Pokemon Ultimate Evolution: Episode 6, Lasting happiness.

by dark

Published June 6, 2013

E - Everyone Mature Content

In Pokemon Season 1

"Ryan. Ryan Sparker was his name." 

"And you say he saved you?"

"He did. I'm really grateful for that."

"Listen, Sato, Just because a person saves you out of the goodness of their heart, it doesn't mean you have to fall for them instantly. That's just not right."

"Whoever decided what's was right or wrong? Also, Mother, I'm not falling for him. I'm just grateful he helped me. Nobody else would."

"Whatever. Go do something else. You are always bugging me about these things."

"Yeah, alright..."

Tracey found Jason last night while walking from the school. He seemed to have hatched so suddenly and wandered off while I went to look for someone to battle. I didn't even realize that the egg was gone when I dropped my food off in the tent. Tracey believed that I had something to do with him since no Pokémon from around here looked like him.

"Jason... That's what you decided to call him?" Mr. Devon asked me. "Why that?"

"I have no clue why. I just feel like it fits. I've wondered myself. My mind is an enigma of epic proportions."

"Yeah, okay. So! Do you know why I have called you hear?"

"I assume," I started. "That you want to tell me how you know who created this world. Am I right." 

"Exactly" He answered. "You see, my son, Steven has some Pokémon with very honed psychic abilities. They told him that  the Pokémon that created this world was in our city. They must have ment you. I can feel the power radiating from you. Not as much as I thought it would be, but it's a ton more than the average kid."

"By the way Mr. Devon, what year is it?" 

"Hmm? Oh, we don't keep track of the years all too often, but I do know that this world has been around for 50 billion years. It seems a year here passes every time one billon years passes in another place in space. At least thats what was reported by some hardcore explorers. People don't like to age themselves by saying billion, so we often just say whatever the number is without the billoin after it for short."

"People are able to live that long without needing somekind of help after several years?"

"Actually yes. An even better quirk is that some people choose to not age after a certain period in their lives. Well they still age in years, but they won't change appearance anymore which gives them the appearance of not aging continuously."

"Interesting. But I must know, how are there people older than 50? I even got my age checked by a psychic woman some time ago. She said I was at least 90, or 9 in other terms"

"Our, or should I say, your world is very odd in a lot of ways."

"How so?" I asked with an interested look.

"Well the giant light in the sky you see during the morning, which is called the sun, isn't really up there if you go in space. It's only visible when inside of this world. The moon is real though. Also the time is random."

"Random how?"

"Well, the days don't all last the same amount of time. Some days last only 10 hours or a liilte above that, while others last 30 or more." 

"Hold on." I said. "If the days are not all the same, how do we know when we reach a new year?"

"Well the days are easy. When a new day starts the sun will come up, er, appear to come up. Since the days in a years are not counted, people just wait until a billoin years has passed in another place in space. They psychics sense when that happens too. Also some people's personalities tend to change when this happens. It's currently unknown why."

"Thanks for the information, sir. It's nice to know a lot about your creations."

"Trust me, I know. Now go spend some time with your brother there! Bond some more. Oh, and take this."

He handed me a brand new black backpack. When I put it in my back, Jason immediately jumped into the biggest pocket to sleep.

I left to take a walk in the nearby forest to let Jason see the sights the world had to offer. While I was heading there, the same Ralts girl came up behind me.

"Hey!" She yelled. "Over hear!"

"Hmm? Oh hello. It's you again."

"Sorry for coming our of nowhere, but I never got to properly think you for helping me the other day. Here, take this."

She handed me a box of freshly picked Sitrus berries.

"Thank you!" I exclaimed. "I have heard that these are really good."

"Um.. Uh.." She looked so nervous.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Would you mind if I walk with you?" She asked. She seemed to be shaking.

"Yeah sure. No problem with that."

"By the way. My name is Sato Sanna." She said a lot calmer now.

"Hmm, Sato... That's a pretty name. Nice to meet you."

She didn't make it obvious, but I heard her giggle a little...

Whlie we walked in the forest, she pointed out the smaller Pokémon that lived there. Some are called Shroomish, while are others called Zigzagoon. Jason poked his head out from my bag to see what was going on.

"It that little guy yours?" Sato asked.

Jason jumped on my head .

"Well no. This is my brother, Jason. He hatched just yesterday."

"Awww!" She exclaimed. "He so cute! May I hold him?"

"Sure. Be careful, I don't know how he'll react."

I picked up Jason off my head and put him down in front of Sato. When she picked him up, he let out a loud, cute cry of happiness and rolled around in her arms. "Hold on. Maybe he'll like these." I took some Sitrus berries and held on in front of him. He grabed it and stuffed it in his mouth. He made another sound of happiness and he looked at me as to ask for more. I gave him two more and ate one myself.

"He really likes those berries. I'm glad."

"I can see why." I answered. "These are tasty!"

She handed him back to me. Until now, I didn't recognize tiny her size. The Pokémon called Ralts was very small compared to people with a form like mine, but Jason was able to fit in her arms perfectly. Her eyes were covered by the bowl-like head she had with the two red horns on them. I only saw her eyes when she looked up at me or when she pushed her 'bowl' up from her eyes. It didn't seem to go up too far to be an actual hat, seeing that it was her head. Her eyes were a beautiful red color that made me feel good when I saw them.

We sat down on a nearby bench soon after Jason fell asleep from filling up on Sitrus berries. Sato seem tired too, and she rested her head on my arm.

"Um, Sato?" I said.

"Hmm? Oh! I'm so sorry." She said looking shameful. She lifted her head up and yawned.

"No it's not that. I wanted to say, you have really beautiful eyes."

"You really think so? Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'm surprized you're not used to so many compliments. I said. I think people should at least be a tad nicer to you."
"Aww, it's so sweet of you to think that. To tell the truth. All I need is for you to not hate me and I'm fine." She answered with a smile that showed her small, white teeth.
"You seem to like me a lot."
"Yeah. About that..."
"Dont worry, I like you too! You're diffrent. Not just a regular person like everyone else, but a special person who's kind and very sweet. Don't get upset when people hate you. It's not like that actually matters." I said returning her smile.
She didn't respond. She just stood up on the bench and turned away. I stared at her for a while then she sniffled a little them broke out crying with joy. Her hugged me and I hugged her back.
"No one's ever been this nice to me! Every one else I know treats me like I'm worthless. The only people that haven't been that way towards me are Tracey... And you."
In my mind I laughed at her.
I can't believe she cares that much about what others think of her. She must have some very low self esteem. I hopes she's okay. This is odd. I don't know why I care about her sadness. Something must be wrong with me. I'm probably just randomly feeling this.
Sato picked her head up from me. I whiped the tears off her face for her. Suddenly she pressed her lips against mine. She just kissed me out of nowhere. I closed my eyes and cupped her face in my hands. Her lips were very soft and the kiss felt so good. When she separated from me she gasped and without a word, teleported away. Jason woke up and looked for her. He looked at me with sad eyes. I petted his back to comfort him and carried him back to my tent.
"That was so odd, Jason." I whispered to him. "She just kissed me and left. I have absolutely no idea what that's supposed to mean. Maybe she's just very happy."
Jason nudged me and curled against my neck as I lay under the blanket. I felt the very warn heat that he expelled. Suddenly he sqeaked and then sneezed. He sneezed small embers that faded into the air.
"Hmm," I said softly. "Fire..."

Comments & reviews · 5
User avatar
BrumalHunter
Review
BrumalHunter wrote a review Review · Dec 16, 2014

Salutations.

The chapters/episodes seem to be getting better as we go along, though there is still much work that can be done to improve them (or rather, improve future works.) This one in particular is one of the best thus far.

The characterisation takes place at a tremendous pace, but high-paced characterisation is better than no characterisation at all. I'm not surprised that Ryan and Sato (interesting name) are in love/attracted to each other, but it is stange that Ryan thinks his feelings of affection for Sato are random and that something is wrong with him.

And I am happy to see you have finally decided to describe your characters! Now, we at least know Sato is currently in her Pokémon form, although we still don't know what her human form is, while we don't even know what other characters look like at all! Nevertheless, it is a start.

Also, I should mention that your first seven paragraphs need to be separated from those that follow. Why? Obviously the first seven paragraphs are about an interaction with Sato and her mother, and while they do provide clarity as to Sato's stance towards Ryan, it is very confusing if you then jump to another character without an indication. The easiest way to indicate a time lapse or character jump is by means of asterisks (***). I prefer using one to indicate a time lapse, whereas three are used to indicate a character jump. Oh, and you'd probably want to place the asterisks in the centre of the page.

What I appreciate about this chapter/episode the most is that you finally tell us how the world works. I must say, it is a rather strange time and aging system you have created, but it shows originality. Besides, why should everything make sense? As long as the base aspects of your fanfiction makes sense, then you can do whatever you like.

Before I finish my review, I have two questions:

    1. Do your Pokémon only eat the berries, or do they have other food sources as well?
    2. When do the Pokémon decide to be in their natural form, and when do they change to their human form?
These questions partly concern this chapter/episode, but mostly your story in general.

These questions partly concern this chapter/episode, but mostly your story in general.

Anyway, that's it. On to the next chapter/episode, and once again, well done with the explanations.


This review courtesy of
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Pokemonlover545 wrote a review Review · Sep 15, 2013

This is once again, another review! I hear you're on the second season. THAT MEANS MORE REVIEWS FOR YOU! You put dicided instead of decided. You put what's was instead of what was. I didn't read the 4th Pokémon Ultimate Evolution. Now I see you making super long Pokémon Ultimate Evolutions. The parts I like are.....everything except for the wrong spelling parts. You put hear instead of here. I forgot Reshiram/Jason's full name. AND HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO PUT 250 CHARACTERS IN 4 SENTENCES!? I can picture the Ralts Girl. She looks cool, but you do not know what IO think she looks like. I am thinking that this review is still too short. I wish it could say how many characters I have typed...Anyways.......END OF REVIEW AND GOODBYE!

User avatar
Hannah
Review
Hannah wrote a review Review · Jun 30, 2013

Hey again!

"Yeah, alright..."

Tracey found Jason last night while walking from the school.


This was really confusing because you suddenly moved from one place and time to another without giving the reader any clue. What you can do is make an extra space between the lines or even do something like

* * *

to make sure the reader knows we're taking a break from what we were just reading and might go to any other place now.


I really like that you took some time to explain more about the world to us through that dialogue. But I was confused as to why Ryan wouldn't know this stuff about his world when he created it. I guess some of it, like the counting of years, is the culture that evolved, but he'd know if the sun and moon were real or not, right?

Now for something I really like:

Her eyes were a beautiful red color that made me feel good when I saw them.


I LOVE the honesty in that line.

Every one else I know treats me like I'm worthless.


But I wonder about this one. If she's so sweet and kind, why would people treat her like she's worthless. There has to be a reason that people would pick on her, and if you tell me what the reason is, I can believe this and accept your story! c:



++ Lastly, your biggest problem: hear means to listen with your ears, and here means in THIS location. You've made the same mistake three times over the course of your story, at least!

Woo woo~ Let's chug ahead to part seven!

User avatar
TinkerTwaggy
Review
TinkerTwaggy wrote a review Review · Jun 12, 2013

Very humanized Pokémons here. Being a HUUUUUUUUUUUUGE Pokémon fan myself, I can certainly compare your style to Mystery Dungeon. Emotive. lots of feelings put in your story there, and they sound very anthropomorphic.

I think it's too bad that you've added a bit too many human expressions here, and didn't tried to "Pokemonize" them, just like Mystery Dungeon likes to do. And the fct that Sato "kisses" Jason is a bit odd too, which shows really how much you humanize them, maybe too much.

Except for a few mistaes, your grammar's good, and as I said you put lots of emotions in the story. Keep it up with your fan fiction, I wonder how you'll be able to describe action scenes for example!

Also I recommand you to read the "Silverwing" book series, because it relates a fictional story of a bat with a great destiny. It's fictional, yes, but with lots of realistic elements, and it might actually help you find a style, a way to put yourself into an animal character, and thus humanize your characters better. Or simply replay the Pokemon Rescue teams and Mystery Dungeon series, you'll learn a lot from those I can assure you :)


Cheers!

~Shell Master Tortwag~

dark replied · Jun 12, 2013

Glad you like it! Also Jason is Ryan's newly hatched brother. The main character is Ryan Sparker

User avatar
Jonathan
Review
Jonathan wrote a review Review · Jun 8, 2013

Hello dark. Jordin here with another review for you (Your writing always rocks!) Keep it up. I am hoping that this is of some use to you.

Dark wrote:but I never got to properly think you for helping me the other day.
This is a small mistake just read through it and you will see.

Dark wrote:"It that little guy yours?"
I think you meant to say "Is that little guys yours?" another very small mistake.

Overall great job.

Grammar: Okay there were a few mistakes: Good

Spelling: Only two mistakes that I could see: Good

Punctuation: I could not see anything wrong: Great

Plot: So fare I am not sure if you have a plot but most people don't even have one so: Moderate

Contents: Not a single mistake: AWESOME

Keep writing and good luck.

~Jon~ :pirate3:



What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god -- the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals!
— William Shakespeare