Young Writers Society

Hi again, Lyssiekins lol
I almost feel a bit awkward for reviewing all of your work, but I just fell in love with your style immediately. I've never done this with anyone's writing on here before lol
For the third time, your a Goddess at this xD I love everything you produce and am just entranced each and every time I read your work. The description, work-usage, everything! You're sensational. Your work speaks to the soul at times, well done <3


Please keep posting ^-^

Catnip~

Excellent honestly the only long smart word I can write out because I am too lazy to go to a thesaurus.It makes me think deeply about this Cupid or love.I actually don't know hat else to say because what I understood from this poem maybe I am wrong but love hurts.Even though we don't want to be struck by it when it does it is amazing but it makes you feel funny. Well that's what I understood it may not be what you were writing or typing whatever,I write from my the top of my head because then I start over thinking about what I'm writing.Before I start going of about my life story.I just wanted to say it was good and makes you think what does this really say to me.

The last stanza is powerful and echos long after you have read it. I feel that the format is just fine for the poem especially for the last line I mentioned. I think it would lose its affect if you just streamed into right from another concentrated stanza. Each stanza holds its own and I commend you for that. Well done

I like how you started this with a question, makes the reader start off with thought. I also liked the way you described Cupid's arrow as a stab instead of what most would think of as a prick. This is very true, love is not what many think it is and this addresses just that. I don't think there are any major grammatical errors. I look forward to more.

Hi there. My name is Ariana Simone and I'm going to review your poem today!

Okay, well, to start off, I really liked this. It is short but sweet and equip with lovely extensive vocabulary. You have a very nice flow here and words that are not commonly used. (Well as far as I know)

Anyway, I wanted to commend you on this. Keep up the good work!

Beautiful, sweet, and simple poem you have here. I personally love simplicity. You do a good job of portraying emotion, I can really get it.
Even though this poem is short, it get's its message across. I think that you did a great job here. Make sure to keep writing, 'kay

~Rainn

Hello,
It was nice going through your poem, found it short and sweet.
I liked the use of commas, making meaning clearer and individual words more forceful.
However few things that could be improvised, as the rhyming of the first and second stanza. The last line with some ambiguity, at least for me.
Reading it twice or so to yourself would be a help.
Bye for now.
Keep enjoying and keep writing.

Animal is here to save the world review.
#3 for review day
Let's get started


It is very lovely poem and you have a very good vocabulary, so I have to search the meaning of some words. This is so coo, you need to write more.

The pained endeavors of neither greed nor vanity,
earning only defacement, and loss of dignity.

This was really good, I loved the poem. The only thing that bothered me a bit was your format. I thin the poem would flow better with four lines in each stanza instead of two. It just feels more natural when reading. Otherwise, amazing work!

Hey there!
That was good, I liked the way you ryhmed things, I do think though that Suffering, should be sufferings, just to make it ryhme a little more
liked the last sentense, keep up the good work writer!

Hello there Lyss! Dogs here with your review today. Well lovely poem you have here, your vocab usage is beyond excellent and you do a great job use a philosophy description in your writing. Nice job in that regard. Although your vocab is marvelous, there are some words that are a little odd. I do love how you've taken this overused and boring topic and put your own marvelous brilliant twist on it to make it interesting. Lets dive in now shall we?

That first stanza is a killer, great great way to bring in the reader to your poem. It really opens up the topic and leads to a lot of brilliant description potential.

"Torn off, shackles of what sanity remained."

Now this line is a little confusing. Confusing because of the "shackles" word choice. I think, perhaps, you might be more effective if you use "shatters" or "fragments" instead. Whatever works best for you.

That second line in the 2nd stanza is wonderful, it leaves a great message and it sounds darn good as well. Nice job in that regard.

"earning only defacement, and loss of dignity."

I think you could certainly use a better word than "defacement." The only downside to using great vocab is that it makes your not as high level words really stand out awkwardly. Perhaps use "chagrin" instead.

I'm not a huge fan of the ending, I think you could do a better job of bring a strong ending to this piece. It stands out more because of the excellent beginning. I'm not sure what would be a good way to really fix that ending, but be sure to keep that in mind. Lovely poem here, I enjoyed reading it. Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh

Hey Lyssiekins,

First off, I just want to welcome you to YWS C: I hope you enjoy it here, if you stick around, you'll soon find that your writing will improve by leaps and bounds!

Second - I like the concept of this piece. They're couplets of simple statements of different kinds of love: unrequited, true love, virginal love. And you chose a really fitting form in which to portray those ideas.

The only thing is that I don't really care for/feel for the speaker/voice at all in this, because we're really distanced from the action/content/core of this piece. There's an air of sophistication and I get how you may be trying to make it feel "old/historial sounding" but it just gets in the way of the message and clarity, and the communication with your readers. Like your last two stanzas, really I don't have much of an idea at all what they're trying to say, it seems to suggest the consequences of feeling greed/vain, but the words you're using "neither/nor" suggests otherwise. It feels forced/contrived, instead of genuine/honest/raw.

I think the biggest blunder though is the way the stanzas are broken/cut off abruptly from each other. Your first stanza starts out fine. But the 2nd, 3rd, and last stanza are ALL fragments. So we really don't get a sense how they fit or flow into one another, and that's probably the main reason why we're losing clarity of the piece. This is easily fixable though. Go back through this slowly and try to figure out what you want to say. What is your subject and what is your verb and work from there.

Some of the wordings/phrasings are also really awkward and there are comma splices throughout, which really inhibits the flow. My advice for you is to get rid of all those commas! xD

Torn off, shackles of what sanity remained.
Given, sweetly given, O true Love, in vain.

Hello, it's me again

Starting off-

The capitalisation of L on love on the first line of the first stanza & the O on the second line of the second stanza, both need not be there.

Also, overall, you seemed to be throwing phrases at the reader to put together. I understand the description of emotion is well explained, but the sentences should link to make it an easier read.

Hope this review helps =D
Best of Luck.