The moon wanes, as I stare at it from my window.
I reflect on the nights choices, disgusted to find out she was not the one.
I've searched and searched, the hapless dreamer I've become.
Tormenting days,
Sleepless nights.
I only wonder when wrong, will be turned right.
In my dismay I greet the day, fore the sun always rises up in the morn.
In the early mornings eve I feel the breeze, and hear those sweet words you used to say.
Against my will i'm taken to a place.
Where the nights were nye so cold, the days not quite so alone.
Fore you were near, you were so dear to me.
From these memories I must run away, don't distress my hearts at rest.
I can only hope again you'll feel the same.
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137,630 Literary Works • 672,054 Reviews
Sup another Plaguer. I like your poem it's lovely but how was he forced away to a place where she was. Wasn't he wishing to find her at the beginning? It seems kind of contradictory. By the way I think you hook people in with your great titles. ^o^
Hi there. A fellow Plaguer here to review.
I think that you have a lovely poem here. It's relatable to many people, minus myself. XD I enjoyed the words you chose, and I especially enjoyed when you used the old English words. Nice job with that.
My sole issue would be that I feel like the punctuation messes up the flow. I feel like you added in a ton of unnecessary commas. Two examples where I felt like you added in commas where they shouldn't be are "The moon wanes, as I stare at it from my window." and "I only wonder when wrong, will be turned right."
Aside from the punctuation, I thought you had a splendid piece here.
Keep writing!
I love this so much. I can really relate to it. I especially love the use of some old English which really spices it up!! There are a few parts where I get stuck. I would suggest you smooth them over, Ex.) "In my dismay I regret the day" I just find that rhyming within that verse throws me off. There a couple errors but nothing TOO strenuous. Overall, this was amazing to read!! <3
Thankee
This is an amazing piece. The way you separated the last line of the first stanza and the beginning line of the second made me pay attention to the poem, well done.
I like how I can feel the emotion behind this. While the flows a bit off to me, it doesn't make it any harder to read.
(Also, I really really like "nye so cold". Good job of switching up language use.)
I like the way the message is conveyed in this, so good job. This piece doesn't really need any working on, in my opinion.
Keep writing.
~~Ayden.
Thank you, joining this site and learning to accept the criticism has already helped me think more about how I write. I typically enjoy using fore and nye but by far my favorite word is dismay, even though it's not a switchup. I appreciate you
Again I find much longing and nostalgia coming from this work. I don't have much to say as for a review but I can say that I thoroughly enjoyed this piece and found a lot of common ground with the imagery. "I've searched and searched, the hapless dreamer I've become. " Here I am a bit confused as to if you search the hapless dreamer that you have become, or searching and have become a hapless dreamer. Both are great, and have great imagery. This consistent longing is a great theme as it is very emotional and very relatable. +1