... soo yeah.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG *crying cause this is amazing* OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

xx




Sonder says...


Well. Thank you. :D
I don't normally write mushy love stuff, nor do I like it, but this hit me out of the blue, and I had to write it. Thanks again!





I would hardly call this 'mushy love stuff' - she leaves. She makes no effort, that heartless woman. He is left to wallow in his self pity and his despair.



ItsCharley says...


Well if you take a closer look, you see that when she turns around and he talks to her again, she was obviously expecting something different like a "Would you like to go out for coffee?" or something like that, because when he says, "I'll talk to you later," she nods, and is quite confused as to why he wouldn't say something like the coffee thing. Well thats my way of seeing it :)



Sonder says...


I don't think she was heartless, he just didn't express what he wanted, so how was she to know? His "Wait." sounded like he had something important to say, so when he didn't, she gave up and left.



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Thu Aug 15, 2013 10:13 am
Eddie wrote a review...



Beautiful. That's all I can say.
Not only because it's one of the few poems that I actually manage to understand (it's probably the only poem that has ever made sense to me).
Well, when it comes to reviewing poems... You don't have to be an intellectual property expert.. but I'm still not going to review this (sorry to disappoint you) because trust me, you don't want my advice on poems (I'm not an intellectual property expert anyway).

Keep going buddy.




Sonder says...


Gracias, your comment still means a lot!



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Thu Aug 15, 2013 8:26 am
rishabh wrote a review...



hey !

it is a beautiful poem with wonderful emotions, hidden inside this piece. "It's her" this title also supports your thoughts very beautifully. The dialogue representation in your work strengthens your poetry. The feel of this poem is also good. when i was reading your work, the same feeling generated inside me. The most fascinating thing inside this poem is your ending. what a great ending you plotted at last.

overall, your poem is great. close to everybody's heart(i bet). keep writing.




Sonder says...


Thanks, your review means a lot to me! :)



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Thu Aug 15, 2013 12:07 am
mariaangelesjs says...



I think this its not a poetry, this its more like a dialogue , it's well, but it's not poetry in my opinion.




Sonder says...


It is free style poetry. It is a lot like dialogue, but in the format of poetry. Free style can be anything, that is why it is called, well, free style. :)
Maybe say something about the work instead of the format?
~GC



Paige says...


I agree with Lovely. Even though this isn't in your mainstream poetry format, it is still a beautiful piece, AND MOST DEFINITELY POETRY :D

With Love,
Paige



Sonder says...


Thanks Swedish Fishy.



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Wed Aug 14, 2013 10:47 pm
Paige says...



Lovelyface.

This is beautiful!




Sonder says...


Thanks, Fishy.



Paige says...


You're welcome, lovelyface!




Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own.
— Chinese proverb