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December

by Aley


December of never wry conventions,
Time to let me go.
Blow now upon another shelter
And do not furrow so.
Although my kind see you as ending;
Beginning or the middle, now is you.
For December stays with no calendar connection,
No clock upon a wall.
December near such a fall convention,
Time to let me go.


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Thu Jun 20, 2013 6:35 pm
gothgirl says...



I like how you set the poem. I feel that you didn't have to think too much, that it just came naturally. You used very good vocabulary, and I can't think of anything to change about it.
Overall, well done
Gothgirl




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Mon May 27, 2013 1:11 am
cj2344 wrote a review...



Beautiful poem. I really love the language you used and I just enjoyed reading it. Although it depresses me to say this: I almost never see anything like this on this website (I'm not trying to bash other people's works, or the website, I'm just saying). I feel like what you're saying here is a pure feeling that you put into words (quite well I might add). Anyways, now I'll be specific.
I'm not going to correct grammar or anything because everyone else has probably gotten everything.
Okay...
I agree that "beginning or the middle, now is you." is kind of confusing. I'm guessing you're saying something to the effect of it's december NOW. Or i don't know something more poetic. Anyways, whatever you mean by that, please make it a little clearer if you can while keeping the meaning in tact.
I'd maybe describe why you want "December" to let you go a bit more. "never wry conventions" and "blowing on shelters" are good generalizations, but I'd like it to show a little bit more of a personal connection. In layman's terms...What has December ever done to you?
Great job with this, I really did enjoy it and I'm sure many others will too. Good luck with future projects :)!




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Sun May 26, 2013 10:49 pm
KnightTeen wrote a review...



I liked this poem a lot. However the line, "Beginning or the middle, now is you." rather confused me. I'm not exactly sure what you are attempting to say here, what this adds to the poem. Also, you seemed to have a good rhyme pattern going (for the first four lines every other line ended in rhyme) but then you just rather abandoned the rhyming scheme. Well, the last line could've been part of the rhyming scheme but the sixth and the eighth lines (the ones that should have been included) were lacking of the long (O).

I don't know if this was intentional or not, just thought that I would point that out.

Good job!




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Sun May 26, 2013 7:42 pm
SecreteJournalist wrote a review...



Hello Aley. SecreteJournalist here for a review. Also, consider yourself followed, since I follow everybody I review. (:

The name drew me in, I was born in December c; . But anyway, I like this poem. Everyone has really corrected all the mistakes I have seen. My favorite line is: Although my kind see you as ending;

I like this line a lot because of the semicolon . It represents a line the author could of ended, but chose not to. That, to me, is very powerful. It represents alot. But anyway, you did a great job with this poem! Your writing is awesome, keep writing, I would love to read more




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Sun May 26, 2013 2:13 pm
Skydreamer wrote a review...



Hey, Aley!

This is interesting, but I think it could use a little separating. :P I just feel the way you're trying to write it, if it were more spaced out it would have a better flow, if that makes sense.

So here I go:

"December of never wry conventions,
Time to let me go.

Blow now upon another shelter
And do not furrow so.

Although my kind see you as ending;
Beginning or the middle, now is you. -- This part is quite confusing and I would suggest revising it quite a bit. I am not too sure how it would be done but I think something along the lines of "Beginning or the middle, you are everywhere" now this doesn't go with your rhythm, so it's just an idea to help get ideas flowing.

For December stays with no calendar connection,
Nor clock upon a wall.
December near such a fall convention,
Time to let me go.

So overall, this was sort of nice, and I think I understood it. I think that some of your ideas just need to be expressed in a different way. Not sure how to say it, but I feel like some of the lines don't really go well, and many times one can still write exactly what they meant to write while changing the way they write it or the order and such. So my main advice would be to really read it and search for what you are trying to say. I could tell that it was time for winter to let the person go, but it seemed like you were trying to add something else in there, and if that is so, then that needs to be more clear. :)

So, yeah. Oh and congrats on being the featured member!! :D

-- Dream on!




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Sun May 26, 2013 12:32 pm
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Juniper wrote a review...



Bonjour, Aley! June here.

I appreciate this poem for its well thought out rhyme scheme. I'm a little unsure of how I feel towards it on the whole, though, because its metering seems a little bit uneven in some spots. Nevertheless, you have a good command of words here, and I think you know what message you're trying to convey, but I have a feeling that some of that might be lost in translation towards your audience.

I am not a particular fan of the "and do not furrow so" line because, while it works, I cannot help but feel like it was added to support the presence of its rhyming line. I feel strongly that rhyme should be effortlessly cadenced throughout the poem and should not make its presence known aside from where it works. I feel like this issue presents itself again in the line Beginning or the middle, now is you line, even though there's no direct pair to rhyme it with. I feel like the wording there is a little laborious on the tongue, so I'm not a huge fan of it.

Otherwise, I feel like this had a rather lovely archaic tone to it which is hard for some (like me! :P) to effortlessly achieve. Good job, Aley. Good job.

Keep it up,
June




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Sun May 26, 2013 4:33 am
spacesoldier wrote a review...



I thought it was a good poem but I think it should probably have a few more verses and I was sad to see how short it was because I was captivated while reading it or maybe the word I'm looking for is fascinated and I think you really should make it longer because I would love to see it in a lengthy long array of words going down the screen alright thanks for taking the time to read this




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Sun May 26, 2013 3:02 am
speakerskat wrote a review...



Hello there my fellow Young Writers Society member! Speakerskat here to review for The Tsunami Tyrants!

Awww so short :( it was so good that I wish it were longer!

"December of never wry conventions,
Time to let me go.
Blow now upon another shelter
And do not furrow so.
Although my kind see you as ending; (huh?)
Beginning or the middle, now is you. (I do not like how this section was worded, consider revision)
For December stays with no calendar connection,
No clock upon a wall.
December near such a fall convention,
Time to let me go."

I love the repitition of "Time to let me go" makes me a little nostalgic for winter. But some of your poem didn't make sense and was either over explained slightly or severly under elaborated.

I really did truly and honestly love your poem though =D




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Sun May 26, 2013 3:02 am
Luxury wrote a review...



First line: December of never wry conventions

A very relatable sentence. I immediately think of holiday outings and family gatherings and crowded public events. I'm not sure 'wry' fits very well, though. Sure, that time of year is never really wry, but why would it be? It would be more accurate to use a word opposite of cheer or celebration. Unless maybe there is a hidden meaning you are hiding within the poem so that a reader cannot easily understand it.

Nevertheless, the first line WAS able to keep me going. Blow now upon another shelter is pretty literal. I thought of the recent tornadoes that occurred in Oklahoma, but I don't know why December relates with that, so I don't really understand this part.

For December stays with no calendar connection (and onwards): this could mean some event that happened in December was meaningful and is staying with you throughout your life. It could also mean that during December, we often lose track of time and get caught up in the jolly good events. My point is that it's easy for a reader to make something of this part. I like the ending the best of all.

I would say it's a nice poem... but lacks focus... and is a little here and there and everywhere, if ya know what I mean.

Other than that, it has good rhythm and I like reading it slightly aloud. It has very good flow!

Perhaps you purposely made this poem so that the meaning is very hidden (some people do this when addressing very touchy or personal topics). Even so, it's nice if you can lead the reader to some solid ground on which to build the main idea on. This way the reader is benefited.




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Sun May 26, 2013 1:06 am
cm57105 wrote a review...



Hi Audy!

I'm going to give your poem a crack at reviewing seeing it's review day! Like most of your pieces this is thoughtful and subtle, something I'm striving to accomplish. The poem overall I think had some great flow to it, great vocab and some thought provoking lines that I liked. Then again, I feel like some of the imaginary could be out into any poem, that it wasn't really describing of December. That is a critique, but only a small one.

I'm going to do a who poem review, because I feel like it :P

Decmber of never wry conventions,
Time to let me go.

I thought this was a thoughtful, solid start, making me curious for more. The use of the word 'conventions' was very fitting I thought.

Blow now upon another shelter
And do not furrow so.

This is what I was talking about when I said some of the imaginary wasn't tailored enough to December. These two lines I stumbled across, as I don't think they fit in at all.

Although my kind see you as ending,

Are you adding an elegant of fantasy? My kind could be humans it could be elves, it cold be anything. Not exactly sure why you used that.

Beginning or the middle you are now,

I agree with niteowl when I say that this and the line before was awkwardly worded and left me scratching my head. What on earth did you mean?

For December stays with no calendar connection,
No clock upon a wall.
December near such a fall convention,
Time to let me go.

This was a solid ending and I enjoyed it. I liked how you said 'For December stays with no calendar connection' as it engaged me and flowed well. Overall, I think it was a solid poem, like many of yours but perhaps it could be improved with a touch more December in it.

Hope this helped :P
~CM




Gravy says...


Hi Aley* not Audy rofl.



cm57105 says...


That's Gravy! Stupid auto-correct...



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Sun May 26, 2013 1:01 am
Catnip wrote a review...



Hi there, Aley ^-^ Came to give a review (Happy review day btw) Everything I’ve ever read from you has been wonderful. You seem like a dedicated and helpful member, so I thought I’d review some more of your pieces c:
Firstly, I thought I’d point of the typo of the beginning word “December”. Which you mistakenly spelled “Decmber”. It sort of threw me off and I’d advise you to edit it, but anyhoo, that was clearly an accidently. Your use of rhythmic is excellent, and I loved this part most of all:
‘Time to let me go.
Blow now upon another shelter
“And do not furrow so.”’
And:
‘For December stays with no calendar connection,
No clock upon a wall.’
Aside from these parts, I thought the piece was a bit abstract and the point wasn’t very clear. I’d suggest polishing it to its height if I were you, just to kill the lack of dimension. Other then the fact that the point wasn’t clear enough for my liking, I think you have lovely style and are a very promising writer.
Good luck! Keep writing, and I hope to read from you again ^-^

Catnip~




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Sun May 26, 2013 12:13 am
Rurouni wrote a review...



This is cool.

I liked it.

Aley, this is really cool.

Anyways,

wry, is that worry? weary? Some people may not get it.

It's sad in a way, and I sense a story that could be plotted off of this. I really think its neat and cool.

My Favorite line is : For December stays with no calendar connection,

I think that line screams mystery and much more...

Thanks,

pegasusgirl2




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Sun May 26, 2013 12:12 am
niteowl wrote a review...



Hi Aley! Usually I don't bother reviewing your stuff because I have nothing useful to say, but it's Review Day so here goes.

I like the beginning, how it opens up the idea of December as not a time but a state of mind. I think the end is pretty strong as well. My main quibbble is with these two lines

Although my kind see you as ending,
Beginning or the middle you are now,


These lines seem rather awkwardly worded and I don't quite understand what you're trying to say. I think the idea might be that some see December as just another month that will come and go, but the speaker feels that December is a cold and gloomy state of mind that won't leave. If I'm completely off base, clarify please.

I also think this could do with a touch more of December-related imagery, but I'll leave that up to you.

Overall, I liked this. It flowed well and I think it had an interesting meaning (if I'm interpreting it correctly). I would just make the middle more clear. Great job and keep writing! And go Tsunami Tyrants! :)




Vryx says...


Great Dramatic and simple poem :)
Great job Aley




The only way of knowing a person is to love them without hope.
— Walter Benjamin